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MEMOIR OF

A SOUL

IN HOLY LOVE

Writings Inspired by the Heavenly Messages
of the Blessed Virgin Mary

BY a soul

Series: Living in Holy Love, Volume 2

Copyright © 2016 By a soul

All Rights Reserved

***

His Holiness, Pope Urban VIII stated:

“In cases which concern private revelations, it is better to believe than not to believe, for, if you believe, and it is proven true, you will be happy that you have believed, because our Holy Mother asked it. If you believe, and it should be proven false, you will receive all blessings as if it had been true, because you believed it to be true.”

(Pope Urban VIII, 1623-44)

DEDICATION

For the Glory of God

The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit

Through The Heart of The Blessed Mother of God

For the edification and salvation of all living souls on earth

May The Complete Blessing of The United Hearts of

The Most Holy Trinity

And

The Immaculate Heart of Our Lady

Be bestowed upon you dear reader

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Our Heavenly Father, “Papa”

My Love, Jesus

My Dove, The Holy Spirit

The Blessed Mother of God, The Immaculata, Mary

The chosen messengers who provide these heavenly messages to the world

My Dad – My Mom – My Brother

My Family and My Dearest Friends

All the people who have been a part of my life

I am a better person because of each one

I thank God for placing them in my path – past, present and future

My guardian angel

Heaven

AMEN

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FOREWORD

PART ONE

MY CONVERSION STORY

LOST AND FOUND

HOW TO PRAY TO GOD

SEEKING FORGIVENESS

“The Candle and The Flame”

ALMOST PARADISE

HOLY KISS

FIFTEEN MINUTES

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

MY LOVE, MY ULTIMATE CRUSH

THANK YOU JESUS

MY HEART LOST ALL CONTROL

PART TWO

BOOK – BE MY EXTENDED HANDS

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

FINAL CHAPTER

EPILOGUE

THE INVITATION TO ALL SOULS

FOREWORD

(Feast of Our Lady of Boulougne, France, 2016)

This book is a compilation of several writings that can be found on the blog, MaryRefugeOfHolyLove.com

This book has two parts:

Part One consists of several writings that were written as a series of “love-letters” to an unnamed party from 2011 to 2015.  These writings reflect upon spiritual insights that were gained from study of various heavenly messages of Our Lady and following the Light of the Holy Spirit through prayer.  Part One provides a solid introduction into the spirituality of the United Hearts of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary – the Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart – the Two Hearts of Holy Love and Divine Love.

Part Two is the testimony of the author of her faith journey towards The Lord.  It was written in 2011 to 2012.  It consists of many reflections on the words of Our Lord and Our Lady through Holy Scripture and various heavenly messages.  The author offers her life testimony to help others become closer to God.

The heavenly messages relied upon by the author in this book come primarily from these sources:

Holy Love Ministries (http://www.holylove.org)

Locutions To The World

The Book of Truth (Maria Divine Mercy)

Prophet John Leary (http://www.johnleary.com)

Our Lady of Fatima

Our Lady of Medjugorje

Our Lady of Garabandal

Our Lady of Emmitsburg (http://www.centeroftheimmaculateheart.org)

Direction For Our Times, Jesus Christ, The Returning King (http://www.directionforourtimes.com)

Apostolate of the Green Scapular (http://www.greenscapular.org)

The heavenly messages relied upon by the author may or may not be approved currently by the Catholic Church.  However, the author believes in the genuine authenticity of the heavenly messages provided in this book, which has come about through much prayer to the Holy Spirit.

The author offers the words of His Holiness, Pope Urban VIII (1623-44) as a means of discernment for the reader:

“In cases which concern private revelations, it is better to believe than not to believe, for, if you believe, and it is proven true, you will be happy that you have believed, because our Holy Mother asked it. If you believe, and it should be proven false, you will receive all blessings as if it had been true, because you believed it to be true.”

All graces given by the Holy Spirit to the author are unmerited.  The author offers this book as a continuation of these graces so God may bless others as the author has been blessed.

Although this book is written by a Catholic Christian, the intended audience is for all peoples of all faiths and non-believers.

It is the sincere hope of the author that all readers will be inspired by the spirituality contained within the book’s pages, which the author believes comes directly from God’s Own Paternal Heart.

Readers are invited to visit the author’s blog, www.MaryRefugeOfHolyLove.com to learn more.

Pax Christi.

–a soul

PART ONE

MY CONVERSION STORY

a soul’s fiat

I was scared.

It was half an hour until my scheduled surgery would begin.  The surgeon had briefly met with me beforehand to explain generally what would take place.  I had seen the anesthesiologist, too.  But none of their words were comforting to me.

I was scared.

Scared to death.

Two weeks prior I had broken my leg.  The doctors had tried a cast but it was not working because of the type of break I had on my bones.  So, surgery was required, and I had never had something so major a trauma like this before—

So, I did the unthinkable.  I asked my mom to call a Catholic priest.

The thing was… I was not even Catholic.  Or, at least, I had never professed to be one in my adult life.

I had been baptized as an infant into the Catholic faith.  I had attended Sunday mass infrequently as a child, but never went to Sunday school, nor did I have any type of Catholic education.

I had never received my First Holy Communion, nor was I ever Confirmed.  And certainly, I had no experience in going to the Sacrament of Confession.

But, all I knew was that if one feared dying, a priest was to be called.  And so, despite being agnostic—a person who was trying to find God in all the wrong places, I asked my mom to call a Catholic priest.

And so, this Catholic priest stood before me as I was lying on the bed, awaiting to be wheeled into the surgery room.  And, bless his heart, I had no idea that I was to confess anything to him.

But, this holy priest was a good man.  After briefly talking to me and sensing my ignorance, he said that he would anoint me.  And so, he prayed softly to himself for my safe recovery as he anointed my hands and my feet with holy oil.

Once the priest was done, I immediately felt better.  I had no concept of a sin or being a sinner, but I simply thought that if there was a god, I would be “alright” now if something happened.

I was then wheeled into the surgery room.

I do not know how long I was under the anesthesia.  But, the passage of time was irrelevant to me, as I slipped into unconsciousness during the operation.

Then, it happened.  The most glorious experience of my life.

Suddenly, I found myself—my soul—skipping along in an open grassy meadow.

I knew that it was my soul because I did not have a physical body.  And yet, I had a spiritual one—complete with fingers and toes.  I marveled at my hands and my feet as I skipped along, no longer bound by a broken leg or limitations of a heavy physical body.

I was wearing a yellow dress covered in print with many miniature red flowers.

And I noticed the grass around me being so vibrant in living color…  My soul focused on small details—like my fingers and toes—as it was hard for me to comprehend everything all at once.  My soul kept “awakening” to what I was witnessing around me—as my mind tried to understand what was happening to me.

And as my mind opened more and more, I noticed that someone was following me…

I looked behind me and I saw satan.

I certainly knew that it was a demon, because he had taken the physical form of my then boyfriend and had an evil look upon his face.  Surrounding satan was a pitch-black cloud, which intuitively, I understood to represent all my sins—mostly sins of the flesh—and behind him and the black cloud, I sensed was a huge pit of fire.

Yet, I was not afraid.

Because I was so happy.  The most joyful that I had ever been in my entire life.

In fact, I never felt so more alive than those moments skipping across the meadow.  Or, the happiest in my soul ever.

And as satan reached out his arms to grab me, I looked ahead of me, knowing in my soul somehow that he could not catch up with my skipping.  And ahead of me, I saw a gray misty cloud that seemed to surround the perimeter of the grassy field that I was in.

And as my soul yearned to just reach that gray mist, as I knew, intuitively, that I would be truly safe if I just made it to the gray cloud…  I began to notice something even greater in the place I was in…

The most brilliant white light permeated everything I saw.  It filled the sky and gave life to everything in the field.  And as I looked upwards, slightly behind me, towards my left-hand side, I noticed it then…

I noticed the Presence of God.

Truly, I realized then, that I was in a place that was neither heaven nor hell.  Yet, I understood that heaven was above me and that heaven was where God lived.  And I understood that The Light which I saw all-around me was emanating from God in heaven.

And when my soul was awakened to the Presence of God around me, I was then immediately asked a question—

God asked me a question.  He said:

“Do you love Me?”

And, with all my heart, all my mind, all my strength, and all my soul, I said “yes” with every fiber of my being.  I said, “yes” completely, entirely, and wholly.

I said “yes” to God.

But then, to my dismay, as soon as I gave my “yes” to God, my soul then began to fly very quickly straight into the brilliant white sky…

But, instead of heading towards the direction that I knew God was in heaven, or towards the gray clouds that I longed to go to that surrounded the grassy field, my soul began a quick ascent through a tunnel of light—which ended with severe shock and pain on the surgery room table as the anesthesiologist was awakening me.

The most intense and most beautiful experience of my life had ended.  I was back in my physical body and on earth…

And I wanted to cry.

I had no concept as to where I had been, but all I knew was that I did not want to come home to my life on earth again.  I had said my “yes” to God and I did not care at the time for my family or my friends or my life on earth—

I wanted to be with God.

For, if all the moments of joy that I had ever experienced on earth could be given to me all at once, it would be a mere droplet in the ocean of love that I knew existed in heaven where God was.  I had not experienced heaven, but I knew that it existed, and that was where my soul wanted to go.

And so, I wanted to cry.

In the weeks that followed, I wish that my personal encounter with God would have made me a Catholic.  However, I never made a mental connection between the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick that I had received from the Catholic priest and the spiritual experience I had while in surgery as being related—

I did not know that the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick purifies one’s soul from all sin so as to prepare the soul to be received by God in heaven.

All I knew was that God and heaven existed.  And I wanted to go there.

So, for two years more, I wandered…  Until, by the grace of God tendered through His Blessed Mother, I finally picked up a Catholic catechism book and began to read it—

I read myself into the Catholic faith.

Starting with a simple catechism book to further books on apologetics and Christian theology, I was simply dumb-struck by the logic and beauty of the Catholic faith that I had been baptized in as an infant.  I was learning the faith that I never learned as a child.  Then, I read a book—

A book written by St. Anne Catherine Emmerich over 500 years ago on her visions of purgatory—

And as I read this book, I became speechless—overcome with complete joy—as St. Anne Catherine described exactly, in detail, where I had been over two years ago.

I read about the grassy fields, the gray misty clouds, etc., and I realized why I had been so eager to reach the gray mist in my skipping.  Because I would have been able to stay with God, if I had entered the cloud of purgatory.

It made me so happy.  I finally found the answers to all my life’s questions.  I had finally found My God and I did not want to let Him go.

Now, there was only one small problem:

I had to change the direction of my life.

I knew now what sin was and realized what a bigger sinner I was.  I also knew that I would have to make “hard choices,” because my life was not Christian by any standard.

One of the most difficult choices that I had to make was to break off the relationship with a man whom I had intended to one day marry.  A man who had been raised in the Catholic faith but did not follow the Christian ideals that I knew to be The Truth.  I had to walk away.

And so, after the choice had been made and realized, I took the dried rose buds that I had saved from every bouquet that he had ever given to me, to a field outside my apartment.

I then arranged the dried rose buds in the shape of a cross and sprinkled it with Lourdes holy water.  I then prayed a simple prayer for this man and his family, that they would find and accept God as He Is truly one day.  I entrusted their lives to God.

Then, I walked away to a new life in God.

And as I have grown in my faith, I have learned that the question that God asked me that one day during surgery is not unique to me.

A great man, our first pope, St. Peter, had been asked the same question three times by Our Lord.

It was a beautiful early morning at the beach along the Sea of Galilee two thousand years ago.  Christ had Resurrected from the grave and had appeared to seven of His disciples while they had been fishing that morning.

They all ate breakfast with the fish they caught on the beach.  Then Jesus turned to Peter and asked him:

“Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these (other disciples)?”

And Peter replied: “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Then Jesus said to Peter: “Feed my lambs.”

Then, for a second time, Jesus asked Peter:

“Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

And Peter replied: “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Then Jesus said to him: “Tend my sheep.”

Then, for a third time, Jesus asked Peter:

“Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

And Peter, distressed that Jesus had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” then said to Him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”

Jesus then replied: “Feed my sheep.”

He then said to Peter: “Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”  (Thus, signifying the death that St. Peter would endure in glory for The Lord—crucifixion upside down in Rome).

Then Jesus said to Peter: “Follow me.”

This story taken from the Gospel of John, Chapter 21 is important, because it illustrates the forgiveness and Mercy of God that Jesus extended to Peter for denying Him three times during the Passion and Crucifixion.  It also shows the unlimited Mercy that God extends to each of us.

(For, three times, there was a question of love from God and an assent given in love by Peter for Our Lord.  This. thereby, forgave the sins of Peter’s earlier thrice-denial during the Passion).

Also, this story is important, because it shows the desire and intentions of Our Lord for St. Peter to be the head of the universal church as the first Catholic Pope.

But, there is one final significance to this story that oftentimes gets overlooked…

It turns upon the one word—

Love.

In the English language, the word “love” can mean many different types and degrees of affection between people.  Yet, there is only one word—love—to mean so many expressions of love in the English world.

However, in the Greek language, of which the Gospel story was originally written, “love” can be translated into three different possibilities: eros (passionate love), philia (friendship or brotherly love) or agape (unconditional and sacrificial love).

The reason that this translation of meanings for love is significant is because St. John wrote the Gospel story using two different Greek words for love.

In the first two instances, St. John used the word “philia” to express the meaning of love in Jesus’ question of, Do you love Me?

Yet, when Jesus put the final question to Peter, St. John used the word “agape” to express the meaning of love in Jesus’ third question, Do you love Me?

And so, it is revealed through choice of Greek words that God wants and desires a love from us that is unconditional love.  A love, not just of the mind or physical, but truly a sacrificial love from our hearts and our souls.

An unconditional love like Our Lord truly loves each one of us.

Thank you, my dearest reader, for allowing me to share my testimony of my conversion to The Lord with you.  It took me many years for me to finally have the words to say.  And I offer my personal story to you, as a gift of hope to you, so that you may draw closer to Him Who Is the closest to you in your life.

Each of us only has “so much” time until our own passing from this earth.  It is my sincerest hope and prayer that you will choose to say “yes” to The Lord as I did and continue to do in my own life.

I know that it is hard to recognize or understand it, but Our Lord comes to us, in each and every present moment, to ask us that question of, Do you love Me?

While God can ask the question in a more obvious way, like He did to me and St. Peter, truly, God asks us this question far more often in the humblest and smallest of ways…  Through the gentle breeze of the wind on one’s face to the uncontrollable laughter of a small child, in so many ways Our Lord communicates to us His Love and desire for our best welfare through these simple joys—

He reaches out to us every present moment as an act of His loving grace to whisper us back to Himself, always asking, Do you love Me? –asking each of us to show Him our love through our thoughts, words and deeds towards God and each other.

I hope and pray that you will open your heart to His Love and say “yes” to Him now and always in your life.  I pray that you will follow Him in all matters, especially of the heart.

God bless you in your journey of faith.

I love you.

—a soul

Public Messages from
Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

March 9, 1995

From Jesus:

“Do you love Me? If you do, tell Me so, for I need to hear it. Do not keep your love for Me buried in your heart. Let it be reflected in your life, in your words and actions. I am never far away. I am as close as your next thought of Me. I am part of the air you breathe. I desire that you know this in your innermost spirit, so that we can be one. Do not fear any portion of the future. I am in the future ahead of you. I am directing angels towards your every need. I send My Mother to be your confidence.”

February 9, 1998

Jesus and Blessed Mother are here. Blessed Mother says: “Praise be Jesus.”

Jesus looks at Maureen and asks: “Do you love Me?” Maureen answers “Yes”. Jesus then says: “And do you trust Me?” to which Maureen answers “Yes”.

Jesus: “I have come to look into each heart here and to ask your undying love, your undying trust.”

“When you love someone unconditionally, you are willing to do anything for them. As My Mother’s Heart is a heart of Sorrow, My Heart is a Heart of Reparation. Come to Me; abide in Me. Make all reparation to the United Hearts – the Heart of Sorrow and the Heart of Reparation. We extend to you tonight Our Blessing of the United Hearts.”

LOST AND FOUND

I was baptized at six months old.

When I was a child, my parents would occasionally take me and my twin brother to Sunday Mass, but I never went to Sunday school and I never received the Sacraments of Reconciliation, First Holy Communion, or Confirmation.

I never had any real exposure to family prayer.  The only time my family would pray together would be right before Thanksgiving meal, but family prayer was not part of my life growing up.

As a child, I understood that we called God, Our Father, but I had no real understanding of who Jesus was.  I knew Him as a baby in the crib at Christmastime and that He was a great teacher who somehow died on a Cross.  No one ever explained to me that Jesus Is God or what sin was.  I grew up in ignorance of the Catholic faith.

Sometimes, as a child, I would try to pray to God as Our Father although I did not know what prayer was.

I taught myself the Lord’s Prayer as a child, as it was engraved in the inside of my dad’s childhood Bible.  So, I spent one afternoon, praying the Lord’s Prayer over and over again just so I could memorize it by heart.  I thought it was important since I had heard that prayer at Mass, although I did not understand what it truly meant at the time.

Growing up, one night, I decided to talk to God as Our Father before I went to sleep.  I did not know that this was prayer.  I just thought it would be nice to share my day with God, while I was snuggled up in my bed, before sleep overcame me.

I enjoyed those special nights when I talked to God.

And as I got older, I would wonder about all the people who got up to take Holy Communion and how I had to sit behind in the pews during Mass.  I did not know what Holy Communion was or why I could not participate in the Sacrament.  Although I would ask my dad and my mom about it a few times, they did not explain to me what Holy Communion was.

And so, oftentimes, I would cry silently to myself in the pews during Holy Communion.  Because I understood—somehow—in my spirit, that Holy Communion was something very special and very beautiful, even though I did not know what it was.

During those days, my dad was a Protestant Christian and my mom was cradle Catholic.  They thought it was best that my twin brother and I come to God on our own when we were “ready.”  They wanted us to decide for ourselves which religion we wanted to follow.

Sadly, my parents did not realize how they were limiting options for my twin brother and me.  Truly, if someone had only taken the time to explain to me who Jesus was and what sin was, it would have saved me many years of wandering and being lost.

If only someone had taken the time to tell me that Jesus Is God, how different my choices in life might have been.  If I had understood that truth and what Holy Communion was, I would have seriously considered a religious vocation.  But, those options were denied me, because of my religious ignorance.

I did not know that the Catholic faith is the True Faith on earth.  No one had ever presented it to me as being the True Faith.  I thought Catholicism was just one of many religions on earth.  And I did not know that Catholicism is Christianity.  I thought Christianity was somehow a different religion from Catholicism.  I simply did not understand.

At one particular time in my youth, during my wandering years, I remember telling myself, well, if I have not figured out which religion to follow, when I am 25 years old, I will become Catholic for lack of anything better.  I do not know if it was a prayer that I said or a promise that I made, but I believe God remembered those words.

From age 13 to 24 years old, I was lost.  Due to public school teaching, I thought the theory of evolution was true and I rejected God in my life because of it.  For many years, I was an atheist and was very liberal.  Then I became an agnostic due to an answered prayer.  But, I still wandered, because I did not know what Christianity was about.  I was ignorant of the faith I had been raised in, so I rejected it as not being the truth.

I looked towards eastern religions to find the truth, but in studying them, I could not find inner peace from them.  The eastern religions just did not seem logical to me.  I knew that there was a God—I had accepted this to be true, because of the impossible prayer that was answered by Him—but, I could not find Him.  The simple fact that I believed in my search was this: if there is a God, I could not accept that He would hide Himself from us.  So, one of the religions in the world had to be true, but it was a constant search for me to find which one…?

And I went to law school, because I so desired to find the truth.  But, already in my first year, I became disillusioned, when I realized that there is no absolute truth in the legal system.  It made me depressed at the time.

It was December 2002, three days after Christmas, and I was at home with my parents on winter break.  I was 3 months shy of my 25th birthday and I was about to enter my final year of law studies.  I was in my bedroom, flipping channels on my television, when something caught my eye on the public television station.  The show was on various religions and a lady speaker said something that really intrigued me.

The lady speaker said that besides wicca (witchcraft), the only religion that has a strong female role model is Catholicism.  She made a comment or two about the Blessed Virgin Mary, then she went back to talking about wicca, but those few statements were enough to intrigue me.

Growing up, knowing so very little about Jesus, I had no real exposure to the Blessed Virgin Mary.  But, the feminist in me was intrigued by these words.  I remembered a catechism book that I had purchased two years ago by “random chance.”  I never read it (I did not even know what the word, “catechism,” meant), but now, I desired to find it.  So, I finally found the book buried under a pile of assorted books in the corner of my bedroom.

Now, I know this is due to grace alone, but instead of solely reading the chapter about the Blessed Virgin Mary, which was like chapter 7 or so in the book, I decided to start reading on page one.  And by page 13, I was “hooked.”  In fact, I was shocked.  I kept stopping every couple of pages or so, and running to my parents, and saying things like, “did you know that the Catholic Church teaches this…?” or “did you know that Catholics believe this…?”

I was totally dumbstruck, because this was the first religion that I was reading that actually made sense to me.  It was so beautifully logical to me, it scared me.

I returned to law school, but I could not stop reading.  I kept reading and reading.  Every time an issue challenged me, I would read the Catholic argument and it was always superior in thought and clarity.  How could a religion make so much sense?

I recalled my experience two years ago when I broke my leg and had to undergo surgery.  I recalled being given the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick and how I had encountered the Presence of God while in surgery.

I had wandered for two years trying to explain it to myself, but never making a mental connection between the Sacrament and my supernatural experience afterwards.  Then, I read a mystical account of St. Anne Catherine Emmerich and she had described in detail the place that I had been during my surgery.  It was the upper-level of purgatory.

After that, I could no longer harbor any doubts.  Catholicism is the True Faith.

I was 25 years old and I decided to attend Sunday Mass at the Catholic student center on campus.  It had been years since I had been to Mass and I arrived barely on time.  A nun approached me and asked me to offer the bread and wine to the priest during the Mass.

I wanted to choke up.  Here I was, at my first Catholic Mass in years, and God desired me to participate in the Mass, even though He knew I could not receive Holy Communion.  I wanted to cry and I could not refuse, even though I worried terribly if I might make a mistake.

God Is So Good to me, a poor sinner…

I read recently in a heavenly message that Jesus said to never deny the Sacrament of Baptism to a child.  I firmly believe His Words.  Regardless of circumstances, no child should be denied Baptism.

I truly believe it is only because of my Baptism that I was able to return to the faith today.  It is because of my Baptism that the Light of God was able to penetrate the darkness of my soul to bring me back to the faith.  Without my Baptism, I would have truly remained lost.

I once was lost, but now, I am found.

Hallelujah and amen.

For Meditation:

From the Book of Truth

“Conversion”

Sunday, November 21st, 2010 @ 01:30

Today, My daughter, I bring a Message of hope and peace to all of My children who may feel that these Messages have represented fear. Know that, for even those of you who find it difficult to believe in Me, My Eternal Father and the Holy Spirit, you must not worry. Many of you, My dear children, want to believe, but because of your reasoning and logic, where you evaluate all things based on rational thinking, you will find it hard to believe in the supernatural.

Fear not. By praying, even just once a day and asking My Sacred Heart to pour out My Love on you, you will very soon feel differently. Many of you – those who are vague in your beliefs – envy others with a deep faith. You must understand that I love all of you. Like a parent, each of you holds a deep and special place in My Heart. You must never feel you are not worthy of My Love.

Did I not love you to such an extent that I willingly gave up My life for you, in the hope that you would be given a second chance to come back to Me?

Children, you will always be pushed aside by others for expressing a belief in your Divine Creator. When this happens remember that this is something that man must suffer on this Earth, for their love for Me. Never let this belief in Me, your Divine Saviour, fade or be hidden from those who will look at you with pity.

Yes, many of My children, influenced by human reasoning and logic, deliberately placed in their closed souls, will question your beliefs. To insult you further they will be embarrassed by your faith, and while they will not publicly admit it, they feel a curious jealousy. This jealousy springs from the certainty that dawns on them, that inside their souls there is emptiness. No matter how hard they look inwards they cannot understand why this is the case. Meanwhile, you, the believer, will undergo humiliation through the embarrassed eyes of onlookers with a weak faith or none at all.

Never be afraid or embarrassed to own up to the love you have in your hearts for My Eternal Father. Be open about your faith. Wear your love proudly, for Me, for all to see. By doing so you are leading by example.

Never try too hard to impose, through logical reasoning, your beliefs to non-believers, in an aggressive manner. Instead show your brothers and sisters, love and support, even though you know they need guidance. When they see the forthright manner, in which you voice your love for Me openly and with joy in your heart, they will begin to wonder.

By leading others, through the example of love, respect and good deeds, they will be drawn towards the Light. Many won’t understand why, at first. But in time, and especially by the power of your prayers, they will walk towards Me.

I urge you all to pray for the conversion of all souls. This includes those people known to you, personally, whom you feel are in need of prayers, for difficulties they encounter in this life. Pray too for the conversion of those poor children lost to Me through the darkness, which blinds them to the Truth. Pray especially with compassion and love for those who follow, actively, the path of the deceiver. They, more than anyone else, need your prayers.

Make known, to all you come in contact with, details, as to how each of them can be redeemed, even at the moment of death, by reciting the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.

Please, please give this to everyone who will listen. Urge them, if you dare, to read it and remember, because if you do and they do recite it in their last few breaths, they can and will be saved by Me.

(How To Pray The Divine Mercy Prayer can be found at this webpage:
https://maryrefugeofholylove.com/the-seal-of-the-living-god/the-divine-mercy-chaplet/ )

Never be ashamed of the Crosses you wear

 Never feel insulted when non-believers laugh or poke fun at you when you pray. Never be ashamed of the Crosses you wear for protection. Do not hide these symbols of the love you hold for Me, your Divine Saviour, My Eternal Father or the Holy Spirit. By proudly wearing these badges of holy honour, you will lead others towards Me. Despite outward scorn you may experience from these people, inwardly, they envy you for your faith. Many of these observers feel a hollow emptiness inside, due to their lack of faith. Prayer, My children, can help Me win over their souls. Say this pray for them.

 “My dear Lord, I hold out my arms to ask You to take my beloved brother/sister into Your tender Arms. Bless them with Your Sacred Blood and give them the grace needed to allow them to receive the Spirit of Your Love, to lead them into eternal salvation.”

 When you, My believers, are openly challenged by others about your faith, first say this:

 “I am a follower of Christ, Who suffered death at the hands of non-believers. Because of that, as a follower of Christ, I will always suffer indignity, because of my love for Him, from others. That is the Cross I bear and am proud of this fact. He, my Saviour, died, not just for my sins, but for yours.”

When they proudly boast of the fact they are agnostic or atheists tell them this. Ask them if they will feel different when their life on this Earth draws to a close? Then give them this advice. On your deathbed remember this prayer of the Divine Mercy even if you are still unsure. Open your hearts and ask My Eternal Father to forgive them. Remember My promise. As Judge, as well as your Saviour, I will forgive – right up to each of My children’s last breath on this Earth. Tell them to pray hard, so that they can open their hearts just once.

Prayer leads all My children closer to My Kingdom on Earth when Heaven and Earth will merge as one. The power of prayer will only be truly understood when My children open their hearts and call out. Ask, and if it is God’s Will, your prayers will be answered.

Never deny your children the Sacrament of Baptism

Lastly, pray for the little children, your sons and daughters and the youth in the world. Each of them deserve to be shown the Truth. They were not shown the Truth of God’s Love or given guidance by their parents, due to the spiritual darkness, which has existed on Earth over the last two decades. Even if your own faith is weak, do not shirk your duty, as parents, to give them access to the Sacraments, especially Baptism. Never take it upon yourself to deny this most important Sacrament to your own child.

Many parents who proudly stand firm, as they shout about their views of disbelief, are damaging their children’s souls. Give your children the gift of the Sacraments. In time, they will either thank you for this or deny Me. That will be up to them. Deny Me if you must, but do not steal the souls of My children. You may be their parents on Earth, but they are the children of My Eternal Father, the Creator and Maker of all things. Do not try to take them into the darkness with you. Remember again, that despite your own beliefs, I love you all.

YOUR DIVINE SAVIOUR AND JUDGE

JESUS CHRIST

SON OF THE ETERNAL FATHER

“So many lies, where the existence of Hell is denied, will be the downfall of Christians”

Saturday, April 14th, 2012 @ 15:27

My dearest beloved daughter no matter how difficult your physical suffering is you must recognise that as it continues to intensify that it is as I feel.

Your suffering reflects just a fraction of My own suffering.

In union with Me you will know that for every pain and interior darkness of the soul you experience, you will know the torment I endure because of the sins of mankind.

Many people mistakenly believe that My suffering began and ended on the Cross.

My suffering will not end until all of God’s children are united in love and harmony where no sin will exist in My Father’s New Paradise.

No matter how much humanity has been told about My existence I am still hated.

Amongst believers, although I am accepted, My teachings are only tolerated by them based on their own terms.

Many will treat others with love and kindness but only if those, to whom they offer this gift, come up to their own ideologies.

For example many will condemn sinners when they should show kindness and pray for them. They must, instead, lead by example.

Some will pour scorn on others instead of showing the love that is expected of them as Christians.

Never condemn others even if you do not agree with them for that is not your right. No one, only God, has the authority to judge another.

While many believers continue to pay homage to Me it will be on their own terms.

Some will feel the need to set themselves apart from their brothers and sisters, to show the world how learned they are in spiritual matters. They then use their own interpretations of what My Mercy really means.

How many times have you heard that God is ever merciful? He is so merciful that because He loves everyone He would never condemn them?

That He would never send a soul to Hell?

Well this is a lie. So many lies, where the existence of Hell is denied, will be the downfall of Christians.

People condemn themselves to Hell. I do not put them there. They choose it by refusing to turn their backs on mortal sin.

Nor will they seek forgiveness or show remorse. This is dangerous thinking and it is the duty of all Christians to warn others of the dangers of Hell.

So many, including those who refuse their children the sacrament of Baptism speak as if sin no longer matters.

They believe that all sin ‘will’ be forgiven. This is not correct.

All sin ‘can’ be forgiven, no matter how black the sin but only if the sinner seeks forgiveness.

Now I speak to you from the Heavens to prepare all of God’s children for My Second Coming and what do I find?

I speak to you from behind prison walls and in a cell into which you have cast Me because you refuse to believe that I could speak to you in this way.

Oh how you offend Me!

To those who have spent your lives devoted to me and who are knowledgeable about My Holy Scripture but who now reject Me I say this.

Your rejections of Me now will leave you tormented and in great sorrow when the truth is revealed to you.

Because then you will realise the souls which you cast aside when I needed your help to salvage them.

How you make me weep with frustration at your blindness caused because of your lack of humility.

You doubt My Holy Word when you should embrace it, grasp it, because you are a drowning soul and lack generosity of heart.

I beg you to respond to My call.

YOUR BELOVED JESUS

REDEEMER OF MANKIND

HOW TO PRAY TO GOD

From the Book of Truth

Saturday, August 13th, 2011 @ 17:00

JESUS

“My beloved daughter, when man is so busy each day, there is little time for prayer in his life. Prayer, My children, can mean a moment, an hour, a word, or any kind of communication with Me. It does not matter where man calls on Me. It can be in the home, in the garden, in the car, at work, as well as in My Church. Where you talk to Me is not important, although you can please Me more when you are speaking with Me in My House.”

“Many people mistakenly believe I can’t hear their thoughts, feel their pain, their sorrow or their joy. Don’t they realise that they were created by My Father, the Almighty, Creator of ALL things? He Who knows everything calls on all of you to stop for just one moment a day. Ask for My help to strengthen you. Just one moment is all I ask, this one precious moment when you call to Me to enable Me to enter through your soul by the Power of the Holy Spirit. Even just a whisper when you call out for My help will be heard. If you don’t call Me, I can’t respond for I would never interfere with your free will.”

*                           *                           *

From the Book of Truth

“I call on all of you who don’t know Me”
Monday, April 30th, 2012 @ 17:45

My dearest beloved daughter, I must explain to those people who believe in God but who do not go to Church or pray.

Many do not know how to pray. A little like the way in which you My daughter find it difficult.

Prayer means to ask.

Prayer means to communicate.

Prayer means to show love and give thanks.

Many people today, well-meaning and of generous heart, do not know how to pray. Some will find it distasteful and will feel awkward.

Others will feel that their prayers won’t count.

Oh how I love these special souls. So far removed and yet how I yearn to show them My deep love.

I call on all of you who don’t know Me. There is no need to fear Me. All you have to do is to ask Me to take you and give you comfort.

Let Me prove My love. Speak to Me in your own simple words. Nothing will shock Me.

Confide in Me your worries as I will soothe your heart. Let Me help you to feel true peace.

Ask Me to sort out your concerns. I will show you the truth so that your worries will no longer seem as bad.

How will you know I hear you? How will you be sure that I will respond to you?

Just sit down quietly and ask Me to help you with this prayer to help you open your heart to Me and to ask for My help.

Crusade Prayer (50) Jesus help me to know who you are:

“Oh Dear Jesus help me to know who you are
Forgive me for not speaking with you before now
Help me to find peace in this life and be shown
The truth of eternal life
Soothe my heart
Ease my worries
Give me peace
Open my heart now so that you can fill
My soul with your love.
Amen.”

Many of you will not come to Me at this time. But that is okay.

In times of hardship, confusion and fear, you will.

I stand with you every day although you do not realise this yet.

But very soon you will see Me and know the truth of My promise to grant you eternal life in Body, Mind and Spirit.

I await your call. Then I can take you, when the time is right, to the gates of the New Era of Peace and My New Paradise on earth.

YOUR FRIEND

YOUR BELOVED JESUS

*                           *                           *

“simple words”

by a soul

what is the truth? it is love.

much of the world talks about love, but to be honest, i don’t think much of the world knows what it truly is.

i don’t claim to know everything. and even with the truth, i don’t claim to know fully what love is. because the more i learn about love, the more i realize its depth, and it makes me very humbled.

i feel very small in comparison to true love. true love is God.

honestly, if i had one small genuine iota of the love that Christ has in His Most Sacred Heart, i would die.

my love is not perfect. but i try.

and i know there is value in the attempt, because any attempt to love others, like Christ wants us to love, is not a failure but a success in God’s eyes.

so much of the world tries to say differently, but truly, the world doesn’t know the value and worth of every human being. and if you don’t even understand that, how will you understand how to even truly love?

a longtime ago, i told you that when i pray, i often use the words, “i love you.”

no one really taught me how to pray. my parents never showed me how to pray to God as a child. and i never received guidance on how to pray privately. i only had the experience of the mass, when i was converting to catholicism, to fall back upon.

but, those are public prayers, not the private prayer that i didn’t know. so, i had to figure it out on my own. so, i bought a few catholic prayer books, and memorized those prayers.

and when i prayed them, i really thought about what i was praying. i tried to make every word count. because i didn’t want them to be empty words.

yet, my biggest “break-through” in my prayer life, didn’t come from saying those prayers i memorized in those books. it came one day, when i began to say three simple words to God:

i love you.

you’ll probably find this comical, but to be honest, i still don’t know how to pray. at least, sometimes, i’ll say to God, “i honestly don’t know if i am saying this right or if it makes sense,” or “i am very dumb and i don’t want to offend you, by saying the wrong words.”

i tell God that, “i don’t want to make a mistake.”

then, i tell Him that i love Him. and that i hope that i will always love Him with all my heart.

and somehow, even though i am very small, very insignificant… somehow, He stoops down to my level and picks me up. and He puts this little bit of love in my tiny heart.

and then, i get amazed and overwhelmed sometimes. because the “Great Almighty,” “The God of the Universe, Seen and Unseen,”–

this God Who Is so vast, so beyond my comprehension or understanding…

this God loves me back.

and it all began with saying “i love you.”

believe it or not, my precious one, it was hard saying those words to God for me.

in comparison, it is hard enough to say “i love you” to another human being. can you even imagine, what it is like saying those words, for the first time, to God?

i didn’t want to make a mistake somehow. but, after the initial fear, i began to say those three simple words out-loud to God.

and i kept saying those three simple words every day to Him, even though it was challenging at times.

now, the word “love” is truly part of my vocabulary. it would be hard to not say “i love you” to God and all the angels and saints–my family–because God keeps expanding and expanding my heart. i don’t know how He does it, but He does. He is amazing.

(written january 8, 2008 – “three simple words”)

*                           *                           *

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

*                           *                           *

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

March 9, 1995

JESUS

“Do you love Me? If you do, tell Me so, for I need to hear it. Do not keep your love for Me buried in your heart. Let it be reflected in your life, in your words and actions. I am never far away. I am as close as your next thought of Me. I am part of the air you breathe. I desire that you know this in your innermost spirit, so that we can be one. Do not fear any portion of the future. I am in the future ahead of you. I am directing angels towards your every need. I send My Mother to be your confidence.”

*                           *                           *

Prophet John Leary
(johnleary.com)

Monday, October 12, 2015

JESUS

“My people, I have loved all of you all the time at every moment, and I will continue to love you, even in your soul after your death. I loved you when I created your soul and body in your mother’s womb. I love you every moment of every day of your life. I love you now, and I will love you forever. This eternal flame represents My eternal love for everyone, even those people who reject Me. In response to My love, I desire in your human possible way to show Me your love in every moment in your prayers, in your good deeds, in your Holy Communions, and in all of your moments that you adore Me. Remember what I told Martha about her sister Mary. Mary stayed by Me to listen to My words, and she adored Me. I told Martha that Mary has chosen the better part of loving Me, and it shall not be taken away from her. My people, if you focused on loving Me every moment, the devil could never get you to sin. Even if you said: ‘Jesus, I love you.’ all the time during the day, you would please Me greatly. When you love your wife or husband, you are constantly showing your love by being with your spouse, and caring for each other’s needs. In a similar way, I want you to imitate My love for others, and tell Me how much you love Me. Remember that in heaven there is only love and peace. So when you love Me and love your neighbor as yourself, you are preparing yourself for an eternity of love with Me in heaven.”

*                           *                           *

 From the Book of Truth

“Mother of Salvation: You must never curse another when you ask for God’s Blessings”
Saturday, May 17th, 2014 @ 15:54

My dear child, when my Son grants special favours, upon God’s children, this means then that there is a responsibility expected on the part of the recipient. For every Blessing, dear children, you receive from my Son, you must always give thanks to God. When my Son presents heavenly Graces upon a soul, much is expected of that person. Each soul must then live their lives according to what they have been taught by my Son.

My Son makes His Presence felt when He is called upon. The more open the soul is to His Love, the more he or she will become closer to His Sacred Heart. However, when a soul exalts himself before my Son, when requesting His help, nothing will yield from Him. God loves the humble souls. He lavishes great Graces upon them. The more Graces they receive, the more of Him will be Present within them. Then, as His Presence is made known, that same soul will be the subject of hatred. The devil is drawn to souls who are in the Light of God. He will then use every means to humiliate the chosen soul and usually does this by deceiving the weak soul he uses, to inflict pain and suffering on the humble soul.

Sadly, many people who love me, the Mother of God, come to me begging me to assist them in destroying other souls. These souls, they tell me, are deserving of God’s punishment. When they ask for my Son to pass judgment on such souls, because of the hatred, which lies in their hearts, their prayers will never be heard. How can you love me, adore my Son and pledge your allegiance to the Truth when you hate others? Oh how cunning is the evil one when he devours holy souls, who have allowed pride to distract them. Once pride grips a soul, it immediately loses its light. The darker it becomes the further away it removes itself from the Light of God.

When you ask me to intervene, on your behalf, with my Son, you must always come to me with the fullness of love in your heart. You must never curse another when you ask for God’s Blessings, for this is abhorrent to Him. Hatred plays no role in Heaven.

Come to me, dear children, only with love in your hearts for your enemies, and all your prayers will be answered according to God’s Holy Will.

Your beloved Mother

Mother of Salvation

 “Mother of Salvation: If you do not ask, then how can my Son help you?”
Sunday, November 16th, 2014 @ 14:20

My dear children, at times of sorrow and distress you must always call on me, your Mother, to help ease your worries, no matter how difficult your circumstances are.

Remember that when I present my Son with your special request, if it involves a plea for the salvation of your soul, or that of someone else, He will always respond to my pleas. If it is to ask for a special blessing or healing then I will always intervene on your behalf. Not one request will be ignored and if it is the Will of God your prayers will be answered. There is not one soul on earth who cannot ask for the help of my Son, if they beg Him for their salvation.

My Son will make special concessions for every soul you pray for. His Mercy is great, His Love unfathomable. Never fear to approach Him to ask Him for His Mercy. Prayer, my dear children, is a very powerful means by which to gain the Mercy of God. Not one prayer is ever ignored. But, if you do not ask, then how can my Son help you?

Pray, pray, pray in your own words, for God will never fail to respond to you.

Your beloved Mother

Mother of Salvation

“Mother of Salvation: The more you pray, the stronger will be your relationship with God”
Monday, November 17th, 2014 @ 19:20

My dear children, for the vast majority of people, prayer is not easy. For those of little faith, it can be a difficult task and many do not understand the meaning of prayer or why it is important.

When you are in a loving relationship with another person it is important to speak with each other. Without communication, the relationship will flounder until eventually the relationship will die. The same is true when communicating with God. You may not see Him, touch Him or feel Him but when you speak with Him, He will respond. Such is the mystery of God’s Divinity. In time, those who speak to God, through His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, will forge a strong bond.

Children, when you call out to my Son, in your own words, He hears every cry of anguish and every request made of Him. As you continue to speak with my Son, in your own way, after awhile you will know that He hears you. Those souls who cry out for mercy, either for their own souls or for the salvation of others, will always receive special Gifts from Heaven.

Prayer is not complicated. It is as simple as calling out to anyone you love. And when you love another you can be assured that God is present for He is Love. When you love someone truly, there is always trust in your heart. If you love my Son you must trust Him. If you trust Him then know that He will always await you with love and tenderness. He rejoices when you call on Him for He will do anything to bring you His Peace and Comfort.

You must never be reluctant to speak with my Son, through prayer. He craves your company and soon you will be in no doubt as to His Existence. The more you pray, the stronger will be your relationship with God. Those blessed with such a deep and abiding love for my Son, will have a peace instilled within their hearts that no suffering on this earth, can unsettle.

Pray every day. Speak with my Son during your daily chores. Call on me to bring you closer to my Son. And, when you want to love Him more, I will ask Him to bless you. To love God with a deep intimacy is a Gift from God and it is only through regular prayer that you will attain it.

Your beloved Mother

Mother of Salvation

“Prayer terrifies the evil one”
Thursday, February 12th, 2015 @ 18:00

My dearly beloved daughter, I ask all Christians in every part of the world to increase the time they spend in prayer for the power to defeat sin, which strangles the world and which brings suffering and every kind of hardship in its wake.

Sin can be destroyed through prayer. Prayer is the most powerful weapon against evil and the more you turn to Me, your Jesus, the more I can defeat My adversary. While I do not make any demands on you, which burden your hearts, I ask only that you call on Me to help sinners to avoid the wickedness, which can spring up within their hearts at any moment.

The power of Satan is at a point when those with no faith or belief in God, are easily manipulated by him. He goads them and tempts them at every opportunity. Man, in Satan’s eyes, is a mirror reflection of God, Who created man in His Own Image. Satan hates every single human being with an intensity that would take your breath away. It is only the man who is alert to his tactics who can see the Truth when evil takes many forms. Only the man who is open to the Word of God – who loves and knows Him – can ward off the influence of the deceiver through the power of prayer.

Prayer terrifies the evil one and weakens the grip he holds over humanity. Prayer is more powerful than a sword that is used in battle, for it does not merely wound the enemy but destroys him.

YOUR JESUS

SEEKING FORGIVENESS

I thank God for His Merciful Love towards me each day.  I am very grateful that God permits me each breath, each heartbeat, each step, every moment of my life.

One of the things that I am most grateful for is His Forgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession).  One of the things that I have realized through frequent use of this Sacrament is that not only does God forgive me of my sins; He also restores and replenishes all the sanctifying graces that I have lost since my last pure moment without grave sin.

I am like most people.  I have sinned mortally against Our Lord before, which I am saddened to admit.  But, I have learned through Confession, that if I sin, even mortally, against Our Lord, He will restore sanctifying grace in my soul so that I can try again walking the path of holiness and I do not lose any graces I have gained through prayer, suffering, sacrifice, and living a virtuous life.

Yes, I will have to do penance for the sins I have committed.  But, I am so grateful that I do not lose any progress I have made in my spiritual life.  I get to try again, having the benefit of the doubt with God.

At first, I did not understand this divine truth of reality at all.  I thought that every time that I sinned grievously—that I sinned mortally—against God that this would set back my spiritual progress and I would lose graces that I had already gained.

Yes, when we sin, whether big or small, we lose graces we could have earned otherwise, but God loves us so much, that He gives us back the graces we already did earn by striving towards holiness.  So, all is not lost in Confession.  In fact, everything is gained back through Confession, as well as an increase in sanctifying grace, so that we are strengthened against committing the sins again that we just confessed in the Sacrament.

Our God Is amazingly Merciful in His Love towards us.  I love Him.

One of the hardest things, after confessing sins to a priest for absolution, is learning to forgive oneself.  Especially, in the beginning of my faith journey, I had a lot of bad habits that kept surfacing as mortal sins.  Lust and sins of the flesh were my chains of bondage.  Over and over, I would commit these sins, and oftentimes, I would spend more time in the Confessional than partaking in Holy Communion at Mass.

My God, how much I struggled with these sins!  Confession was my saving grace!  I spent so many nights, in tears and in prayer, struggling to overcome my sinful habits and sinful tendencies!  I would beg God so much to take these sins away from me and to free myself from such slavery.  I knew that I was hurting myself by committing these sins and my heart would be so rent in sorrow over my human weaknesses.  But, God has more than the patience of Job.  God has so much loving patience with me.  It would astonish me, the poor sinner, again and again.  Our Lord Is incredible in His Mercy.

One of the most important lessons that I have learned is about living in the present moment for God.  One of the particular snares of the devil that he would trap me in was lack of forgiveness of myself.  The devil would remind me, time after time, to past moments of grave sin, tempting me to lack of trust that these sins were not forgiven by God.

Finally, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I arranged three face-to-face hour long confessions with my parish priest.  I confessed my whole life in these confessions.  And during the third confession, my parish priest prayed over me to break any remaining chains of bondage to the devil towards me.  And after these three face-to-face confessions, I finally felt total freedom in my spirit and in God.  I was finally able to accept for myself that I was completely forgiven by God.  I was free.

One of the divine truths that I had to accept for myself is the meaning of true love.  Mortal sins such as fornication, adultery, homosexual acts, birth control, pornography, etc., are not expressions of true love.  Yes, one might feel “human love” in such things, but that is not divine true love.  When we commit sins of the flesh, we not only hurt ourselves in our soul and hurt God, we also hurt others in their soul that we profess to love.  That cannot be true love.  Instead, that is a direct attack on the dignity of the other person.   That is lust.  That is taking advantage of another person both physically and spiritually.  In the very act of committing such a sin of the flesh, we are rejoicing in another person’s possible damnation.  That is not loving one’s neighbor as God commands us to do.  That is not true love.  That is lust.

One of the most important decisions I ever made was to remain single for the Glory of God.  I finally stopped myself from repeating the same mistakes over and over again, by choosing a permanent state of chastity instead of constantly putting myself in situations of possible damnation.  I embraced the call to stay single and live a pure life.  I fully opened my heart to God and whatever His plans were for me.  I would follow God and He would lead me.  No human attachments.

Following the path of personal holiness through the heavenly messages at Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org) have been pivotal to my spiritual growth as a Christian.  I embraced the power of living in the present moment.  Much too often, the devil tempts us to live in the past, in moments of past sin and regret that have been forgiven and forgotten by God.  We must learn that living in the past is fruitless and must give over these moments to Our Lord and His Divine Mercy.

The same is true to our future moments.  So often, we are tempted by the devil to worry about the future, to worry about our reputation and possible negative repercussions to our actions, etc.  Dwelling in future moments is fruitless as well.  God lives in the present moment.  We must learn to consign all our future moments to Our Lord and His divine provision.  It is the present moment that determines the future.  We must fully live in the present by living the Ten Commandments and in Holy Love.  That is our security for the future.

Having a severe mental illness, I have especially learned, through trial and error, how to control my thoughts in the present moment, so I am not tempted towards sorrow, depression and despair.  It takes a lot of self-will choices to constantly bring your mind to dwell in the present moment only.  But, over time, by constantly recognizing bad thoughts, and immediate prayer to God, turning over every bad thought to God and Our Lady, I learned to better control my mind so the devil would tempt me less and less with the past and future.  I learned to also look for the positive in every moment and not to dwell in negativism.  I also learned that frequent prayer and praise in song is a good means of keeping my mind in the present moment.  Writing my thoughts to God also brings my mind into the present moment.  Reading Holy Scripture and pondering heavenly messages is helpful, too.  And by focusing my mind in the present moment, God has been good to me.  As I learned to listen more to God in the present moment, He has filled my soul with an ever-expanding peace of the heart.  I have the true grace of Heaven’s Peace.

It is so crucial that every soul learns how to live in the present moment.  I cannot stress this spiritual lesson enough.  Living in the present moment is so pivotal to spiritual growth and following the Divine Will of God.  Many times, the devil has tried to tempt me to despair and suicidal thoughts.  This was especially so in the first days of my conversion to the faith, when my severe mental illness became manifest.  The negative thoughts were so overwhelming at times, it took all my strength to keep myself focused on the Goodness and Love of God.  Sometimes, I would engage in a mental “boxing” tournament with satan.  he was relentless with me.  For hours, he would plant unending negative thoughts in my mind.  And for hours, I would expend all my efforts to deflect each and every one bad thought.  Then, it would get to the point, where he would be saying, “satan,” over and over and I would immediately respond, “God.”  For hours, this back and forth would happen, until it finally dawned on me that I am exhausting myself in a battle that I was not going to win this way.

At that point, I was finally able to turn over my deep mental struggle to God.  I stopped answering back the devil in my mind and learned to focus on the grace of the present moment.  I am alive.  I am breathing.  I focused on the blessing of every breath.  Oh, how much the devil desires to tempt us to despair and suicide of our soul!  Suicidal and such depressive thoughts can be so overwhelming.  But, God Is always with us in whatever our battle is.  It is so important to learn to stop answering the devil and all the negative thoughts he plants in everyone’s mind.  Focus on the present moment grace of simply being alive.  There is a blessing of God in every present moment for every person.  Do not live in the past or the future.  Live in the present moment with God.  Peace will come.

I want to share a spiritual insight that I have learned with you.  As I have written before, Jesus has revealed to me how I will pass over (die) in life.  It will be a very difficult death and will be physically painful.  But, I never dwell much thinking about it.  If I did, it would cripple me in my daily life.  I have learned to turn over this matter to God and instead, simply dwell in God’s Peace in the present moment.  At this present moment, I am fully alive and I praise God for this moment of my life.  So many people are facing challenging deaths, either through physical illness or other circumstances.  And so many people, anticipating difficult deaths, dwell in future pain and past regret, they miss the present moment grace of Peace given to them by God.

As I wrote in my book, as I grew more spiritually prepared, sometimes, God would permit satan to drag my soul into hell.  I never knew when this would happen to me and it always took place in my dream-state.  And whenever this happened, I did the only thing I could do at that point.  I would pray over and over for forgiveness of sinners on earth for their sins and for denying the reality of hell.  My prayers to God were non-stop and unceasing.  satan would try to tempt me to despair as a lost soul, but I always continued to pray in hope to God.  I would spend hours in hell—the entire night—until, finally, I would receive a saving grace from God and remember about the Blessed Mother.  Then, I would pray to Our Lady and She would come to rescue me.

I share this with you, to reveal two insights.  One, prayer to God is fruitful and powerful.  I have experienced much mental and physical pain in my life.  And I have learned that, even in the deepest pain, whether it be a terminal illness, physical disability, or mental anguish, that if one just takes the pain one moment at a time, it becomes manageable.  Do not give power to the devil by allowing him to tempt you with future pain, despair and lack of hope and trust in God.  Seek and find God in prayer.  Be unceasing in your prayer to God.  He Is with you always, in every moment, and He will bring you relief from the pain and suffering.  Do not worry about suffering in future moments.  It is in the present moment that Peace resides as the gift of God to you.

And the second insight is to remember Our Lady, Our Blessed Mother.  She will always bring comfort to your soul.  Learn to invoke Her as often as you can.  She is the Mother of Peace.  Peace Is Her Son, Jesus Christ.

As I explained earlier, I am so grateful to God that He gives us His forgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession).  I am especially so grateful to God that He gives me the benefit of the doubt, by restoring sanctifying grace to my soul, as well as my spiritual progress, and so that, through every Confession, I get to try again to walk the path of holiness towards Him.  This is such a continual blessing!

As I have testified, I follow the path of personal holiness that Our Lord and Our Lady have provided for us through Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org).  This is a spiritual journey, which begins by purging our faults and deepest sins through the flames of The Immaculate Heart of Our Lady, and progresses through the Most Sacred Chambers of The Heart of Our Savior, Jesus Christ, and ends in Unitive Love, the Highest and Purest Form of Perfect Love Possible between God and a soul, in The Divine Will and The Divine Heart of Our Heavenly Father.

As I follow the path of Holy Love, I am so grateful that regular Confession keeps me on track to be a better person and a better Christian.  I am still a sinner; and there is so many times, in which I have failed God.  But, through regular Confession, I know that God Is bringing me closer to His Divine Heart.  I do not dwell on which Sacred Chamber I might be in, as that may change moment-to-moment, based on my free will choices and circumstances.  I simply trust in God that I am making spiritual progress, as I seek to live in His Divine Will.  That is all that matters.  That I continue to follow the path of Holy Love and seek Our Father’s Will in all things.

Finally, there are some beautiful Locutions To The World, that I desire to share with you all.  One such locution took place on 9/10/11, in which Our Blessed Mother tells us of her unswerving will towards God.  Our Blessed Mother desires to give that faithful unswerving will to each of us:

“My life was filled with sorrows, yet I never swerved.  Whatever the heavenly Father wanted, I wanted.  What he did not want, I did not want.  My free will never swerved.  Yet, it remained free because that alone gave glory to God.  My will never swerved because he surrounded me with so many graces.  These same graces are stored in my Immaculate Heart.  They were placed there by the Father and since I always accepted every grace, absolutely none was lost.”

“I stored them up for you and I am ready to pour them out on whomever asks for them.  They have only one purpose – to unite your will to the Father’s will, just as my will was so united.  This is the greatest gift.  It will last forever.  In heaven, the will of every angel and every saint is perfectly in tune with the divine will.  By pouring out these graces, I give you two gifts.  On earth, you will fulfill your call, the reason God created you.  In heaven, you will be perfectly united to God, to me, to all the angels and saints.”

And in this locution (4/24/12), Our Blessed Mother shares how much She desires for us to seek the grace of repentance:

“Some of you were not even raised in families of faith, (It has been so long since the Ages of Faith).  Some have had no contact with the sacraments of confession and Communion for years.  I take everything into consideration and I also offer to you grace and a chance to repent.  Accept the grace as I explain what to do.”

“Everything begins with good will, with a sincere desire to escape condemnation and to be right with God.  This is the beginning grace.  I promise that I will obtain that grace for you.  When it comes, receive it.  You will know what to do.  All is contained in that grace.  Begin right now.  Say, “Mary, give me the grace of repentance”.  Already, my grace is flowing into your soul.  The grace itself will show you what to do next.  Keep asking for it.”

Finally, in this locution (7/23/14), Our Blessed Mother reveals that God has a special gift for every person on earth.  The gift is stored in Our Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Heart, ready to be revealed to each person when they are seeking God’s Divine Will in their life:

“For every person in the world, I have a surprise gift, which is not revealed at first. This gift lies deep within my heart and is given only at the moment when the person is ready to receive. This gift is God’s most important secret for each person, the whole reason why God created them. This gift encompasses everything and carries with it the greatest of blessings.”

“This gift is the person’s divine call in which God can totally bless them and bless many others, even thousands.”

“Many people never receive this gift. They have not searched in my heart nor have they cooperated with the earlier gifts. A few discover the gift but, surprisingly, they reject it (like the rich young man who did not sell all his possessions).”

“Some embrace their gift totally. They aid many others. Even generation after generation are blessed. You can see how important is this gift. My promise is this. Such a gift exists for every person in the world. If you just seek the beginning gifts, accept them and do what they require, I will lead you to this special gift that contains your identity, your fulfillment, your life’s work and your eternal happiness. I want you to find it. I want you to accept it. I will then help you to bring the gift to fruition.”

*                           *                           *

In conclusion, since this writing is on forgiveness and seeking reconciliation with God, I desire to share with you some helpful tips for a good confession.  I am not perfect—I am a sinner as everyone else—but, no one really talks about how to make a good confession with a priest.  So, I want to share with you the things that I do to prepare for Confession.

First-most, I prepare ahead of time at home.  Almost always, I type up (write down) my confession, because I do not want to forget anything when I am in the Confessional.  I review each of the Ten Commandments, asking God in prayer, to reveal to me the sins I have committed since my last confession.  In the beginning, most of my sins were pretty grave and very obvious sins.  But, as you come closer to God through frequent Confession, God will reveal more and more things that you may have done or failed to do, which might be bad habits or things you never realized were sins, but were done with lack of charity in the heart.  God can surprise you!  But, sins can be both things we commit, or things that we failed to do.  Sins can be committed in thought, word, and deed.  Sins can also be bad habits that need constant correcting.  And I have realized, as I come closer to God, my sins are more bad thoughts and sins of omission, than things that I have actually done.  A lot of my sins these days are against the First Commandment.

Be open to the Truth!  No one becomes a saint overnight!  Also, be willing to forgive yourself, as I related earlier in this writing.  Trust that God has forgiven you and try again to walk the path of holiness towards Him.  God will never abandon you!  It is only us that abandon God!

Also, in regards to Confession, I have found it to be a good practice to end my Confession by saying, “Please forgive me, father, for any forgotten sins and sins of omission.”  This is the most important step of Confession for me.  Because, as I have said, I am not perfect and I am not going to be able to remember every sin I committed since my last Confession.  But, by seeking God’s Mercy in this way, I trust in The Lord that He will forgive me for every sin and that my soul will be purified completely in God’s Divine Flame.

Finally, I always have the Act of Contrition prayer typed up on my confession list.  Because, believe it or not, I still get nervous sometimes with making my confession, especially, since I do my confessions face-to-face, so when I am actually looking at another human being, I can easily forget the words.  So, I leave nothing to chance and always have the prayer in front of me to read.

Act of Contrition

“O, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you. I detest all my sins because of your just punishment, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.  Amen.”

*                           *                           *

God bless you, dearly beloved child of God!

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

For Meditation:

Proverbs
Chapter 24, Verse 16

“Though the just fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble from only one mishap.”

Gospel of Luke
Chapter 17, Verses 3-4

“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I am sorry,’ you should forgive him.”

Prayer:

Plenary Indulgence for Absolution of Sin

(As given by Jesus to Maria Divine Mercy, The Book of Truth)

This prayer must be said for seven consecutive days for the gift of total absolution for sin and the power of The Holy Spirit.  Meant for those who are unable to seek the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession with a Catholic priest).

O My Jesus You are the light of the earth

You are the flame that touches all souls

Your Mercy and Love knows no bounds

We are not worthy of the sacrifice You made by Your death on the Cross

Yet we know that Your Love for us is greater than the love we hold for You

Grant us O Lord the gift of humility so that we are deserving of Your New Kingdom

Fill us with The Holy Spirit so we can march forth and lead Your army

To proclaim the Truth of Your Holy Word and prepare our brothers and sisters

For the Glory of Your Second Coming on earth

We honor You

We praise You

We offer ourselves, our sorrows, our sufferings as a gift to You to save souls

We love You Jesus

Have Mercy on all Your children wherever they may be.

AMEN

REFERENCE:

Locutions To The World

“An Unswerving Will”

September 10, 2011

Mary

“Why do I speak and why do I ask you to record my words?  Because my words offer life and an opportunity for those who listen to them and act upon them to be saved.”

“O Reader, do not just read these messages from curiosity, to discern the future events.  If you read them with your heart, they will be like a seed planted within you that offers new life.  Let us begin.”

The Woman

“I was conceived by the heavenly Father as the Woman clothed with the sun.  This was his goal and why he poured out such precious graces into my soul from the very beginning.  I was to belong to him as no other human person, totally his.  Yes, from the very beginning, I was his.”

“There was a path which I was to walk, a clear path, always doing his will.  Amid all the possible decisions in every single moment, I saw his will and I chose his will, like a compass which always points to the north.”

Unswerving Will

“My life was filled with sorrows, yet I never swerved.  Whatever the heavenly Father wanted, I wanted.  What he did not want, I did not want.  My free will never swerved.  Yet, it remained free because that alone gave glory to God.  My will never swerved because he surrounded me with so many graces.  These same graces are stored in my Immaculate Heart.  They were placed there by the Father and since I always accepted every grace, absolutely none was lost.”

“I stored them up for you and I am ready to pour them out on whomever asks for them.  They have only one purpose – to unite your will to the Father’s will, just as my will was so united.  This is the greatest gift.  It will last forever.  In heaven, the will of every angel and every saint is perfectly in tune with the divine will.  By pouring out these graces, I give you two gifts.  On earth, you will fulfill your call, the reason God created you.  In heaven, you will be perfectly united to God, to me, to all the angels and saints.”

“Let me teach you a simple prayer that will be so effective because it seeks these graces.”

“O Mary, in your Immaculate Heart, are stored up all the graces of divine union.  If you place these in my heart, I will always do God’s will. Amen.”

Comment:  Each person would like many blessings from Mary.  Her greatest gift is to have a free will like hers, always united with God’s will.

“The Grace of Repentance”

April 24, 2012

Mary

“I wait and I wait for my children to turn to me.  They do not realize how short is the time and how close are those days about which I have spoken and revealed to others.  These are the days of travail, like the pangs of childbirth.  Yet, in many ways, they are not the same.  A child is a gift of God and the pangs lead to birth and new life.  These days are not God’s gift but the result of his justice that has been held back for so long.  They really result from the sins of man and of his refusal to listen to my warnings (and how many of these I have given).   Yet, I still say that there is time to turn to me.”

Pushing Back the Time

“Anyone who turns to me, I can save.  For those who do not turn to me, I can only push back the time for a while, hoping that in the interval, they bring forth the fruits of repentance.  It is like the parable of the fig tree (Lk.13: 6-9).  For three years the owner looked for fruit and found none.  He wanted to cut down the tree.  His gardener pleaded with his master, “Let me fertilize it.  Perhaps, this next year it will produce fruit”.  The tree was given one more year, but without fruit it will be cut down.”

“So, I plead with the heavenly Father and he hears me, but I can only ask for time.  The people must bring forth the fruit of repentance.”

Your Heart

“Now, I ask you, “What is in your heart and what really matters to you?”  Answer me honestly.  What do you live for?  What are your goals?  What do you seek?  Are these the things of earth or of heaven?  Possibly, you do not even know how to seek heavenly things.  So, I will teach you.”

Your Family

“Some of you were not even raised in families of faith, (It has been so long since the Ages of Faith).  Some have had no contact with the sacraments of confession and Communion for years.  I take everything into consideration and I also offer to you grace and a chance to repent.  Accept the grace as I explain what to do.”

“Everything begins with good will, with a sincere desire to escape condemnation and to be right with God.  This is the beginning grace.  I promise that I will obtain that grace for you.  When it comes, receive it.  You will know what to do.  All is contained in that grace.  Begin right now.  Say, “Mary, give me the grace of repentance”.  Already, my grace is flowing into your soul.  The grace itself will show you what to do next.  Keep asking for it.”

“An All Encompassing Gift”

July 23, 2014

Mary

“For every person in the world, I have a surprise gift, which is not revealed at first. This gift lies deep within my heart and is given only at the moment when the person is ready to receive. This gift is God’s most important secret for each person, the whole reason why God created them. This gift encompasses everything and carries with it the greatest of blessings.”

“This gift is the person’s divine call in which God can totally bless them and bless many others, even thousands.”

“Many people never receive this gift. They have not searched in my heart nor have they cooperated with the earlier gifts. A few discover the gift but, surprisingly, they reject it (like the rich young man who did not sell all his possessions).”

“Some embrace their gift totally. They aid many others. Even generation after generation are blessed. You can see how important is this gift. My promise is this. Such a gift exists for every person in the world. If you just seek the beginning gifts, accept them and do what they require, I will lead you to this special gift that contains your identity, your fulfillment, your life’s work and your eternal happiness. I want you to find it. I want you to accept it. I will then help you to bring the gift to fruition.”

“The Candle and The Flame”

Locutions To The World

February 16, 2015

Mary

“The path of light is my gift to those who accept me.  Many set me aside, as if I were not important in the Father’s plan.  Others see no need to call upon my help.  If you are one of these, it is specifically for you that I speak today.  Without me, you can certainly walk a road to the Father through Jesus, but that road is hard to find and difficult to walk.”

“The Heavenly Father foresaw this present time of darkness brought about by the cleverness of Satan’s plan.  For this moment of history, God reserved a new and special light, a candle burning brightly which each person can hold.  Is that not what you yourselves do?  When the lights go out, you use candles, because there is no central light.  So each person carries their own lit candle and all feel safe.”

“Picture me as the Heavenly Father’s candle and Jesus as the flame.  Can you have the flame without the candle?  I am not the flame.  Jesus is the flame, but I am the candle, easily available to all who accept me.  The candle comes first, then the flame.  Who would try to take the flame into their own hands?  That is foolishness. Only harm would result.”

“How long will the candle burn?  How bright will be its flame?  I am the Father’s candle and I will burn as long and as brightly as each one needs.  I am Immaculate.  The light will be pure, piercing and totally able to lead you.   When the night grows darker, I will burn more brightly.  When the wind comes, I, myself, will protect the flame.  Even if the flame goes out, I will ask the Heavenly Father and He will light your candle again.”

“The time is now because you must get your candle before the darkness comes.”

Comment:  So many object to or do not see the need for devotion to Mary.  Here, Our Lady lowers herself, calls herself just a candle.  But how needed, so each person can have the flame!

***

“The Candle and The Flame”

One of my favorite songs ever to sing is called, “Praise You In This Storm,” by the Christian music group, Casting Crowns.

I particularly sing this worship song when I am having a poignant moment and I need reconciliation with God.  And often, when I am in a troubled state, I will sing this song over and over again.  To give me holy courage and spiritual strength.  To give me humility and sincere contrition to seek God in the Confessional.

The lyrics of this song are very moving to my spirit.  Like a modern-day psalm, the song speaks of praising God in the midst of life’s storms.  That God Is always there and in control, even as He gives and takes away in our lives.  That He holds every tear we shed and Is Ever with us, comforting us and helping us in our troubles.  That God Is Always and will Ever-Be A God of Mercy.

And as I sing this song over and again to God, I often imagine myself on a barren, desolate field of dirt and brown rock.  It is nighttime and a severe storm of clapping thunder is rolling in as I see dark gray clouds overhead.  And I feel against my face a fierce wind that swirls around me in the mist of foreboding raindrops that are imminent to come.

And when I sing this song, I often imagine myself as a tiny flicker of a flame.  Myself, wrapped up in the music, just a tiny flame, dancing in the night, staying lit amongst the whirling wind.

“Like a candle in the wind

Never fading with the sunset

When the rain set in…”

And as I sing, yes, often tears will freely fall down my face.  The little flame, pirouetting to the melody, constantly dimming and illuminating, holding tightly onto God’s Promises that He will keep me lit.  And as each rendition comes, my prayerful fervor intensifies, tears falling, my spirit rising.

Our Lady has said recently in Locutions To The World that She will be our candle and that Jesus will be Our Flame.  Knowing this is very beautiful to me.

For, as I praise God in this storm, I know now that I am not ever alone.  Even in my sin.

Before, when I praised God in this storm, I would imagine Jesus and The Father in Heaven.  Beyond the dark gray clouds overhead and clapping thunder.  Listening to my tearful prayers in song on earth.  And piercing the dark clouds, sending forth grace through The Spirit into the world.

But, now, I am not alone. Two flames have joined and united as One in a radiant pas de deux of light.  My tiny flame now has the divine companionship of The Sacred Flame of Christ set on the perpetual and immaculate embrace of Our Lady.

I now rest on a heavenly candle that lights up my spirit in The Divine Fire of God.

And so, now, when I sing to God Above in this favorite song, I can remember the words of another love-song.  Resting in the knowledge that Jesus Is My Flame and that the Blessed Mother will keep my flicker of love lit in Him.  That the candle of Our Lady will be there for me, staying close to me, asking Our Heavenly Father to revive my light.  Sin will no longer have a hold on me.

“Wherever you go I’ll be with you

Whatever you want I’ll give it to you

Whenever you need someone

To lay your heart and head upon

Remember after the fire

After all the rain

I will be the flame

I will be the flame…”

*                           *                           *

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

____________________

love-song lyrics:

“Praise You In This Storm” – Casting Crowns

“Candle In The Wind 1997” – Elton John

“The Flame” – Cheap Trick

ALMOST PARADISE

In the stillness of the night, I sit here in the poverty of sinfulness and spent tears.

Oh, how I long for Saturday, when my sins will be washed away in the Confessional, renewed in my baptismal promises.  How easily I fall into sin and separation!  How easily I succumb to my humanity instead of lifting up my soul to heavenly things?

I thought that dreams belonged to other men

‘Cause each time I got close

They’d fall apart again

How easy it is with God to try to hide!  To hide in my shamefulness and try to ignore the elephant in the room.  And how Merciful God Is as I tempt Him with my pride and inner selfish tendencies.  How my short acts of reverence become empty of the True Spirit, as I pray mechanically, in order to fulfill a daily regimen to save my soul, on the barest minimum of devotion.  All lacking holy love in the heart and divine fire in my spirit as I give in more and more to sinful acts, omissions of love, and daily thoughtless habits…

Such is my spiritual struggle when I once again fall away from the righteous path.  To know what is right and true and then to fail to keep the holy flame lit.  To turn my back from the Crucifix on the wall as I fall into slumber each night.  No acknowledgment at all to The Holy One Who holds the world and my own soul in His Hands.

I feared my heart would beat in secrecy

I faced the nights alone

Oh, how could I have known

That all my life I only needed you?

And yet, in His Tenderness of Great Mercies, The Lord imparts on my soul a sweet caress of grace.  A single grace and yet, it is all and everything to me.  A spark of grace that opens and bestows upon my darkened soul the spirit of contrition.  A tiny bit of grace that restores and replenishes.  That enlightens me of higher divine matters and ennobles me to do better, not only for myself, but for others who depend (and will depend) on me and my continual conversion.

With a single act of grace, God lifts me up to Himself and reminds me of whom I am in His Holy Sight.  A beloved child of The Most High.  In my deepest sinfulness, He reminds me of His Eternal Love and how, now, my soul thirsts for the sweet relief of Priestly Absolution.  Oh, how I want to run to Confession!  Oh, how I long for Saturday!

Almost paradise

We’re knocking on Heaven’s door

Almost paradise

How could we ask for more?

I swear that I can see forever in your eyes

Paradise

Twelve years ago, I began the walk.  Not fully understanding or knowing The Way, but always with hope and trust in my heart, I made each step forward towards You.

How You pruned my heart!  How many valleys of iniquity and moments of strife!  Yet, I proceeded forward, even if stumbling or stepping to the side at times, blind in sight, but cognizant of Your Hand.  Hold me closer now.  As You sift me through the ever-narrowing sieve of holiness, winnowing me through and through, to reveal the glistening pearl of my soul.  Help me to grasp the elusive Perfect Love that dances in the outer fringes of my vision.  Help me to capture the dazzling grace that blesses me onward and upward towards a future dream that delights me in unknowing fullness.  Help me to know You, The Uncreated One.

It seems like perfect love’s so hard to find

I’d almost given up

You must’ve read my mind

And all these dreams I saved for a rainy day

They’re finally comin’ true

I’ll share them all with you

Cause now we hold the future in our hands

My salvation rests only in You.

And in your arms salvation’s not so far away

It’s getting closer, closer every day

*                           *                           *

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

_________________________

love-song:

“Almost Paradise” – Movie Theme, Footloose

HOLY KISS

For the past few days, I have been pondering a question in my heart.  The question is this: Did the Blessed Mother ever kiss the Holy Infant Jesus?

To some, that might seem a silly question.  After all, what could be more natural than a mother kissing her child?  And yet, I have been pondering this question, because Jesus was not simply any human child.  Jesus Is God and the Great Mystery of His Being, makes me wonder if the Blessed Mother ever simply kissed Her Child?

But, then, as I pondered this question in my heart, I realized something.  It does not really matter if the Blessed Mother ever kissed Jesus or not.  Because Jesus kissed His Mother in Holy Communion.  In The Eucharistic Kiss.

I have written in a love-letter before that I believe Holy Communion is like a Holy Kiss from God to us.  I received this inspirational thought one day while I was at Mass.  Let me explain…

In Church, I always sit in the center wing, near the center aisle.  I rarely sit in the side wings of a church, as I desire to see fully the Great Mystery taking place at the altar before the priest.  And oftentimes, when I present myself for Holy Communion, as I look at the Crucifix above the sacred altar, I imagine myself before Jesus Crucified, praying as a poor sinner, with the Blessed Mother before Her Son, for the salvation of souls.

Well, one day, I was at Mass, and as I was praying silently in the Communicant line to receive the Holy Eucharist, a thought was planted in my mind.  This was the thought: just as a bride walks up the center aisle to her bridegroom in a wedding ceremony, so, too, should we approach the Blessed Sacrament to receive Holy Communion in church.  Because each of us is the Bride of Christ and He is Our Bridegroom.  And so, we should approach Him with the same expectant hope and joyful love as a bride on her wedding day.

And having this thought amazed me.  Because, up until this moment, I had always approached Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament as the Sacrificial Lamb for my sins and the sins of humanity.  Yet, with this singular grace, my spirit was invited to approach Jesus as My own Bridegroom, in the Sacrament of not only Thanksgiving, but the Sacrament of Eternal Love.

Sometimes, when I approach the Blessed Sacrament for Holy Communion, I walk kind of slow.  In fact, sometimes, I am so focused on prayer, that I “linger” and a gap forms in the line as people rush forward to receive Jesus.  Yet, for me, it is so hard to rush down the aisle to God.  I’m concentrating so much on “squeezing” so much grace by prayer from each precious moment that I forget about others in front and behind me in line.  And when I realized that I am the bride approaching Her Bridegroom, it makes even more “sense” to me to approach Jesus in the Holy Eucharist that way—slowly, deliberately, with much care and much tender love in my heart.

It is sad, but I think that I am in the “minority.”  I believe that I am one of the few people at our church that receives Jesus on the tongue.  Most people receive Jesus in their hands, but I cannot do that.

In a way, because receiving Holy Communion is like being “kissed” by God, the Holy Eucharist is the most intimate connection one can have with Jesus on earth.  And I cannot do it; I just cannot receive Him in my “soiled” hands.  I am not a priest, who has been blessed and prepared by God to handle The Precious Body and Blood of Christ.  And so, I receive Jesus on my tongue, which is the purest way I can.  Just like a Holy Kiss.

There have been many Eucharistic miracles that have taken place throughout history, where the Consecrated Host has truly turned into The Precious Body and Blood of Christ.  And when this has happened, many scientific studies have been done on the Blessed Sacrament particles, which have all been consistently shown to be heart tissue.

And so, knowing this scientific fact, I have always thought of the Holy Host as a piece of Jesus’ Most Sacred Heart.  So, each time, when I receive Holy Communion, I realize that it is Jesus’ Heart that He Is giving to me.  And so, I like to think to myself, that perhaps, with each Holy Communion that I partake in, my own tiny heart is being transformed, bit-by-bit, into the Heart of My Love.  It is a lovely thought of mine.

I am reminded of an old Jewish midrash (Rabbinic folk story).  There are two versions of the story.  In the first version, before birth, God sends each of us an angel, who imparts all holy wisdom to us in the womb.  Then, just before we are born, the angel touches us between the upper lip and beneath our nose, so we forget all this wisdom.  This is what creates the dimple (indentation) between our upper lip and our nose that is known as the philtrum.  And then, throughout our earthly lives, it is our task to relearn all the holy wisdom that is hidden to us.

In the second version, it is God Himself Who comes to us in the womb.  The Holy Spirit imparts to us all holy wisdom and then, just before birth, God kisses us between our upper lip and beneath our nose, to seal all holy wisdom within us.  Then, it is our task, throughout our earthly lives, to recall His Great Love for us.

It is such a lovely thought to think that God kisses each of us in the womb.  And that He returns to kiss us again in Holy Communion, time and again.  How blessed each of us is to be kissed by Our Lord!

I began this writing by sharing my question of the Blessed Mother ever kissing the Holy Infant Jesus.  Now, I want to share some special Locutions (Locutions To The World) from Our Lady to us about Her First Holy Communion.  They are beautiful…

Locutions To The World

August 15, 2013

Mary

“Who can speak fully of this mystery? Even my own lips cannot find words to adequately praise this divine gift. The mystery began when the Holy Spirit overshadowed me and formed the humanity of Jesus from my body and blood.”

“During his ministry, Jesus promised to give his body and blood as food and drink even saying, “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life and I will raise him on the last day” (Jn.6:54). Many did not believe and they walked away.”

“Finally, on the night that Judas betrayed him, Jesus said to his disciples, “Take and eat. This is my Body. Take and drink, this is the cup of my blood. Do this in remembrance of me”. What happened that night at an unknown table in Jerusalem, is now celebrated every day on thousands of altars in every part of the world. Holy souls are nourished. Weak souls are strengthened. Sinful souls are invited to repent so they, too, can receive. All are invited. How can I describe this mystery? Tomorrow, I will speak of my own First Communion.”

August 16, 2013

Mary

“After Pentecost, I gathered, just like the other believers, to celebrate the mystery of the Eucharist and to receive Holy Communion. I will try to explain my inner feelings and all that happened to me.”

“First, I was filled with the greatest expectation. I had given Jesus his body and blood. Now, I was to receive it. Jesus would again live within me (how familiar this would be to him). His Body and Blood, of course, had been changed. He had lived his life of obedience. He had died and had risen into glory and his body had ascended into its place within the Trinity (where all the just will join him).”

“When Jesus came to me in Communion, he stirred up all my human memories. When devout souls communicate, they try to recall the stories of Jesus, imagining some event in the gospels. For myself, my own heart overflows with maternal memories. I pondered Jesus’ every word and deed. At Communion, all of these were stirred. I relived every event. All the mysteries came alive. At this First Communion, I was immersed again in my entire life with Jesus. Together, we relived all the memories. They were, in a sense, more real than when they happened because Jesus was not outside of me but within. What a union we enjoyed and what emotions filled my heart. I possessed the One who had created me and the one to whom I gave his Body and Blood.”

August 17, 2013

Mary

“He to whom I had given birth, whom I accompanied to the cross and had experienced in the glory of the resurrection, had now returned to me through this mystery of Holy Communion. During pregnancy, a mother enjoys a relationship with the child of her womb. She imagines what it will be like to hold the child, to feed the child and to watch the child grow.”

“When Jesus returned and I once more held him in my heart, my relationship to him was not imaginary. Together we had redeemed the world. Every soul was in our hearts. O Reader, on the day of my First Holy Communion, you were there. We spoke of you. We thought of you. We planned for you all that we would do. We even thought of these words that I would speak to you. Listen closely to me now. “Holy Communion contains every blessing of God. In that mystery, Jesus and I come to you and offer you every gift. In Holy Communion, I enter your heart with Jesus. Desire this bread come down from heaven and receive it as often as possible. With Jesus, I will come.” “

Prophet John Leary
(johnleary.com)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

JESUS

“My people, in the Gospel reading you are acquainted with the healing power of My touch upon people. The lady with bleeding problems was healed because she had faith that I could heal her by touching My clothes. An even more miraculous healing occurred, when I called the dead young girl to rise, and she was brought back to life. When you were conceived in your mother’s womb, I gave you a soul and a guardian angel, as I breathed life into your spirit. Regardless of what people say, your soul is created as an immortal spirit that will live on forever, even beyond the death of your mortal body. I touch all of you in a special way, even on your face between your nose and your mouth. I also come to My faithful in My Real Presence in Holy Communion. Then I touch your soul with My intimate love, as I love all of My creatures, even the ones who turn away from Me. It is My wish that all souls will love Me in return for granting them their gift of life both in body and soul. I call all of you to accept Me, and be with Me for all eternity in heaven. Do not listen to the lies of the devil because he can only call you to fleeting earthly pleasures, and hell fire forever. My call is more rewarding because I love you, but the devil hates you.”

Locutions To The World

March 19, 2012

“Seeking a Home”

Mary

“I open up to you the human heart. How complex it is! Even the person is not aware of what goes on in his own heart. It is known only to Jesus who understood well what was in the hearts of men. Even when he was acclaimed he did not give himself to their hearts, knowing that human hearts are so easily able to change.”

“O reader, there is great darkness in your heart and only on the surface is there some light. If you would allow me, I would place light deeper into your heart. I would reclaim many parts of your heart for the light. That is how you become a child of light, about which I always speak. So, let me begin.”

The Inner Civil War

“Light is truth. In truth, the person sees things as they really are. So, for a moment, let me cast the light of truth upon your heart. What do you honestly see there? Only you are privy to your inner desires. Only you know the attractions of your heart. Within your heart are two sets of desires and these cause a civil war within you. Some desires rise up to heaven wanting to love God. Other desires seek earth and want to cling to all that is selfish. When the heavenly desires lift up your heart, you experience a human freedom and a divine peace. When earthly desires burden your heart, you feel overwhelmed and discouraged, lost and far distant from your Creator.”

“This is the plight of man and reason for all of his problems. Because he is made for God, his heart searches and searches. He knows that earth is not his home. He is in exile. He has in his heart memories that he cannot reconcile to his present existence. Memories of another existence, memories of life with God.”

A Picture of Heaven

“How can this be? How can man remember a previous existence? I am only using this as an image. Every person was created by God at the moment of their conception but God existed forever. The Loving Father placed into everyone’s heart a picture. When a child is born, the parents have a home and a room all prepared. Only as the child grows does he see and appreciate this home provided for him. So, God prepared a heavenly home and he places into everyone’s heart a picture of that heavenly home and a powerful desire to return to that heavenly home and to the heavenly Father from whose hands every person came forth. This is the greatest mystery of the human heart. It desires a home which it has never experienced and will never be content until it regains that home.”

FIFTEEN MINUTES

I am blessed.

I live in a country where I can freely worship God in my Christian faith.  I attend Mass every Sunday and on holy days of obligation each year.

I wish I could attend Mass daily, but it is not possible in my current circumstances.  I have not driven in eight years, ever since my severe car accident in January 2008.  So, I have to rely on public transportation and the generosity of others to attend weekly Mass and monthly Confession, as I am the only person who attends Church regularly in my family.

I also carpool to my fulltime job; so, in order to attend a weekday Mass, it has to be for a special reason, because it will add four hours to my commute on public transportation.  So, I will plan ahead of time to attend holy days of obligation and special feast days meaningful to me, taking vacation time off from work.

Despite these burdens, I am grateful that I can worship God freely each week.  I am grateful that I live in a thriving Catholic diocese that has many parishes in my area, so I can choose Mass times that will accommodate my personal schedule each week.  I know that I am blessed and I thank God with all my heart that I can love Him freely in my country.

Holy Communion is a very special occasion for me.  As I have written before, for me, I consider Holy Communion to be the most intimate connection a soul can have on earth with Our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I call Holy Communion the Eucharistic Kiss and I always strive to make the most of this special time with My Love.

I am not sure if most people realize this, but every moment preceding Holy Communion in the Mass builds up to that special moment.  The prayers, the readings, the homily, everything, etc., is simply preparation for that special encounter with God.  That special intimate time of Holy Communion, which is the summit and climax of the Christian faith.

As I have written before, I am always trying to squeeze more grace in every moment of the Mass.  During every pause, every silent moment, or unattended moment of the Mass, I am saying a prayer to Our Lord and Our Lady.  I view every silence and every pause to be an invitation to pray for the intentions of Our Lady.

Also, the moments immediately preceding Holy Communion are a very special prayer time for me.

While everyone else is waiting in the pews to join the Communicant line, I renew silently before God my personal consecration to the Most Sacred Heart of My Love and the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady.  I then invite all the angels and saints of Heaven to pray along with me to Our Lady in the Mass.

I have several prayer intentions while I am waiting in the Communicant line.  I pray for the poor souls entering Heaven through the Mass that I am attending.  I pray for the dying souls to be covered and saved by the Most Precious Blood of My Love in the Mass that I am attending.  I pray for the unborn to be protected and saved.  I pray for all priests and all religious to stay faithful and true to their religious vows to My Love.  I pray for the lessening of the Great Chastisement and for all souls to be saved through The Warning.  I also pray for my parish community and in atonement for the sacrileges committed in the Blessed Sacrament, especially in the Mass that I am attending.

And of course, I pray for all the intentions of Heaven, especially, the special intentions of the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady.

I think about and pray for all these intentions while waiting in line for Holy Communion.  I pray to Our Lady and St. Joseph.  I pray the Hail Mary and the Glory Be.  I pray many short aspirational prayers.

As I walk down the aisle, I always think about all the poor souls that I am escorting to Heaven.  I know that they are walking beside me, accompanying me to My Love.  And I know that at the exact same moment when I partake in Holy Communion, these poor souls are achieving their beatific union with My Love.  I am very happy for them.

I will reveal something very personal to you, my beloved family.  Before I take each Holy Communion, I always say I love You to God.  I always time my walk in line so that I have just enough time in my prayers to say, I love You Father, I love You Jesus, I love You Holy Spirit.  Then, I listen to the words of the priest pronounce, Body and Blood of Christ.  I bow and say out-loud Amen, then I receive my Holy Kiss from My Love.  I always receive the Holy Eucharist on my tongue from a priest.

Then, after I receive the Holy Eucharist, I will walk a little away from the Communicant line and I will turn back to the priest and I will make the sign of the Cross towards the Sacred Altar, because I cannot simply walk away from God and His Presence in the priest.  I will also take the time to bow before the Presence of Christ in the Holy Eucharist and in the Most Precious Blood that each lay minister in my vicinity is holding, although, I try not to receive from a lay minister during Mass.

At one of the parishes that I attend Mass, there is a beautiful statue of Our Lady next to the Sacred Altar.  Usually, I am the only person who will greet Our Lady after taking Holy Communion.  I cannot simply walk away without greeting Our Lady, thanking Her for Her fiat, and asking for Her intercession for us all in prayer.  I believe it is the most powerful moment of intercessory prayer that I can have with Our Lady, because I have the Precious Body and Blood of Her Son within me.

Then, while kneeling in the pews, I will say my thank You to God.  I will thank My Love for receiving all the poor souls into Heaven through the Mass.  I will thank My Love for saving souls and for granting all the prayer intentions of Our Lady.  I will thank My Love and praise Him for many wonderful things, such as having Our Lady bring me to another Mass.  And I will continue saying my prayer intentions, trying to squeeze even more grace from God.

And if I do not know what to say in that special time with My Love, I will simply say I love You Jesus over and over again, because I really do love Him.

Holy Communion is the source and summit of the Mass.  It is sad to me, my beloved family, but I think the majority of people spend very little time with My Love in Holy Communion.  I do not know, as I have my eyes closed while I am praying in the pews, but I do hear things.  As I am kneeling, adoring My Love, I hear many people sit back in the pews and I do not think the priests spend much time in prayer after they are finished at the Sacred Altar and have placed the Blessed Sacrament within the Holy Tabernacle.

While I am kneeling, continuing to praise My Love with my eyes closed, I hear in the background, parish announcements being read—trying to interrupt this special time with My Love.  I only arise from my kneeling and open my eyes when the priest gives the final blessing of the Mass.  Then, after the final blessing is given, I return to kneeling and praising My Love with my eyes closed, because I know My Love is still within me.

I read once that the Most Precious Body and Blood of Christ stays within us for at least fifteen minutes when one receives Holy Communion.  So, I always strive to spend at least fifteen minutes in Holy Communion with My Love.  Of course, I do not look at my watch during this special time, but I usually open my eyes fifteen-twenty minutes after the hour of Sunday Mass has concluded.  Once, I spent over an hour with My Love in Holy Communion, but that was a special occasion.  That was the day that My Love showed me the coming abomination of desolation, which I have written about in my book and other love-letters.

It is sad, my beloved family, but on rare occasion, I have been kicked out of church, because I am spending too much time adoring My Love in Holy Communion.  It usually happens when I am attending a thirty-minute weekday Mass and the custodian wants to close the church immediately after Mass has concluded.  Thankfully, the custodians of the churches that I attend are more accommodating on Sundays, so while I will be one of the last people to leave the church, I will still be able to give at least my fifteen minutes to My Love.

I love priests, because they bring me My Love, but I wish, in my heart, that generally, priests could be a better witness of the Real Presence of My Love in the Holy Eucharist.

I wish that priests would remind the laity at every Mass of the need to be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion.

I wish that the Holy Eucharist could only be received on the tongue from a priest.

I wish that priests would give My Love at least fifteen minutes of silence for prayer during Holy Communion before giving the final blessing of Mass.

I wish that priests would eliminate all frivolous announcements at the conclusion of the Mass.

And I wish priests would eliminate songs being played and sung at the conclusion of the Mass.  Instead, I wish there was a respectful silence maintained, so the faithful who desired to spend more time in Holy Communion with My Love could do so.

Alas, these changes of reverence in the Mass do not look to be forthcoming anytime soon.  But, I have hope.  Meanwhile, perhaps, change can happen one soul at a time, if each person simply decided for himself to give fifteen minutes to Jesus in Holy Communion at Mass.

Oh, what joy would fill the Most Sacred Heart of My Love!

*                              *                              *

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

July 16, 1999

“Daughter, allow Me to give understanding to your thoughts and to the rapture of your heart, for I am Jesus, born Incarnate. When you come before Me, let it always be as though it were the first time, the first moment of your understanding of My Real Presence. When you receive Me, let it be as My Most Holy Mother received Me at the Annunciation. Ask for the grace. It is given. Ask for the grace to allow Me to stay within the tabernacle of your heart after you receive Me – to linger there – to languish in your soul. I delight in those that desire My Presence. Oh, how I do take delight in them! Believe and have faith that I choose it for each soul.”

*                              *                              *

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

*                              *                              *

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

November 5, 2003

Jesus and Blessed Mother are here with Their Hearts exposed. Blessed Mother says:

“Praise be to Jesus.”

Jesus:

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate…”

“…If you are Catholic and listening to Me, I invite you to comprehend the most important part of your day should be Holy Mass. Much preparation should precede the prayer of the Mass, and much thanksgiving should follow it. Do not let others dictate to you your posture or demeanor in the precious moments after you receive Me in the Holy Eucharist. This is My special time with each soul and needs to be saturated with reciprocating love between the soul and Me. This moment in the interior forum must not be violated by community. Such a practice further reduces the importance of the sacrament of My Real Presence. When each soul is strengthened and nourished in this private moment with their Creator, the entire community will be strengthened. Do not fear putting into practice what I tell you today…”

“…We’re blessing you with the Blessing of Our United Hearts.”

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

I’ve always been fond of love-songs.

Growing up as a child in the 1980s, there were so many beautiful love-songs that I fell in love with singing.  One of those love-songs was from a cartoon movie featuring an immigrant mouse travelling to the New World.

The love-song is called, “Somewhere Out There,” and here are some of the beautiful lyrics:

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight

Someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer

That we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through

Then we’ll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

These days, if the lyrics are appropriate, I enjoy singing love-songs to My Love, The Lord.  I find love-songs used in weddings most especially beautiful and romantic for My Love.  I especially love to sing in spending my prayer-time with God.

I think to myself that music transcends time and space.  I say this, because I like to believe that on those days when My Love walked the earth.  When My Love spent his nights alone in prayer to His Heavenly Father, far from the crowds in the hills of Galilee, that He sometimes looked up to the Heavens and thought about me.

And maybe, just maybe, on one special night, My Love was looking up to the stars and Our Blessed Mother was saying a prayer for me.  That one day, I would find My Love, somewhere out there, out where dreams come true.

In one Locution (Locutions To The World), on January 18, 2013, Jesus reveals how much He passionately loves us.  That His Love is an “insane love,” almost to a fault of being too much so.  He says,

“Why do I reveal these secrets of my heart? Should I not be more careful to keep hidden my plans? It is my love for mankind that causes me to act this way. I cannot hold back. I cannot just take prudent steps. Mine are the steps of insane love. I am deeply in love with mankind, for I have shared his earth and shared in his sufferings. I know the feel of soil beneath my feet and the smell of flowers in the air. I know his fears and I know his trials. I have experienced them all and I know the darkness that can come suddenly upon his world. This is why I speak.”

One day, I want to get “lost in love” in the Eyes of My Love.  When I look into the Eyes of My Love for the first time, I want to so fall in love, that I never look away again.

I simply want to look into His Eyes and have my heart melt in union with His Most Sacred Heart.  I want that one glance, that one look, to mean everything to me.  And I want nothing else than to never have to look away again.

I want to know what “steps of insane love” mean.  To be at the point that I cannot simply hold back, but to be so deeply in love with My God, that nothing else matters except His Holy Will in my life, and that I do everything for the Glory of The Lord.

Sometimes I wonder what it was like for St. John the Beloved to rest his head against the chest of His Divine Master.  Did he hear the sweet melody of the Heartbeat that holds together all of Creation?  Was he caressed by the sweet lullaby of the Words of Our Savior as He spoke to the others?

What was it like to listen to that Heartbeat?  Was he awestruck?

I am reminded of another love-song from the 1980s.  It is called, “Lost In Your Eyes,” and here are some of the lyrics:

I get lost in your eyes

And I feel my spirits rise

And soar like the wind…

Is it love that I am in?

I get weak in a glance

Isn’t this what’s called romance?

And now I know

‘Cause when I’m lost I can let go

I don’t mind not knowing what I’m heading for

You can take me to the skies…

It’s like being lost in heaven

When I’m lost in your eyes

I just fell, don’t know why

Something’s there we can’t deny…

And when I first knew

Was when I first looked at you

And if I can’t find my way

If salvation is worlds away

Oh, I’ll be found

When I am lost in your eyes

Jesus, I want to be lost in Your Eyes.

I want to forever fall in love with You in just one glance.

I want to know how to hold the breadth of Heaven in the tender embrace of Your Arms.

I want to know what it means to soar the highest heights in union with Your Heart.

I want to know Your Heartbeat and to hear it interplay with the beat of my own little heart.

I want to know Your Voice and how the tender Words from Your Lips brought Creation into being.

Jesus, I want to know My Creator, My Love, My One, My All.

Jesus, I want to be lost in Your Eyes.

Jesus, I want to be found by You, My Only Love.

Amen.

For Meditation:

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

November 17, 2014

Jesus is here with His Heart exposed. He says:

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“My brothers and sisters, rest in My Arms, lean against My Most Mournful Heart. Pray for the grace to persevere in Faith, Hope, Love during these evil times. I will give you strength that you did not know you had.”

“Tonight, I’m blessing you with My Blessing of Divine Love.”

MY LOVE, MY ULTIMATE CRUSH

I like to think of myself as a hopeful romantic.

As a teenager, I had a secret crush on a classmate for over seven years.  We were friends and even though I knew that he liked me, I could never gather enough courage to tell him of my mutual feelings.  I also knew that nothing would ever come of it as my parents did not believe in dating as a teenager.  So, I spent many nights secretly pining over this innocent crush with tears freely falling down my face as I listened to and sung sweet love-songs on the radio.

Such is a teenage crush.

And then, came the last day of high school, and I shed tears of joy for achieving graduation, mixed with tears of sorrow, for that was the last day that I saw my secret crush.

But, God Is Amazing.  He created a huge place called earth for us to live on, and yet, in this huge world, it really is a small place, because with the ease of technology, each of us can reconnect with long-lost loved ones as if it was yesterday.

Such is the situation with me, a soul, the hopeful romantic.

When I became a Christian thirteen years ago, I asked God to help me.

I composed a list of everyone that I had truly hurt over the years and whom I felt the need to apologize.  And one-by-one, God has brought those individuals back into my life through some way or another over the years and I have been able to apologize and mend hearts, especially my own, together again.

And so, this happened to me with my secret crush.  Through the ease of technology, I found him again and befriended him online.  I was able to apologize for hurting him badly as a teenager and I finally had the courage to profess my teenage affections of innocent love.  And we have been able to laugh and share stories over the years as internet buddies.

God Is Amazing, huh?

Now, I truly believe that there is a rhyme and there is a reason for everything in life—for everything, good and bad, that God permits to happen to each of us.  And, as long as God understands His Perfect Divine Plan, I do not need to understand every rhyme and every reason for my life—I only need to follow Him in all ways and in the end, it will all make sense.

That is how I trust in God.

And so, as I sometimes reflect back on my life, I realize that those seven years of innocently adoring my secret crush were the perfect preparation for me to adore My Ultimate Crush, My Love, My One and Only Treasure, My Jesus.

Because, who, but only God, would know that all those sweet love-songs I sang for my secret crush, I would, one day, sing for Him?

JESUS, I love You.

Yes, My Jesus Is My Ultimate Crush.

It is said that when one passes over (dies), at his own particular judgment before the Throne of Jesus that one’s life passes before his eyes.  And so, each of us will understand then, every given moment of one’s life from conception to death.  We will understand the rhyme and reason behind everything that did or did not happen and the motivations behind every deed or act.

And at our particular judgments, each of us will understand and see everything through the Eyes of God.  We will understand how God views and understands each of us.

Well, The Holy Spirit revealed something very beautiful and profound to me tonight.

I have always believed that My Love, Jesus, lived His earthly life—individually—for each of us.

Because Jesus Is God, I know in my heart, that He lived every moment for me, every moment for you, every moment for every person living today.

What I mean by those words are this: Jesus lived every moment of His earthly life thinking about and doing everything in every moment uniquely for every person to ever be born or created in God’s Divine Plan.  There is not one single moment that Jesus did not think or remember you.

And so, I know in my heart that one of the most beautiful graces of Heaven is to have My Love share His earthly life with each of you, every living soul.  To have Jesus walk with every soul, sharing all the things He did in His earthly life with each soul, reminiscing why He did something particularly for you.

I look forward to that time in eternity.  To walk with My Love and hear from His divine Lips why He said a certain prayer at a certain moment of His earthly life, because He simply knew I would need that special grace at a certain moment of my life.

I look forward to seeing my life through Christ’s Eyes.

And so, The Holy Spirit revealed to me Jesus is the end and beginning of everything.

***

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

May I always trust in You.

Amen.

***

REFLECTION:

Direction for Our Times
(directionforourtimes.com)

“Heaven Speaks To Those Who Are Dying”

St. John the Apostle

“Dear friend, we, your heavenly companions whisper into the ears of your soul during this time. We are helping you to leave this world and enter the next. We do this to assist you and we do this because it gives up joy to see that you are nearly finished with your earthly labors. We are happy for you. Any expectations you have of heaven and God’s Kingdom are certainly underestimates because nothing can prepare you for the love of the family you are about to meet. We are all together in God’s love and God’s love unites us. This is the truth. Another part of the truth that will delight you is the personal, intimate love God has for you. You will experience this in Jesus Christ, our beloved Friend and Savior. I lived for love of Christ on earth. In heaven, I live “because” of the love of Christ. How far short I fall when I begin to talk about the love of Jesus Christ. It is like trying to describe an ocean by indicating a small cup of water. Still, even though one is destined to fall short, one must begin. Jesus loves you so much that He lived each day for you, personally. The fact that He lived each day on earth for you personally in no way detracts from the fact that He lived each day for me personally. Because of the nature of God, God can be equally present to each man simultaneously. You will never be separated from Him again. You will know perfect security, perfect acceptance, and perfect intimacy with Him in heaven. My friend, there are those who will choose eternal separation from our beloved Jesus but you will not do so. You will choose Jesus. Choose Him now so that He can shower you with mercy, thus preparing you for your homecoming. Confess your sins. Admit to your failures. If you do this now, grieve for your sins, you will have begun the process of self-acceptance. Jesus forgives you if you repent. This is always the case. But you have the need in your humanity to accept yourself and become peaceful about your past sins. If you do this on earth, there will be no barrier to an immediate unity with Jesus, in other words, heaven. If you do not finish the work on earth, you will have a need to finish the work in the heavenly Kingdom, that is, in purgatory. I, John, am encouraging you to at least begin this process now. Either way, Jesus is all mercy, all forgiveness. If you trust in Jesus, in His mercy, He will reward you with an unlimited amount of this mercy. Oh, my dear friend, take my words to your heart and believe them. I am trying to help you by giving you good advice and accurate information. Be humble and accept me as your brother, who gives wise counsel. I am praying for you now. Ask me to help you in this process and I will do so. Peace be with you and with all those around you.”

THANK YOU JESUS

“I AM The Way, The Truth, and The Life.”

JESUS

(Gospel of John, Chapter 14, Verse 6)

*                           *                           *

Oftentimes, I have wondered what my first moment will be like when I first see My Love, My Jesus in Heaven.

My two favorite stories in Holy Scripture are the stories of St. Peter walking on water towards My Love and the early morning on the beach of the Sea of Galilee when My Love asks St. Peter, Do you love Me? three times…  Both involve St. Peter whom I admire so much for his passionate love of God.

And so, sometimes I imagine my entry into Heaven like this…

I will be in the final level of purgatory.  It will be early morning and the sky will be very beautiful.  The sun will be dawning, casting all these red and pink rays of light everywhere.  There will be a large, calm sea and I will be sitting, on a kind of rocky shoreline for a beach, with my back against a small tree.

And as I sit there, just contemplating all the Goodness and Beauty of God, I will begin to hear the angelic choirs from Heaven sing my favorite song ever, “I Can Only Imagine,” by the Christian band, MercyMe, which is about meeting Jesus for the first time.

And in that moment, I will begin to see My Love, My Jesus walk across water towards me.  Oh, how happy I will be—I’ll cry tears of such ecstatic joy—and when My Love reaches me, He will open His Arms wide open to take me home.  And with His soft eyes deeply staring into mine, I will go to Heaven that way.  Just looking at My Love, My God, Who so completely loved me before I was ever born.  Who loved me despite all the times that I denied Him, despite all my sins, etc.

This is my little pipe dream.

I honestly do not know how it will happen exactly, so I just dream it will be this way.  Now, My Love could surprise me, as I will be content with whatever my final moments in purgatory will be, but how special it would be to enter my eternal state of blissfulness, the beatific vision, in union with My God that way…

I have a “special song” with My Love.  It is called, “Who Am I,” by the Christian band, Casting Crowns.  It is a “special song,”  because when I make it to Heaven, I want to serenade My Jesus with this song.  The lyrics are so beautiful to me, and oftentimes, I will cry, when I sing them.

In particular, there is a certain part of the song that really affects my heart:

“Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me…”

For me, it is like the lyrics combine two of my favorite stories of My Love in Holy Scripture—the story of St. Peter walking on water towards My Love, and the Do you love Me? story on that special morning between My Love and St. Peter on the beach near the Sea of Galilee.

I just have this great fondness for “water” and “morning sunrises” on the beach, I suppose…

(And a great fondness for My Love).

I will tell you, precious one.  On that beautiful morning, when I was given the ring of the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord, I asked My Love if I would ever see Him or hear His Voice while I was still living on earth.  And My Love did not directly answer my question, but rather, My Love promised that one day, I would see His Mother, Our Beautiful and Sweet Queen of Heaven.

And I will tell you, dear precious one, that sometimes, My Love will whisper to me a phrase or tell me something in my soul, and these are all true stories.  Yet, I still have never heard My Love’s Voice.  In the sense, that I have never heard My Love so clearly, so distinctly, that I would be able to recognize The Voice of My Savior, My God, My One, My All, if I ever heard It again.

I wonder if My Love has a nice Voice.  Nice, in the sense that I could hear gentle compassion in every word that He speaks to me.

I also wonder if My Love has a Laugh that would be joyful to hear.  The kind of laugh that is infectious and makes others want to laugh and smile, too.

And, especially, I wonder if My Love likes to sing…  Would My Love like to sing a duet with me?  Which love-song would it be?

I will tell you, precious one, that one day, when we are in Heaven, we will be given ultimate knowledge of all of Creation—how everything works and interplays with one another.  There is no lack of knowledge and wisdom in Heaven.  And all those cravings we have on earth to seek knowledge and understanding of all things will ultimately be satisfied then.

And yet, I will frankly share with you, dear one, that I would gladly give all that up.  The wisdom and knowledge of Heaven, if I could only have this one wish granted.  That I always be with My Jesus and that My Love never leaves me.

I do not need to know everything.  I do not need to know how the stars are fixed in the sky.  I do not need to know how the ocean waves flow or what makes a flower bloom.

All I need to know is that My Love is the God that I have always dreamed Him to Be.  A sweetness beyond sweetness.  A kindness beyond kindness.  And The Ultimate Love of my tiny heart.

Oh, how I pray that when I first see My Love, I remember to thank Him…

Before I even whisper the words, “I love You,” I want to thank My Love, My Jesus, with all my heart.  Oh, how important it is to me, that I say first, “Thank You, Jesus,” with all that I am.

I love You, Lord.

May I always love You.

Amen.

—a soul

(As recollected from personal diaries, 2008 & 2010)

MY HEART LOST ALL CONTROL

By a soul

Many people know that God loves them.  Few, though, know that God Is in love with them.

Our Lord Is passionately in love with every soul on earth.

The Most Sacred Heart of Our Lord beats passionately every moment for the return of human affection.  God desires not simply a people that loves Him.  Our Lord desires every soul to be passionately in love with Him.  He Is the Eternal Bridegroom.  We are the Radiant Bride.

There are certain heavenly messages that I always come back to, to reread, because their words so beautifully touch my soul.  The Locution of January 18, 2013 is one of them (Locutions To The World).  Here are the special words from My Love, Jesus:

“Why do I reveal these secrets of my heart? Should I not be more careful to keep hidden my plans? It is my love for mankind that causes me to act this way. I cannot hold back. I cannot just take prudent steps. Mine are the steps of insane love. I am deeply in love with mankind, for I have shared his earth and shared in his sufferings…”

To read the words of My Jesus of how much He Is deeply in love with mankind fills my tiny heart with so much complete affection and total devotion for Him.  To read that His Love Is to the point of taking steps of insane love, makes my tiny heart soar upwards, desiring so much perfect union with Him.

Sometimes, I may falter in uncertainty or trust.  But, then My Love brings me back to the night of July 13, 2008—that special night that I have written so much about to you all—and the memories are like soothing balm to my tiny heart.  Then, I have no more doubts or fears.

As you all know, on that special night, I received my own Ring of the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord—a constant reminder of the faithfulness of My Love and Our Lady.  And it was also on that special night that St. Elijah the Prophet was appointed as my Special Protector.

I want to recall a memory that I wrote about in my book, “Be My Extended Hands,” Chapter Eight.  I wrote this:

(Excerpt)

Then, my Special Protector said to me, “Prepare! The Lord wants to give you a gift. A special sunrise!”

And with mixed emotion, as I did not want The Lord to leave me that night, but having some joyful consolation with a gift of a “special sunrise,” I started to get teary-eyed at The Lord’s soon departure…

I then sat up on my bed, with tears freely falling down my face, as I asked my Special Protector “where was the special sunrise?” as I looked towards the sunlight peeking through the full blinds of my bedroom window, unable to clearly see the dawning sun…

My Special Protector then revealed to me, “the sun rose in my eyes.”

And, of course, upon hearing those words, my tears began to flow even more, as I thought how romantic My Love Is.

I love You, Lord.

My God, how I love Thee…

*                              *                              *

I bring up this precious memory of mine, because I made a connection today between the words that St. Elijah spoke that night to me on behalf of My Love and a certain love-song.  A connection of the words, “the sun rose in my eyes.”  So, I have been thinking about those tender words while I listen to the love-song.  Here are the particular lyrics:

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

My Love Is so romantic…  To recall that My Love gave me a special sunrise as He departed—my tears falling for love of Him as I arose from my bed—just warms my tiny romantic heart.

(Yes, a soul is a hopeful romantic).

As I written before, I received the special Ring from My Love that night.  When I finally revealed this visitation to my parish priest (I kept it a secret to myself for six months), he brought up the concept of “mystical marriage” in the lives of the Saints.

My Love never told me that I became espoused to Him with the Ring.  So, I have never applied the idea of “mystical marriage” to myself.  Honestly, that would be too glorious for my tiny heart to handle and I am by no means a Saint(!).

I just simply know that the Ring reflects my redemption in Christ.  And ever-since that day, My Love and Our Lady walk hand-in-hand with me every moment of my life.

Having the Ring, I wondered for many years why My Love gave it to me, because I am very undeserving.  But then, as I wrote in my love-writing, “Our Lady Of Medjugorje – March 18th – A Mystery Revealed,” that God finally revealed His intentions why to me in March 2015.

My Love desired to give a Ring of Redemption to every soul on earth.  My Love and Our Lady desire to walk hand-in-hand with every soul on earth during each moment of one’s life.  A special grace for every soul on earth in the years ahead.

And when this wish was finally revealed to me, I became over-joyed to know that this was the true intentions of My Love—to know that this great grace was available to everyone—because it simply did not make sense to me for so many years why the Ring was given to me alone.

And knowing in my tiny heart that My Love Is the Eternal Bridegroom to every soul on earth, it simply makes sense to me that My Love would desire mystical marriage with everyone.  Because My Love Is passionately in love with every soul on earth.

Such the romantic Is My Love…  My God, how I love Thee…

Now, you, my beloved family, are well-aware of my real name, although I choose to write my love-letters under a pseudonym, a soul.  Well, I was inspired to think about my name today, as I sometimes have wondered its relevance in the past, as I pondered my thoughts in connection with the love-song, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.”

My first name is Diana.  My first name is of Latin origin, which means, “the divine,” and in Roman mythology, my first name is associated with the moon.

And my middle name, April, is also of Latin origin.  It means, “to open.”

When I returned to the faith over twelve years ago, it came time for me to choose a Patron Saint, as I was preparing to receive my first Holy Communion and the Sacrament of Confirmation.  For weeks, I was torn between choosing St. Philomena and St. Cecilia, because I was so inspired by their martyrdoms and my heavenly sisters have helped me so much in my conversion.

I finally settled on St. Cecilia, because she was the first Saint that I became aware of that so inspired me.  So, my Christian name is Cecilia, which is Latin for “the way to the blind.”

And years afterwards, it dawned on me that my full name, Diana April Cecilia, means:

“The Divine Opens the Way to the Blind”

The Blessed Mother has always inspired me in my conversion.  As the Blessed Mother is known as the “Morning Star” and is associated with the Dawn and the Moon, I have always felt an intimate connection with Our Lady and Our Queen due to my name.

(Because I like to think to myself that I can be like the moon for others—reflecting the Rays of the Eternal Son to all souls in my path).

And so, My Love has been inspiring me today to think many lovely thoughts while I listen to certain love-songs.   Perhaps, My Love is serenading to me:

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

My tiny heart likes to dream so…  That perhaps, I will follow in the footsteps of my Special Protector, St. Elijah the Prophet, and that as the moon, I can help light the way for souls—the stars in the heaven—so, they can become closer to My Love’s Most Sacred Heart.

There is another heavenly message that I ponder upon and reread often.  It is the special message of November 1, 1999 on All Saints’ Day at Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org).  Here are the words that so move me from My Love, Jesus:

Follow Me blindly, for perfect love casts out all fear. Therefore, surrender the future to Me in trust. Do not be concerned for a plan or your next step. I am always with you. The deepest chamber of My Heart is reserved for the souls who will follow Me blinded by the light of Our Hearts; that is, blinded by love. My blessing rests on such as these.

I so hope with all my heart and all my soul that I will have one day the “perfect love [that] casts out all fear.”  So many times, I have contemplated the words of being “blinded by love”—blinded by the Holy Light of the United Hearts of My Love and Our Lady.

My heavenly sister, St. Lucy, helps me so much in truly understanding these holy words of My Love.  St. Lucy helps me to understand what it means to be “blinded by love.”  In fact, truly, all my heavenly sistersSt. Philomena, St. Cecilia, and St. Lucy—continually inspire me so much in my faith and in understanding the desires of My Love.

I thank My Love so much.  I am truly blessed to have them as role models in my life.  And I am blessed, as I also share an intimate connection with their names, similar to Our Lady.  Philomena (Filumena) is Latin for “daughter of the Light.” The name also refers to “clearness” of sight and “understanding.”  And Lucy (Lucia) is Latin for “bright” and “born at daybreak.”  The name is also derived from the Latin word for “Light.”

Thank You, My Love, for your gifts, blessings, and graces, in my life.

But, I love You not simply for the gifts, blessings, and graces, You give me…  I love You for being the Ultimate and True Love of my tiny heart…

May I always love Thee with all I am…

*                              *                              *

Here are some excerpts from a few Locutions of Our Lady (Locutions To The World):

September 20, 2012

“…Man’s heart is made for the infinite God.  Nothing else will satisfy.  All other searches will result in frustration because no finite good can quench the infinite thirst which lies in the human heart.

No one can remove this thirst.  Even death itself does not take it away.  After death, the human heart must face itself.  The human person is alone after death, with no other options.  The human person is either filled with the infinite God or is eternally empty from not seeking the infinitely good Trinity.  Only God can save man from the agony of his own infinite desires.

September 21, 2012

“Man does not understand his own heart because he is consumed with his surface desires, the needs of each day.  He is carried along by these desires and seeks only to fulfill his needs.  He does not understand the deep recesses of his heart which are crying out for so much more.  He does not listen to the deep voices within himself that try to tell him that he is infinite, with an infinite thirst and infinite desires.  He never listens to what is within.  He never stops.  He never prays.  He never lifts up his mind or heart.”

“That is why I speak my words. They are my kindest invitations for man to find his inner self and his infinite thirsts.  Then, he will truly seek what he is created for, the living God, the Father of my Son, Jesus…”

September 28, 2012

“…All these truths were based upon the answer to the question, “Who is Jesus?” The question cannot be put away. It is central to all of his claims. How can Jesus be the light of the world, the source of eternal life, the way, the truth and the life, unless he is also God’s only begotten Son, equal to the Father, God from God, light from light, true God from true God? I rest my case. I began speaking of the infinite thirst of the human heart and I have led you to the infinite fountain of life-giving waters, my Son, Jesus. Only you can choose to drink from that fountain.

*                              *                              *

As I have just shared, Our Lady reveals that each person has a heart made for the Infinite God.  That the heart of each person has infinite thirsts and infinite desires that can only be satisfied by the Infinite God.  Nothing else will satisfy this essential human need—the Infinite Love of God, Our Creator.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord,

and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

St. Augustine

So much of the world is heartsick.  So much of the world is running around, chasing after false loves, when the answer for their empty hearts can be found in front of them, if they only stopped for a moment and looked up.

There are lyrics of another love-song that I am listening to that also really touches me.  Here is the particular part of the love-song:

There was no special one for me

I was the lonely one, you see

But then my heart lost all control

Now you’re all that I know

I never suspected that my heart was restless.  I never thought that I was lonely.  But, in the deepest recesses of my being, I knew that I was lacking something to complete myself.  I felt an unexplainable emptiness that I tried not to dwell on from day-to-day.  Instead, I focused on trying to reach my immediate goals and aspirations.

I never imagined to myself that the inner-emptiness I felt and my incomplete satisfaction with finite things and human relationships was due to my fundamental lack of faith in God.  I was blind.

But then, by sheer, unmerited grace alone, I discovered the reality of God.  I discovered My Love, Jesus, and when I realized how lost that I was without Him, my heart lost all control…

I wanted nothing to separate me from My God ever again.  I began the steps of total conversion.  My Love became everything to me.  I wanted to walk in the Light of the Truth, the Way of The Lord.  I wanted to shout from rooftops about My Love and how He saved me.

Now, it is twelve years later, and I have walked many steps of conversion.  I have had to shed so many countless things in my life to follow My Love.  I am far from perfect and I struggle daily.  But, My Love Is worth it.  He continually satisfies me in all things, especially, matters of the heart.  My infinite thirsts and my infinite desires are fully quenched by My Infinite God.  The True Love of my tiny heart.

*                              *                              *

It is now 2am, well-past midnight, and I am still listening to love-songs

I took a break from writing this love-note, so I could sing to My Love.  I began to sing anew the love-song, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” and My Love continued to give me many lovely thoughts in my mind.

Earlier, I wrote that perhaps, with the beautiful words, My Love was serenading me.  And My Love opened my mind further to realize the love-song was a duet.

First, I will share the entire lyrics of the love-song.  Then, I will explain My Love’s desires…

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

 

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command, my love

 

And the first time ever I lay with you

I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth

And last ’til the end of time, my love

And it would last ’til the end of time, my love

 

The first time ever I saw your face

Your face

Your face

Your face

I have written before, that sometimes, I wonder what my first moments will be like when I gaze finally upon the Holy Face of My Love…

Oftentimes, my favorite song called, “I Can Only Imagine,” by the Christian band, MercyMe, has revealed holy and even miraculous things to me of God.  And, because it is a song that speaks of the first moments of seeing My Love in Heaven, I have always fancied to myself that perhaps, when I gaze upon My Love for the first time, I will hear the angelic choirs sing this song in the background…  It is a lovely thought I have had many times…

And then, I have written before, that sometimes, I have the lovely thought of My Love and me sitting in a small boat, while My Love sings a loving serenade to His Beloved Father, which stops all of Creation, as It listens to the Beautiful Voice of Its Creator…  Then, My Love takes my hand and then we dance a slow waltz under the stars of Heaven…  Two Hearts embraced in One Another’s arms for all eternity…

I never knew the love-song that My Love and I would dance to…  I never knew if there would be a duet that we would sing Together someday in Heaven…

Tonight, My Love revealed to me the special love-song that He selected beforehand.  Our special love-song…  Our duet of Love…

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

And so, our voices will come Together with the words, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” as our eyes meet and we fall forever in Passionate Love with One Another in eternity…

And the Son (sun) will rise in my eyes, as I praise My Love for the moon (Our Lady) and the stars (the children of Our Heavenly Father), whom My Love saved from the darkness and placed as great Lights in the endless skies…

Tonight, My Love also reminded me of a previous love-writing, “Serenade To The Mother,” which I shared with you all, my beloved family, with my second love-letter in February 2011.  In the special love-writing, I wrote about my deep love for Our Lady and how I desired to be an ever-blooming rose at Her tender feet.

My Love reminded me of my Serenade to His Beloved Mother, because in that love-writing, I included special words of My Love given to Blessed Maria Valtorta in the Poem of the Man-God.  In those special words, My Love spoke about the two great plenary indulgences granted that come directly from Him, The Supreme and Eternal Pontiff:

A Love that covers a multitude of sins and Obedience unto death.

In particular, My Love reminded me of these holy words He spoke to Blessed Maria Valtorta:

May 19, 1944

“…How beautiful it is to hear in the woods, at evening, the chorus of the birds. Before putting themselves to rest, they sing with all the trills of their throats the prayer of praise to the Father Who nourished them! [Then] it seems like the choir falls away; but there is always the most enamored [bird] that throws out a new trill and incites the others to follow him, since the sun has not yet fallen, and the light is such a beautiful thing that they should bid it farewell so that it may love them and return in the morning, when the good God again allows a scattered seed on the ground to be seen, a lost gnat, or a little tuft of wool to be carried to the little ones, or to give to a little throat what the good Lord feeds [them]. And the chorus continues until the light dies and these grateful [ones] gather themselves on a branch, little balls of warmth that still give a chirp under their feathers in order to say: ‘Thank you, O my Creator.’”

“The death of the just is like that of the rose, it is like the sleep of the bird. Sweet, beautiful, pleasing to the Lord. In the arena of a circus or in the darkness of a prison, amid the affection of relatives or in the solitude of one who has no one [near], swift or slow with torments, death is always, always, always glory rendered to God.”

“Accept it with peace. Desire it with peace. Accomplish it with peace. Let My peace remain in you even in this trial, in this desire, in this consummation. Have My peace already in you, even now, and for this last thing…”

*                              *                              *

Oh, my beloved family, I have shared with you all that My Love gave me St. Lucy as my Patron Saint, as a heavenly sister and as a spiritual comfort, because I will face a similar martyrdom to hers someday…

Tonight, My Love also reminded me of my first Holy Communion over twelve years ago.  As I have revealed before, my first Holy Communion took place in my bedroom during my second stay at a mental hospital.  I had longed for The Holy Eucharist for so long and My Love finally came to me when I needed Him so much in my soul.  I have also written to you all in a love-writing titled, “Holy Kiss,” that I believe reception of The Holy Eucharist is like a “Holy Kiss” with God, because It is the most intimate Communion one can have with My Love on earth.

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

And so, our voices will sing the words, “the first time ever I kissed your mouth,” as Together, My Love and I will re-live each shared moment of a Eucharistic Kiss…  And I will feel the beating Most Sacred Heart of My Love move like the earth beneath my hand, which I place on My Love’s Holy Chest as we dance in each other’s arms…

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command, my love

My Love consummated the Last Obedience to His Beloved Father through the Ultimate Sacrifice of The Cross.  Like a captive bird filled with a trembling heart of Total Love for mankind, held up solely by Divine Command and Divine Will of His Beloved Father…

And so, I pray with all my heart that my future martyrdom, in obedient imitation of My Love, will be like the “sleep of the bird”—“sweet, beautiful, pleasing” to My Love and “always, always, always glory rendered to God…”

And the first time ever I lay with you

I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth

And last ’til the end of time, my love

And it would last ’til the end of time, my love

And when the words of the love-song are, “and the first time ever I lay with you,” My Love brings me back to another precious promise He made, as I lay on my bed holding the Holy Hand of My Love, on that special night of July 13, 2008…

My Love promised me that if I persevere in my love to Him, that He would bring me to Heaven.  He would allow me to finally see the Ring that He slipped on my finger that special night.  And after I see the Ring, it would then shatter in my sight, because my eternal salvation and beatific joy will be fulfilled finally in My Love.

My tiny heart will finally beat in perfect union with My Love’s Most Sacred Heart…

And our joy will fill the earth and all the heavens, and will last forever, for all eternity…

My God, how I love Thee…

May I always love Thee…

You are the Only Love of my devoted heart…

I love You, Jesus.  I am in love with You…

You are My Heart.  You are My Love.

Amen.

FOR REFERENCE

Locutions To The World

January 18, 2013

Jesus

“Why do I reveal these secrets of my heart? Should I not be more careful to keep hidden my plans? It is my love for mankind that causes me to act this way. I cannot hold back. I cannot just take prudent steps. Mine are the steps of insane love. I am deeply in love with mankind, for I have shared his earth and shared in his sufferings. I know the feel of soil beneath my feet and the smell of flowers in the air. I know his fears and I know his trials. I have experienced them all and I know the darkness that can come suddenly upon his world. This is why I speak.”

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

November 1, 1999
All Saints’ Day

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“Today, child, we honor many and all unknown saints. That is, these saints are unknown to the world but [are] deep within the chambers of My Heart, for they are all martyrs of love. No one achieves sanctification without surrendering to this martyrdom of love. My Mother was the perfect example of this beautiful fulfillment of martyrdom. Unknown to the world was Her pain and sorrow. Unknown as well, Her heroic acts of surrender to love.”

Follow Me blindly, for perfect love casts out all fear. Therefore, surrender the future to Me in trust. Do not be concerned for a plan or your next step. I am always with you. The deepest chamber of My Heart is reserved for the souls who will follow Me blinded by the light of Our Hearts; that is, blinded by love. My blessing rests on such as these.

FOR REFERENCE

“The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”

Sung by Roberta Flack

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command, my love

And the first time ever I lay with you

I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth

And last ’til the end of time, my love

And it would last ’til the end of time, my love

 The first time ever I saw your face

Your face

Your face

Your face

***

“Will You Still Love Me?”

Sung by Chicago

Take me as I am

Put your hand in mine now and forever

Darling here I stand, stand before you now

Deep inside I always knew

It was you, you and me

Two hearts drawn together bound by destiny

It was you and you for me

Every road leads to your door

Every step I take forever more

Just say you’ll love me for the rest of your life

I gotta lot of love and I don’t want to let go

Will you still love me for the rest of my life?

‘Cause I can’t go on

No, I can’t go on

I can’t go on

If I’m on my own

[…]

Do you believe a love could run so strong?

Do you believe a love could pass you by?

There was no special one for me

I was the lonely one, you see

But then my heart lost all control

Now you’re all that I know

FOR REFERENCE

Locutions To The World

“Quenching Man’s Thirst”

Words from Our Lady

September 19, 2012

“Every loving mother watches over her children.  She sacrifices for her children, knowing that a time will come when they, too, will have children for whom they will sacrifice.  This is the rhythm of human life which God intended, love being passed on from one generation to another until the end of time.  Then, all love will be gathered up in the eternal kingdom.”

“What has happened to God’s original plan that only love should flow out from the human heart?  Other elements have been introduced into this stream.  Now it is filled with strange objects and even dangerous and harmful emotions.  Such is the mixture of human life about which I will speak so everyone can gain true wisdom and not be deceived by the world’s foolishness.”

September 19, 2012

“The human heart is so twisted that selfishness is called love and love is called narrow mindedness. God, in his great love, has given the Ten Commandments. These truths, given from his deepest love, are thrown aside. When they are rejected, the selfish desires and lusts that lurk within the human heart have no limits. They overflow and destroy. Man accepts no constraint, except what is forced upon him. The result is violence, as force is met with force.”

“All violence comes from the unrestrained desires of the human heart. It erupts because God’s limits on man’s desires have been rejected as too narrow.”

September 20, 2012

“I want to go to the very center of the human heart.   This center orients the person.  If the center is not focused correctly, other efforts to bring the human heart onto its right path will fail.  This orientation of the human heart has been totally overlooked by modern man.”

“Man’s heart is made for the infinite God.  Nothing else will satisfy.  All other searches will result in frustration because no finite good can quench the infinite thirst which lies in the human heart.”

“No one can remove this thirst.  Even death itself does not take it away.  After death, the human heart must face itself.  The human person is alone after death, with no other options.  The human person is either filled with the infinite God or is eternally empty from not seeking the infinitely good Trinity.  Only God can save man from the agony of his own infinite desires.”

September 21, 2012

“Man does not understand his own heart because he is consumed with his surface desires, the needs of each day.  He is carried along by these desires and seeks only to fulfill his needs.  He does not understand the deep recesses of his heart which are crying out for so much more.  He does not listen to the deep voices within himself that try to tell him that he is infinite, with an infinite thirst and infinite desires.  He never listens to what is within.  He never stops.  He never prays.  He never lifts up his mind or heart.”

“That is why I speak my words. They are my kindest invitations for man to find his inner self and his infinite thirsts.  Then, he will truly seek what he is created for, the living God, the Father of my Son, Jesus.  That will be my next teaching.”

September 22, 2012

“It is difficult for man to plumb the depth of his own being.  So, the heavenly Father has sent his only Son, Jesus, who is the perfect image of the Father.  In Jesus, man sees the perfect reflection of God and understands that within himself he has an infinite thirst.  Everyone must study the heart of Jesus.  Therefore, I will explain, the heart of Jesus.”

“Jesus never sought his own interests.  From the very beginning, he had shared his Father’s glory, but he emptied himself and became flesh and lived among us.  Jesus would often speak of this far-off glory and of a world that always was and always will be.  He called this world, “the kingdom”.  He would say, “People are meant for the kingdom where they are to live forever.  I would ask him, “How will this come about?”  He would only say, “That is why I have come into the world.” ”

September 23, 2012

“Jesus saw this kingdom in every human person. I never met anyone who loved each person as Jesus did. He knew everyone’s name and what each one preferred. He knew how to speak to everyone and to say just the right word. He enjoyed being with everyone – with adults, with boys and girls his own age and even with small children. All were his friends. He was always innocent, yet he quickly understood and avoided evil. He gave his heart to everyone. However, if someone did not deserve this gift, he would hold it in reserve.”

“Jesus walked his own path, with an understanding far beyond his years. He had unbelievable emotional warmth, as if every feeling in him was perfectly attuned like a harp that played only harmonious notes. Then, there was his time of solitude. I’ll explain that next.”

September 24, 2012

“Jesus was always alone, that is the only way I can describe it. Even when he was with others and obviously enjoying their company, he was still alone. Something within always absorbed him. He gave himself fully to others, yet he held on to himself totally. It was as if a whole other world was within his heart and he was always absorbed with that world, trying to grasp its riches.”

“At times, his mind would wander off. This was not so much daydreaming as experiencing a world that the rest of us could not enter. On this point, I came very close to Jesus’ heart. Somehow, I understood what he was experiencing and I began to experience the same world as he did.”

“Sometimes, he would speak and reveal an aspect of this world. His words would be clear and piercing to my heart. I felt like he was communicating that world to me. Later, all of Israel would hear those words and many would believe Jesus when he said that the kingdom was at hand. Next time, I will share some of those words and you, too, can have your heart opened to his kingdom.”

September 25, 2012

“My conversations with Jesus were different than any other conversations. He would speak of the normal things of earth but he saw everything differently. He understood the real purpose of life, what God wanted to accomplish in childhood games and youthful gatherings. As he grew, he understood better than any adult. He was never swayed by passing things.”

“More important were those moments when we were alone. He talked about serious things. He commented on various events, and always saw the decisions of the human heart. He understood human nature. He even understood sinfulness and selfish choices. All was clear to him, like he saw through everything and could read human hearts.”

“He even read my heart and saw all the love that God had placed there. He knew I was without sin and also that his words increased my holiness. I understood his heart like no one else did and he would open up his heart. These were the special moments, when I saw his desires and listened to his thoughts. I will try to describe those memories.”

September 26, 2012

“Because Joseph needed his sleep after his day of toil, Jesus and I would be alone at night. All would be quiet and still.”

“He would begin with a question that became the subject of that night’s talk. He saw God’s mystery and wanted to know all he could. As I would explain something about God or about our Jewish faith, Jesus would take my words and go far beyond them. He would take me into the heart of the heavenly Father.”

“He did not realize it but he saw and understood God far better than I did. Each night, he revealed the great mysteries of God in the easiest to understand words. I am not sure that he even understood the gifts of divine wisdom that he possessed. He was like a great mathematician who sees complex truths but is not in awe of his own talents. Each night, I sat at the feet of this young man who understood better than the wisest sage and could explain these realities in the simplest of words. I knew that, soon, even greater mysteries would be revealed to him.”

September 28, 2012

“One night, Jesus said, “God is not far from the world and especially he is not far from the Jewish people. He is close to the world and very close to Israel. How close can he come? Nothing is impossible to God”. (When he said those words I gasped because Gabriel had used the same expression.).”

“He went on, “I even believe that God could become a man and dwell among us. I think he would be Jewish and that he would choose a Jewish mother. If I were God, I would choose you for my mother”.”

“When Jesus said those words, I could see his eyes. The words went forth from his lips and then turned and entered his heart. Divine light was filling his young mind. His eyes revealed someone overwhelmed by a truth that his own lips had said. Finally, he said those words that are forever written on my heart. “Nothing is impossible for God. He can become a man and he can choose a mother and he chose you to be his mother.” I said nothing. His own mind was unraveling this mystery. He was seeing much more than I could ever explain. The conversation ended. Jesus withdrew to his room to speak with his Father in secret.”

September 28, 2012

“After that night, our hearts were joined in a truth that we both knew. I had been chosen to be the mother of God. We never spoke directly of who Jesus was. However, all our future conversations took for granted that he was God’s only begotten Son, while being at the same time my son. All the other truths and all the conclusions came forth in a steady stream.”

“All these truths were based upon the answer to the question, “Who is Jesus?” The question cannot be put away. It is central to all of his claims. How can Jesus be the light of the world, the source of eternal life, the way, the truth and the life, unless he is also God’s only begotten Son, equal to the Father, God from God, light from light, true God from true God? I rest my case. I began speaking of the infinite thirst of the human heart and I have led you to the infinite fountain of life-giving waters, my Son, Jesus. Only you can choose to drink from that fountain.

For Meditation:

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

February 27, 2002

Conversation with Divine Love

Jesus comes walking towards me on what appears to be water.

He says:

“Let this image always conjure sentiments of trust in Me.”

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“Today I have come to describe to you how to live in Holy Love. Make yourself very little in My Heart. Forget about yourself. Do not worry about how others regard you, but only concern yourself with pleasing Me in every present moment. So often sins are committed in thought, word and deed out of concern for the opinions of others. Put Me always at the center of your heart so that I am in your every thought, word and deed.”

“Respect the poor. Have compassion for the downhearted. Lead the spiritually impoverished. Your greatest efforts to assist others are made greater through your love and trust in Me. It is only by grace you can accomplish any good. It is only in littleness your love of Me comes to perfection.”

PART TWO

BOOK – BE MY EXTENDED HANDS

“BE MY EXTENDED HANDS”

A Book of Consolation, Joy & Hope

By a soul

Began on Sunday, October 9, 2011

Finished on Sunday, February 5, 2012

Dedication to Our Lord and Our Lady. I love You, My God, and I trust You.

Under the holy patronage of Heaven.

*                              *                              *

September 25, 2011

Our Lady of Medjugorje

Queen of Peace

“Dear children! I call you, for this time to be for all of you, a time of witnessing. You, who live in the love of God and have experienced His gifts, witness them with your words and life that they may be for the joy and encouragement to others in faith. I am with you and incessantly intercede before God for all of you that your faith may always be alive and joyful, and in the love of God. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

*                              *                              *

Sunday, October 9, 2011

To my beloved readers:

I could not sleep tonight.

My mind was filled with many thoughts and voices… It was hard for me to discern whether the thoughts and voices were of heavenly origin or not. But, the one thing that I could distinctly discern was the command that I was given in the end that compelled me to wake up now.

Three times I heard this word said to me:

Testify.

             Testify.

                          Testify.

(Make) The Sign of the Cross.

And so begins this book of my life testimony.

I only pray to God that this is in keeping with His Divine Will and His Divine Plan. God bless you, my beloved readers, in your spiritual journey to Our Most Loving Father.

I love you all very much.

          a soul

*                              *                              *

PROLOGUE

I know that to most of the world the words that I will write in the following pages will seem like the writings of a crazy woman.

The words of a certified mad person that should be discarded as “pure nonsense” and “foolishness.”

But, these pages are not written for the majority of the world today that will not believe—

The majority of the world that lacks belief in their hearts and souls for a Higher Power and divine calling in life.

No, these pages are not intended for them.

Rather, I write them for those who live in the love of God and those who want to love God and know His love more intimately. It is for them that I solely write.

These pages are to be a book of consolation for them (and for me). A book of consolation so that all who love Our Father will have continual faith and sure joyful hope in salvation in Him.

These pages are a book of miracles—a testimony to the supernatural world in which we truly live in and which surrounds us all the time.

The reality of the seen and the unseen worlds that I have lived in for the past nine years.

This is my personal story that I share with you.

It is true. I have lived it.

It is my life.

This is me.

a soul

CHAPTER ONE

2003 was a memorable year for me. It marks the turning point of my life.

2003 is the year that I found My God. I accepted the Catholic religion that I had been baptized in as an infant to be the true faith of God. This irrevocably changed my life forever.

2003 is also the year that I was diagnosed with my chronic illness—schizophrenia. Called by some to be “the cancer of the mind,” this, too, irrevocably changed my life forever.

And so, 2003 marks two great events of my life:

One event that would provide for me great comfort, serenity, and increasing joy over the years; while the other event, would create anxiety, confusion, anguish and so many mixed emotions at times that it is only by learning through true surrender to God that I could cope and ultimately accept the “growing pains” that would be given to me.

If I could, would I change either my faith conversion or my mental illness?

No, I would not.

Because by traversing the Path of Light though the darkness of my soul’s night, I am so much a better and stronger person than I ever could have been without these challenges to my journey in faith.

I thank God every day for who I am and who I will be in Him. He is My Anchor and My Rock. He is My Salvation in all things.

I love You, Lord.

Amen.

CHAPTER TWO

It was early October 2003.

It was nighttime and I was silently weeping myself to sleep. My mother was sleeping in my bed and I was sleeping on the bedroom floor of my graduate school apartment trying not to wake her up.

It was my final semester of law school. I had gone to law school to find The Truth in life. And earlier that year, shortly after Christmas, I had found The Truth in Our Lord, Jesus Christ—which words cannot ever adequately express the gratitude that I have in finding Him.

Yet, coinciding with my new-found and fledgling faith in God and in Catholicism, I also was diagnosed with a very difficult chronic illness, schizophrenia. For, at the same time, that I was discovering Christianity—by “reading myself” into the faith and accepting prayer as a daily practice—I also began to have “unusual” experiences whenever I attempted to be close to God—

It started small at first… And typically, it was whenever I would pray to Our Lord, perhaps, with a prayer-card or a rosary. The image of the prayer-card would “pop” out at me with a demonic caricature of the saint…

Or, during a rosary, my mind would be flooded with graphic images of the Passion that would literally paralyze me as I tried to pray each “Hail Mary.” So much so, that a simple fifteen minute rosary would turn into a two and a half hour prayer event for me filled with overabundant tears.

Many similar and extraordinary things happened to me then. But, because I was alone in my fledgling faith—as I was studying in Syracuse, NY across the country from my family in California—I had no spiritual director to show me what was considered proper prayer to God. And so, I simply thought that it was normal to have such spiritual occurrences as I knew Christianity was the faith of the true supernatural world that exists around us. I also knew that satan would attack new-found believers, so I thought that this was part of the typical faith journey for others.

Well, eventually, all of these events converged to my first hospitalization in July of 2003. After a four day struggle, in which satan used “great fear” to keep me from praying to God, the demonic attacks became so heightened that I lost control of my mind.

I was eventually found in front of a Catholic church so preoccupied in my mental thoughts and private anguish that it was obvious to all others that I was not mentally well. I was then brought in by the authorities for my first hospital stay.

And so, now, it was a few months later, in early October 2003, that my mother was staying with me, to help me finish my last semester of graduate school. And, on this particular night, I was weeping myself to sleep.

You see, I had just finished reading a difficult book on the torments of purgatory. It was difficult me to reconcile such horrible torments with Our Loving God. Purgatory seemed like just another version of hell, full of such terrible tortures that were extracted by demons, that it was hard for me to see Our Lord’s forgiveness and Divine Mercy in such an awful place.

And so, I was silently weeping to myself, thinking about God and trying to find good in what I had just read.

Then, I heard a softly spoken and comforting male voice say in my soul to me:

“Don’t cry. Not everything you read in a book is true.”

And so began, one of the most beautiful and joyful nights of my life.

I received a visitation from Our Lord.

I was not permitted to see Our Lord. But, as I lay physically on my makeshift bed on the floor, my mind and my soul was whisked away to the top of a grassy hill in a place that I did not know if it was purgatory or heaven…

I know that it was a visitation from Our Lord because of joy.

The joy that I experienced in my soul was tremendous. The joy permeated throughout the air as I felt protected and loved by Our Lord. Like a cocoon, I was blanketed in joy, happiness, and love for God.

I sat on the top of the grassy hill so overjoyed to be spending time with My Lord. I wondered to myself if this is what heaven is like, as The Lord conversed with me throughout the night.

I laughed, I smiled and I was so happy. I realized that The Lord had a great sense of humor. It was a great revelation to me that night that Our Father had created my dad with his “cornball” sense of humor, because The Lord enjoys the laughter and delight of His children.

Although almost all of the conversation of that night was taken away by Our Lord, my memory of the joy that night remains.

And as daylight broke and it was time for The Lord to leave, He whispered to me in my soul to not be sad, that He would “remain with me always.”

And then I sensed Him walk away from me in my bedroom, as I returned to my normal state in my soul.

Then, very soon afterwards, an angel of the Lord began to speak to me. The angel began to show me images in my mind and gave me three personal prophecies that I share with you all now:

Firstly, the angel of the Lord reminded me of the promise that Christ gave me during our conversation that night. The promise was that one day—five years in the future—He would give me a very special ring—a ring comprised with one of the known birthstones for my birth month—

I was born on March 22, 1978 on the Wednesday of Holy Week. The two birthstones for March are aquamarine and the bloodstone.

Then secondly, the angel of The Lord showed me quickly various flashing images in my mind of a severe car accident that I would be involved in the future.

In particular, I remember being shown the underbelly of a silver car as it seemed to flip in the air.

Then, thirdly and lastly, I was given a prophecy by the angel of The Lord about my death. I was quickly shown a series of vivid images while the angel narrated a sequence of events that would culminate in my death.

In particular, I remember being shown an angry mob of darkened “black” faces. I remember seeing the outside of a huge white church. And I remember feeling the final moment in my soul as I had the impression of myself looking upward towards heaven before my soul took flight to God.

Then, as soon as these three prophecies were given to me, much of what I was shown and narrated were quickly suppressed in my mind and my soul. I did not really understand any of it or why they were given to me… But, all I knew was that I trusted The Lord and that was all that mattered.

Then, the angel of The Lord left and the demonic attacks soon began afterwards.

I spent much of that Saturday before the Blessed Sacrament as I desired so much to be close to Our Lord. Meanwhile, satan was unrelenting in his mental attacks as I was in deep prayer before Jesus.

But, I could not spend forever before the Blessed Sacrament, and so, after several hours, I left to get something to eat and go home.

Meanwhile, satan continued in his vicious attacks on my mind. So vicious were his attacks, that when I arrived home, my mother could sense immediately that something was wrong.

Then, later on that night, after a series of events and a struggle to try to wrestle a crucifix away from my hands, my mother had to commit her daughter to the hospital as I had lost my mind again.

In the emergency room, the attendants tried to stabilize me as my mind was being attacked by satan and his demons. Every false idea and false theory that I had held previously—ideas which are held so prominently accepted in society like evolution which went against the Christian faith—were being mocked in my mind.

Finally, they calmed me by a shot and I was brought to a private room in the mental ward of the hospital. Then, in the middle of the night, I finally woke up to a shocking image on the opposite wall of my room—

I saw several images of Jesus hanging on the Cross as at the Crucifixion. But then, suddenly, Jesus jumped off the Cross and walked away—

And my mind and my soul screamed “NO” at such an illusion conceived only by the devil.

So began my second hospitalization. My first stay had consisted of a “scare attempt” by satan to “fear me away” from God. An unmasked satan who tried his best to gain the upper-hand of me by boasting in loud obnoxious voices that he would win.

This second stay would involve multiple attempts by the devil trying a different tactic. satan instead pretended that he was God—he masqueraded as Christ in my mind.

This second stay proved very challenging for the doctors. Because as I struggled to regain control of my mind, not knowing who or what to trust anymore, meanwhile, the doctors told my family that I was a “hopeless cause.” That, essentially, I would spend the remainder of my days in a state mental institution.

But, one can never doubt a mother’s love.

Knowing of my earnest desire to receive my First Holy Communion—which I had begged for, ever since my first hospitalization—I finally received Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist in my room of the mental ward given to me by a kindly missionary priest.

Then, despite protests, my mother brought me home to California and nursed me back to health. Through the power of love and hope in God, my mother calmed me through many sleepless nights and demonic nightmares that plagued me daily for almost a year. I began catechism classes that resulted in my Confirmation the following year. I also finished my last semester of graduate school by correspondence.

And I continued to believe and pray to God as I learned to take each day at a time.

Although I struggled to maintain my faith journey, I pressed onward. The heavenly messages from various messengers and prophets of God that I read became my lifeline and gave me much hope. They encouraged me in the faith that God loves us and intimately cares about our lives.

The heavenly messages validated for me the presence of God and heaven and so much of the reality of the Catholic faith.

Meantime, it was very natural for me to accept the reality of the supernatural world. I took readily to the idea of invisible angels being all around us and I loved to pray in union with our guardian angels to The Lord for the salvation of all people.

God was so very good and gentle to me. Although I really did not know how to pray properly, He showed me step-by-step, through heavenly thoughts and other signs how to talk to Him.

For example, I knew that people pray to saints in heaven for their intercessory help on earth. So, I started with the saints.

I began to pray to one saint and then another and then another. At first, I did not know if it was proper to do so—if people could pray to multiple saints.

But, I fell in love with so many saints and their holy lives lived in love of Our Lord, I took a “chance” that I could pray to multiple saints at once for help. I reasoned that since I was praying for the salvation of the world—that this was such a big and important intention, I needed as many saints on my side for help with this. The saints in heaven became my “prayer group.”

And I began to ask various saints to be my patrons in life.

In particular, I remember one night where I asked St. Christopher, the patron saint for travelers, to be my spiritual father.

By then, I had started working part-time again and was driving my old college car. And since I tended to be a “nervous driver,” I would pray in particular to St. Christopher to watch over me each time I drove my car. And each time I arrived finally at my destination, I would gratefully thank him for obtaining the grace of protection for me while I was in my car.

So, through this daily and frequent connection with St. Christopher, I developed a great fondness for this saint. He became not just a friend but a real father figure for me, as I felt in my heart that he really cared for my personal welfare.

So, one night, in heartfelt, deep, and tearful prayer, I asked St. Christopher if he would honor me to travel with me on the ultimate journey of my life—

I asked St. Christopher that when I finally die, if he would escort me to meet Jesus for the first time. And through much tears and love felt in my heart, I knew that he said ‘yes’ and would be honored to do so.

Meanwhile, Jesus impressed upon me love for the poor souls in purgatory. I learned to not only pray for the poor souls, but to also pray in union with them, for the spiritual welfare of their families still living on earth.

I learned increasingly about the importance of Mass and how powerful it is to pray in union with the Christian Church through this thanksgiving to God. I began to focus more and more of my attention to intercessory prayer during Mass—invoking all angels and all saints during this special time for the deliverance of poor souls in purgatory, for defense of the dying and the unborn, and for the fulfillment of Our Blessed Mother’s intentions.

I learned so much by discerning the heavenly promptings that were sent to me.

One of the most important concepts was of praying unceasingly before Our Lord.

It was stressed to me the importance of daily dedication prayers in the morning and nightly examinations of conscience before one retires. But, it was stressed even more importantly to have a “prayer posture” throughout the day, by coming frequently before The Lord in short, ardent prayers from the heart and from our lips.

Short phrases such as “I love You, Lord,” “Lamb of God, have mercy on us all,” and “God help us and save us,” became frequent offerings.

I also learned through my heavenly promptings to frequently pray for the virtues of hope, faith, and love, for myself and others throughout the day.

And through these often experiences—by learning how to discern a heavenly thought from a demonic one—I gained confidence in my faith and love of God, while the demonic voices and nightmares slowly abated away.

This is an experience that I continue to learn today. To always test my inspirations against God’s Divine Word and Divine Truth for the kernel of true wisdom that only comes from God’s Goodness and Love for us all.

Because this the devil cannot fake. God’s Love for all His children.

CHAPTER THREE

In 2006, I began full-time employment at a private university. Due to the uniqueness of the position, it was a swing shift and so, I would begin work midday and would get off work at 9 o’clock each night during a regular work week.

The position offered me a lot of time to myself. I was fine working by myself as I typically listened to Christian music to occupy the quiet time.

However, because I spent most of my time by myself, sometimes being alone in the building at night, I began a practice that gave me great comfort—especially as I walked to my car after work.

I began holding the hand of my guardian angel. I reasoned that my guardian angel was with me anyways all the time. So, even though I could not see him, I asked my guardian angel to hold my hand as I walked down hallways and to my car.

And this practice gave me so much joy, to simply know that I was constantly protected and loved by God. Sometimes, I would even hold my arm so as my angel could truly and really hold my hand as I walked about.

I also began to thank regularly my guardian angel for being my “best friend.” Because he had been assigned to me before birth and has always been with me, protecting and guiding me and praying for me, even in the times that I was furthest from God. I was (and am) truly grateful for his loving support.

Meanwhile, because I had a longer commute to work, I would spend so much of my time in prayer and in song with God during my car ride.

It became my special and so treasured encounter with Our Lord twice daily. Oh, how I loved my regular commute time!

On Tuesday, January 8, 2008, I was driving to the university and I was praying as I often do. This time, though, my prayers to God were especially heartfelt, as I was praying for the salvation of the world.

I cried, as I sometimes do, because my heart was moved by the amount of love I felt for humanity. I was moved by love to a steady stream of overabundant tears.

I thought about everyone I knew—my family, my friends, everyone who had been placed in my life in some way or another, and it really affected me, thinking about the salvation of their souls.

As I thought about everyone that I knew, I started to really think about everyone—all of humanity who was living on earth. And with tears freely falling down my face, I had this incredible thought of loving every soul in my heart on earth all at once.

Then, I got this momentary fear—just for an instance—because I thought to myself, oh, no, God is going to put all His Love for every single person on earth—and there are 6.6 billion people living today—in my little heart and my little heart is going to explode so much with love, I will instantly die.

But then, despite the momentary fear, I prayed anyways, for everyone on earth. Then, I heard very distinctly and clearly in my soul, a verse from the Bible:

“Perfect love casts out fear.”

Then, with this heavenly reminder, I knew in my heart, that I did not love perfectly yet, because I would not have had that momentary fear for dying. This made me smile, because I realized once again that I am not a perfect human being. But, how I hoped—in the end—to have the “perfect love” so tenderly felt in the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus for each of us.

Later on the same night, I was saying my bedtime prayers to God and I felt particularly inspired by the Holy Spirit to pray in this way—

I asked God, with tears running down my face and yes, even a running nose, to “give me that.” I told God in my heartfelt prayers, that I wanted to have perfect love.

I said to Our Lord:

“I want to have Your love in my heart and I do not want to be afraid anymore.”

Then, extending my two hands in front of me, I said to God:

“Jesus, even though I do not see You, I know that You are holding my hands. I know that You love me and I love You. And I want You to lead me where you want me to go. I want to only do Your Will, not mine. I want Your perfect love in my heart.”

Then, I told Jesus:

“Jesus, I know that in heaven, the souls are called saints. I want to be a saint. I have no ambition to be a great saint—I just want to be the saint that You call me to be. I want to love You and be perfected by You.”

Then, in my prayers, I became “slain in the Holy Spirit,” as God revealed some things to me. It was revealed to me that I still had fears in my heart:

Fear of pain and suffering. Fear of embracing the Cross here in earth. Fear of death.

As these fears were shown to me, I kept repeating to myself, “perfect love casts out all fear.” I understood then, that even though I love, I had not yet learned how to love perfectly. But, I knew that Jesus would be with me every step of the way, holding my hand.

That someday, He would perfect me as I asked—so that, I would no longer have my heart, but His Most Sacred Heart in mine.

The next morning, I was still reflecting upon my prayers from yesterday and the previous night. Although I did not attend Mass, I decided to read the Mass readings for the day for some inspiration. The first reading was the following:

***

1 John 4:11-18

“Beloved, if God so loved us,

we also must love one another.

No one has ever seen God.

Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us,

and his love is brought to perfection in us.

This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us,

that he has given us of his Spirit.

Moreover, we have seen and testify

that the Father sent his Son as savior of the world.

Whoever acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God,

God remains in him and he in God.

We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us.

God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.

In this is love brought to perfection among us,

that we have confidence on the day of judgment

because as he is, so are we in this world.

There is no fear in love,

but perfect love drives out fear

because fear has to do with punishment,

and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.”

***

From this reading, I understood, and it was confirmed for me, that even though I did not see God, He is always with me—as I knew with certainty that He was with me when I put out my hands in front of me in prayer the prior night.

I then thanked Our Lord for further illustrating the importance of striving for the “perfect love casts out fear,” in our hearts throughout our faith journey, as well as revealing the Scripture passage from where this phrase came from—something that I did not know in advance.

And ever since that night, striving towards “perfect love” has been my constant spiritual goal in God.

CHAPTER FOUR

Shortly after my consecration prayers to Jesus for “perfect love,” I started to experience odd and strange things for a week and a half period.

It began first with the thoughts that I was having in my mind. I would think a thought and then, moments later, it would be voiced out-loud—echoed—by someone else in my company. This went on for several days.

Then, I noticed for a few days, that demons were using people as a “mouthpiece” to attack me verbally. Not only would this occur with my family members, but also, my friends and coworkers.

One day, I arrived to my desk and began my work by reciting the protection prayer to St. Michael, the Archangel and Leader of the Host of Heavenly Angels.

Well, right when I began the silent prayer to myself, the lights in our workroom went out. Since our workroom had no windows, this immediately plunged the room into total darkness.

My two coworkers and I were rescued from the dark by another coworker who opened the door so we could see. Then, we all filed into the front offices that had windows. It was then that we learned that half the city was without lights.

The lights eventually were restored, but then for the next few days, the workroom that I shared with two coworkers began having a “heating problem.” For almost a week, the room itself felt very stuffy—bordering on being “steaming hot”—making us all sweat in the middle of January.

Then, the Thursday evening of the same “odd” week and a half, my father, who has Parkinson’s Disease, had to be admitted to the hospital for seizures and severe pain.

This week and a half was not a good time for me.

From these and other occurrences, it seemed like I was witnessing in a heightened way the amount of seductive and hypnotic control that the devil can exert over people and manipulative power he has over things.

I did not like it one bit.

Meanwhile, I decided to go to Confession that Saturday as I felt inspired by the Holy Spirit to do an extra special heartfelt confession. I just felt that I needed to confess, in a more particular way, some prior mortal sins that I had already confessed previously.

So, I went to Confession that afternoon, then visited my father in the hospital.

Afterwards, I came home and decided to pray to Our Lord for a few hours. I began with singing some Christian songs to Our Lord—praying in union with our heavenly family—towards the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus.

God was very good to me. As I prayed for the salvation of all souls and the intentions of Our Blessed Mother, I felt that the prayers were being heard and answered by Him. I had great peace and love in my soul at the time.

Then, although I find it challenging for me, I decided to pray the Most Holy Rosary of Our Lady before bedtime. It was then that reality began to change for me.

As I was praying the third mystery, I started to get attacked by demonic voices in my soul. I did finish the rosary although it was difficult for me to do so. I then asked for protection from God and St. Michael, before I retired to bed.

Then things got worse.

I turned off the lights and was trying to fall asleep when, all of a sudden, I was approached by satan. he was invisible to me, but he spoke to me very distinctly and plainly, saying that he was there by “command of God” to tempt me to sin, but that he knew that my prayers and faith were so great, that he would be unsuccessful.

satan tried to “befriend” me by making me feel “sorry” for him. And being naïve about such tactics, I did something that I should not have done—I engaged him in conversation.

And very soon, by opening myself up to this invitation, I began to loose control to my mind again.

By morning time, I went to Sunday Mass for what I thought would be my last Mass on earth. satan had convinced me, by that point, that the antichrist was taking up reign in Jerusalem and that it was my duty to stop him. satan was playing on my love for God that I would do anything to prevent such evil from taking place.

After a most tearful and heartfelt Holy Communion, I left my church not knowing if I would have Holy Eucharist again. It made me so emotionally distraught.

Then I got into my car and the real nightmare began. Having no clear direction on how to get to Jerusalem, I began driving aimlessly trusting in the Lord that somehow I would make it there.

satan continued his attacks while I drove. The Christian radio station began sounding like a static mess with very poor reception. The interior of my car became very hot which caused all the windows of my car to fog up. So, I could barely see out.

satan kept talking and taunting me, trying to get me to hit people on the various streets the car went. he would flash vivid images of hell in my mind and at several points, I did not control the steering wheel of the car.

In fact, during much of the drive, I did not have control of my physical body. Although I knew that the Holy Spirit resided in my soul and that I was in a state of grace, my physical body was under the domain of the devil as he caused me to do weird and strange movements with my head and body.

Then, somehow, my car went on the freeway system. Because I did not have full control of the car and the windows were fogged up, it became a difficult challenge to drive the car.

My car went by at an erratic pace, on many freeway transitions and through long tunnels. I did not know where I was, as satan taunted me saying that the car was going to crash into a wall and I would end up a quadriplegic.

Then, my car began traveling at a high rate of speed onto a section of the freeway that became a street. It was a freeway ending.

satan then told me that I was going to fall into the pit of hell as he flashed an image of its fiery abyss across my mind. Then a second later, the fog cleared on the windows and I found my car speeding up—almost on top of a car right in front of me, at seventy-plus miles an hour.

And in a split-second decision, I said “NO” that I will not harm the person in front of me and knowing that I could not break in time, I swerved the steering wheel towards the center divider of the freeway.

But instead of smashing, due to the high rate of speed, my car took flight into the air when it hit the center divider.

Then, I landed on the other side of the freeway, heading in the opposite direction towards oncoming traffic.

In the landing, my car lost the front driver’s wheel, so the car now only had three wheels to brake on. And in front of me, were three oncoming cars—the first car having two passengers—one of them being the driver whom my car was angled to hit directly head-on in a T-bone crash.

And in another split-second decision, I said “NO” that I will not kill this person, and I swerved the steering wheel hard again, with the left-hand side of my car slightly flicking off the front driver’s side of the other car.

Then, I began braking at seventy-plus miles an hour down the shoulder lane of the opposite side of the freeway ending.

And as I broke on three wheels, the underbelly of my silver car scrapping along the freeway, I prayed to God, over and over again, “Lamb of God, Who takes away the sins of the world, have Mercy on us all…”

The scrapping metal made a horrible sound, as the wind blew hard against the car, as it came to a braking stop. By the grace of God, the car did not catch fire and the airbags deployed around me, saving my life.

Miraculously, the interior of my car remained fully intact, as well as the engine untouched. Later, I discovered that the only physical injury that I had was a small bruise on my chest due to the seat-belt.

Meanwhile, despite the accident, I got out of my car and looking back at the great distance between myself and the three stopped cars that I had been involved in, I said a sincere prayer to God, “Lord, please help them,” knowing that I could not, as I was still determined to make my way to Jerusalem. It was my singular intent.

Then, satan seeing that I was still committed to finding a way to Jerusalem, resumed his mental attacks on me.

I began to walk while satan tried to convince me that I had “died” in the car accident and that now I was somehow immune to death.

As I walked, satan told me about all the kinds of deaths that I would have to endure, in order to prove “the perfect love that casts out all fear.” Essentially, he was tempting me to commit suicide in any way he could.

Eventually, I made my way, five miles distance, to a construction site that ran along the busy freeway to the airport. And it was along this stretch of a dusty and gravel-like road, I began to image in my mind Christ walking the road to Calvary.

It was on this long dusty stretch of road, satan then began to aggressively tempt me anew. There was one temptation, in particular, where satan tempted me with turning stone into bread, challenging the Power of God to provide for His children.

And I told satan that The Lord Is So Great that He could turn mere stones into The Holy Eucharist, how great His power Is. I then swallowed a stone, but God in His Mercy, then miraculously made me throw it up before it hit my stomach, as He knew that I would die from this action of mine.

And so, shortly after being tempted in such a manner, I was finally found by the public authorities due to people reporting me walking besides the freeway.

My third hospital stay had now begun.

CHAPTER FIVE

Since my conversion in 2003, I have been a firm believer in the appearances of Our Lady at Medjugorje (medjugorje.com), which have been occurring daily since 1981. In fact, the knowledge of Medjugorje is one of the greatest graces of my life. For, it was the proof that I needed to know that God tenderly loves us and is intimately involved in our lives.

Medjugorje brought me to God.

And so, on March 18, 2008, Mirjana Soldo, one of the six visionaries of Medjugorje, had her annual apparition of Our Blessed Mother. Here is the message:

***

Mirjana’s Annual Apparition

March 18, 2008

Our Lady Queen of Peace of Medjugorje

Our Lady appeared to Mirjana on March 18, 2008 for her annual apparition. Our Lady appeared to Mirjana at 2:01 p.m. The apparition lasted 7 minutes. Mirjana relayed the following:

I have never seen Our Lady address us in this manner. She extended Her hands towards us and with Her hands extended in this way, She said:

“Dear children, today I extend my hands towards you. Do not be afraid to accept them. They desire to give you love and peace and to help you in salvation. Therefore, my children, receive them. Fill my heart with joy and I will lead you towards holiness. The way on which I lead you is difficult and full of temptations and falls. I will be with you and my hands will hold you. Be persevering so that, at the end of the way, we can all together, in joy and love, hold the hands of my Son. Come with me; fear not. Thank you.”

***

This message from Our Blessed Mother was a particularly powerful one for me.

The message made me immediately recall my recent dedication on January 8, 2008 to Our Lord in which I had held out my two hands and asked to have the “perfect love that casts out all fear” as He promised to give to us in His Holy Scripture.

The message also seemed to be an invitation from Our Blessed Mother from God to me. It just seemed that Our Blessed Mother was inviting me to hold Her Hand as I often held the hand of my guardian angel at night after work. So, I made a decision to invite Our Blessed Mother into my life in this way.

So, during my nightly prayers, I asked the Blessed Mother to hold my hand every day and, in particular, to hold my hand while I slept at night. I also told Our Blessed Mother that as an act of faith, because I trusted that She would be honoring my request, I would hold out my right arm in an extended way each night while I slept. That way, the Blessed Mother could hold my right hand every night.

This little act of mine gave me great comfort. Although it was at first uncomfortable, I loved knowing that the Blessed Mother was watching over me while I slept. And every morning, my arm would be in the same extended manner that I had placed myself the night before.

It was a mini-miracle.

Meanwhile, some grave messages were being given through The Apostolate of the Green Scapular (greenscapular.org).

Jesus and the Blessed Mother were saying through the visionary, Anna Marie, that a serious attack was being planned in the next few months against the United States and Israel. And since I knew through discernment that Anna Marie is a true and authentic visionary, these messages were particularly concerning to me.

On April 23, 2008, Jesus made a special request to help mitigate the tragic events through the Apostolate. Part of the message is the following:

***

“First I ask 100 souls to be committed to attending daily Mass for the repentance of sinners in your country. I then ask for 500 souls who would commit to the daily recitation of the Holy Rosary and 1000 souls who will commit to the recitation of the Divine Mercy Chaplet…”

***

So, knowing how difficult it was for me to attend daily Mass (as I was now relying on public transportation—having returned to full-time employment) and to pray daily the Most Holy Rosary, I decided that I could at least commit myself to a daily recitation of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, as given to St. Faustina from Jesus during the 1930s.

This was the very minimum that I felt that I could do.

Then, on May 2, 2008, the following message was given by Our Blessed Mother at Medjugorje (medjugorje.com) to the world:

***

May 2, 2008 Message to Mirjana

The Day of Non-Believers

Our Lady Queen of Peace of Medjugorje

At 7:45 a.m., silence was requested to begin the Rosary with the thousands of pilgrims who were present for the apparition. Mirjana arrived at 8:55 a.m. She was noticeably moved, wiping her eyes a number of times. The apparition started at 9:07 a.m. and lasted 5 minutes. Mirjana spoke with Our Lady, with her hands folded all the time. Mirjana said that she could not say if Our Lady was sad or happy. The following is the message Our Lady gave to Mirjana:

“Dear children! By God’s will I am here with you in this place. I desire for you to open your hearts to me and to accept me as a mother. With my love I will teach you simplicity of life and richness of mercy and I will lead you to my Son. The way to Him can be difficult and painful but do not be afraid, I will be with you. My hands will hold you to the very end, to the eternal joy; therefore do not be afraid to open yourselves to me. Thank you.”

“Pray for priests. My Son gave them to you as a gift.”

***

Upon reading this message at Medjugorje, I just felt that I was on the right path. It confirmed again for me that my earlier request was being honored by Our Blessed Mother and God—that, truly, Our Blessed Mother was holding my right hand and always would be there for me, despite whatever temptations came my way.

Meanwhile, something very beautiful happened to me during this time period, which is written in the next chapter…

CHAPTER SIX

My dear friend, Nikki, was a sweet girl full of laughter and a good spirit. We met each other during college while we both worked at the same place. She was a Christian and inspired me during a time period when I was not a Christian. I knew her for more than ten years, before she passed away from cancer at the age of 32 in 2007.

Now, as a bit of context for this story, my friend, Nikki, was a great professional dancer at one time. And one of my fondest memories was of my friend dancing impromptu to the song, “What A Feeling” from the movie, Flashdance.

So, from that moment, I always associated my friend, Nikki, with that particular secular song. And when I found out that my friend had cancer, since she lived a great distance away from me in another state, I asked God in prayer to let me know through that song that she had made it to heaven—as a sign of some sorts.

I asked this request of God because my friend, Nikki, was a protestant Christian (Lutheran), and so, believing in God’s Divine Mercy and His holy desire to save all souls, I just wanted a confirmation that she was alright.

Well, God never did answer that prayer. Instead, He gave me a greater gift—one that I never could have imagined. A greater gift that has given me much joy.

One of my favorite songs ever, is the song called, “I Can Only Imagine,” by MercyMe. This Christian song is very beautiful to me, as it speaks about the first time of meeting Jesus when we pass on.  And many times and in many ways, Jesus has used this song to “speak” to me about things, as He often does in the “coincidences” in my life.

And so, after my friend, Nikki, passed away, I went to her memorial service with my mom. Well, right before the official service began, as my mom and I were settling into the pews, the first song I heard play was “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe.

It was then, at that moment, I just knew in my heart, that my friend, Nikki, was with The Lord and safe in His Arms. Because, rather than use a secular song that I always associated with my friend, The Lord “spoke” to me in an even better way, by using my favorite song that was not even on the program for her funeral.

So, now, I knew with certainty that my friend, Nikki, was with The Lord. Yet, even though she suffered much in her cancer at the end, I also knew that likely her suffering was not enough to gain her entry into heaven right away…

And since I was Nikki’s only Catholic friend, and also, likely, the only one who would pray for the peace of her soul after she passed away, I went into “spiritual over-drive,” sorta speak, as I was determined that my friend enter heaven as soon as possible.

So, from that moment on, I began to pray much for the repose of my friend’s soul. That Nikki would have peace in purgatory in whatever level she was in.

And since I listen often to the Christian music station, every time that I heard the song, “I Can Only Imagine,” play on the radio, I would stop whatever I was doing at that moment and pray particularly for Nikki’s soul for the 3 minutes or so the song was on.

And as I prayed, I would imagine in my mind, my friend, Nikki, in purgatory, hearing me sing that song to her, to give her soul peace in The Lord. As I knew from the spiritual reading that I often read, every time that we pray for a soul in purgatory, that particular soul is always aware of it and hears us in our prayers.

So, for one full year I did this. I would sing often to my friend, Nikki, in purgatory, and would pray very much for her as often as I could. And through prayer and song, I felt very close to her spirit, as I knew that she was praying for me and my family on earth.

Truly then, through prayer, it kept our mutual love for each other alive in my heart as I felt a strong loving connection to my friend’s dearly departed soul.

Then, in May of 2008, I had saved up enough money for a set of 30 Gregorian Latin Masses to be said for the repose of the soul of my friend, Nikki. As I understood—by tradition—that after a set of 30 Gregorian Latin Masses are completed on earth, the particular soul that is prayed for, is released from purgatory into heaven, because these certain Masses are so honored and powerful before God.

Now, since I had arranged the Gregorian Latin Masses through missionary priests, I did not know the exact date when the set of Latin Masses were to be concluded. So, I just placed my hope and trust in The Lord that He would honor these Masses by releasing my friend from purgatory soon. But, Jesus decided to give me an even greater grace—another gift that I did not expect at all.

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon in June 2008. I was trying to take a nap when suddenly I got an inspirational thought from my guardian angel.

Now, as a bit of context to the story, ever since I embraced the Catholic faith nine years ago, at every Mass I attend, I would always ask God to release a poor soul from purgatory into heaven.

And I would always ask Jesus to release this poor soul at the moment that I partake in Holy Communion. In fact, I made it a private devotion, to pray in unity with the Blessed Mother and all the angels and saints at Mass for this particular special intention. However, up until this time, I had always left it up to God to choose the particular poor soul, as I always figured that He would choose the “right” special soul to enter heaven.

So, I simply trusted in The Lord.

Well, on that particular Sunday afternoon, I had the inspiration to ask for my friend, Nikki, to be released from purgatory. So, I decided to go to Mass the next morning for my friend.

So, the following day, Monday, June 23, 2008, I went to morning Mass.

During the Mass, I prayed very much for my friend, Nikki. And, in particular, at the moment of the Consecration of The Holy Eucharist, I could not help but imagine my friend, Nikki, kneeling besides me in the pew, adoring Our Lord, in her final moments in purgatory.

Now, as it was time to walk down the aisle to take Holy Communion, I began to pray with the Blessed Mother and all the holy angels and saints for the deliverance of my friend, Nikki, into heaven.

And while I walked down the aisle, I did something a bit unusual during that Mass. Typically, as I approach the priest, I would cup my hands in prayer, but I decided this time, to stick my hand out in the aisle while walking—

Because, like I did so often with my guardian angel, this time, I wanted to hold my friend’s hand while I escorted her to Jesus in heaven.

Now, almost right before I partook in Holy Communion, satan tried to “kill my joy,” because he spat on me some “spiritual spit” on my soul. But, that was the only thing satan could do, to show his displeasure, as I was not going to let go of the hand of my friend.

Then, right before I partook in Holy Communion, I said in my soul to my friend, Nikki, “here you go, I love you,” as I squeezed her hand before letting her go into the embrace of Jesus. My friend, Nikki, had finally obtained her heavenly glory.

Now, later on the same day, I was at work and I was listening to some of my Christian music CDs. Then, tiring of the CDs, I decided to switch to the Christian music station for a change of pace.

And as I “turned on the dial” to the music station, I had a lovely thought. It was this: would it not be great if I heard the song, “I Can Only Imagine,” at that moment for my friend?

But, when I switched on the radio, it was a different Christian song playing, so I left for a quick restroom break.

And so, after I was done, I went back to the workroom where my desk was located… It was then that something beautiful happened…

As I opened the door, on the radio, I could hear the song, “I Can Only Imagine,” playing in the background.

And when I heard the familiar melody, it made me break down in loving tears. God had provided me with the “sign” that I needed, to truly know that my friend, Nikki, was in heaven now.

And I praised Our Lord with tears of joy.

Thank you, My Lord and My Love.

CHAPTER SEVEN

So, I was very joyous over the deliverance of my friend from purgatory into heaven. It warmed my heart to truly know that she was with God.

Meanwhile, also during this time, the Holy Spirit placed it upon my heart to make a “good and meaningful confession.”

So, during the months of late May / early June 2008, I saw my parish priest for three face-to-face confessions. Up until then, I had always done confession behind the veiled booth. However, I really desired to make a longer, more “complete” confession for prior mortal sins that I had committed, and to seek further spiritual guidance.

My parish priest is a good man. Relatively new to my church, he did something for me that I greatly appreciated. He prayed over me in a special and particular way, for deliverance over any spiritual bondage that I may have had and against any demons that may have attached themselves to me through my mortal sins.

And from these three face-to-face confessions, I finally felt “free” from past worry, guilt and shame over my previous “scandalous life.” I had deep peace in my soul knowing that all my prior mortal sins were finally confessed openly before God.

And from that moment onward, I began to seek face-to-face confession on a more regular basis.

So, this time of my life was quite “busy” spiritually for me.

My dear friend had been released from purgatory, I was praying to the Blessed Mother to hold my right hand every night as She had offered to us in the Medjugorje March 18, 2008 message, and I was freeing myself from all prior spiritual bondage that I had from my past.

It was a spiritually liberating and a spiritually exciting time for me, as I sought to advance myself in my faith life.

Then, an important heavenly message came from the Apostolate of the Green Scapular (greenscapular.org). A heavenly message that weighed heavily on my soul. Here is an excerpt of the heavenly message:

***

MESSAGE FROM MOTHER MARY

APOSTOLATE OF THE GREEN SCAPULAR

PRAY FOR SOULS WHO HATE AND

WANT TO HURT CHRISTIANS & U.S.

TUESDAY, JULY 8, 2008 AT 1:03 A.M.

Anna Marie: My Lady may I ask please, will you bow down and worship Jesus Christ your only begotten Son who suffered and died on the cross for my sins and the sins of the entire world?

Mother Mary: Yes my dear one. I your heavenly Mother Mary will always bow down before my beloved Son Jesus who did die on the cross for your sins and for all sinners throughout all generations and all times.

Anna Marie: Mother dear, please speak for I your sinful servant am listening.

Mother Mary: Little one, soon a tragic event will strike your nation which will be perpetuated by those who do not know my Son Jesus. They cannot understand nor will they accept my Sons life, death and resurrection. It is these souls that bring great pain and sorrow to my Sons sacred and loving heart. Will you pray for those who hate others? They refuse to find the mercy God our Father has promised all mankind through His greatest gift of all: the life and death of His beloved Son, Jesus.

Anna Marie: Yes Mother, I will pray and all Apostles will pray too. My Lady, will this tragic event hurt many?

Mother Mary: Little one, it has the potential of killing thousands!

Anna Marie: My Lady, please stop this event! My Lady please tell me what to do to stop this attack on the land of my birth, my beloved country which God has so generously blessed! Please my Lady, tell me what you require from all Apostles of the Green Scapular network of prayer?

Mother Mary: Little one, my Son asked for 100 souls to attend daily Mass, this request has not been fulfilled. My Son asked for 500 Rosaries to be said daily, but this request has not been fulfilled. And lastly, my Son has asked for 1000 Chaplets of Mercy to be said daily, but this too has not been fulfilled.

Anna Marie: Oh my Lady, what am I to do, I am the lowliest of all your children. You know Mother, you know I can’t achieve anything without your help. My Lady, please ask Father for more time. If others read or hear of Jesus’ request, maybe they will begin praying too, and attending Mass daily. Oh my Lady, please forgive me.

Mother Mary: My daughter, I will speak with our Heavenly Father as to your request. Ask all Apostles to do the same. Petition their Guardian Angels to plead with the Father to delay his just punishments by allowing others to complete their destructive plots against your nation. Our Heavenly, Merciful Father will receive all petitions sent to Him, since He is all Knowing and all Loving Almighty God.

Anna Marie: Yes my Lady, thank you My Lady, thank you Mother…

***

And so, on the same day that the heavenly message was given to Anna Marie through the Apostolate for the Green Scapular, the Holy Spirit placed it upon my heart to read that message on their website and become very concerned for what might happen very soon.

In particular, because I had committed myself to doing a Divine Mercy Chaplet every day, as a minimum, in keeping with the earlier request of Jesus, to prevent what was to happen in the near future. And, unfortunately, I was failing very much at this endeavor.

From this heavenly message, I realized that I was not doing enough. So, despite the difficulty, I told The Lord in heartfelt prayer, that I would try to attend daily Mass and say a daily Most Holy Rosary, in addition to whatever spiritual suffering I might be able to offer, to prevent this tragic event.

So, for the next several days, I tried to get the word out about this heavenly message. I wrote about it to some internet prayer groups that I had recently joined and some Catholic news websites, to see if others would join this noble prayer effort. But, no one seemed interested enough to pray to prevent whatever was to happen on the horizon.

This made me choked up with tears frequently, as this heavenly message continued to weigh so heavily on my soul.

Meanwhile, I knew that God had accepted my offer of spiritual suffering, because my bedroom became haunted. Truly haunted.

For the subsequent nights, unbeknownst to my family, my bedroom became infested with demons. They bounced and pounded on my mattress, making it difficult to sleep. I was clawed and mocked at by invisible fiends.

And I will vividly remember, at one point, an invisible demon coming very close to my face, as he shrieked, “I passionately hate you.”

And when sleep did finally overcome me, it was nightmarish.

This bedroom haunting persisted, as I tried my best to pray as often as I could, throughout the day, to mitigate this impending tragedy for my country.

Then, on Saturday afternoon, July 12, 2008, I went to face-to-face confession with my parish priest.

While confessing with him, I brought up the recent heavenly messages from the Apostolate of the Green Scapular. I told him about the “serious request” from Our Lord, Jesus, for daily Mass attendance, daily Rosaries, and daily Divine Mercy Chaplets, to mitigate a terrible tragedy on the horizon. A tragedy that would kill thousands.

But, in response, my parish priest questioned why Our Lord would request a specific number of Masses, Rosaries, and Chaplets, as he doubted the authenticity of the heavenly messages. And I could only respond with the example of Sodom and Gomorrah being spared due to ten righteous men being found in the city.

But, unfortunately, I was not able to convince my parish priest of the need to organize a prayer effort at our church. So, I left in a dejected state, so concerned about what might be happening soon.

Then, later on that night, something very beautiful and glorious happened to me, which I will explain more fully in the next chapter.

CHAPTER EIGHT

It was the eve of Sunday, July 13, 2008.

I was praying very much before the Blessed Sacrament for mitigation of the possible tragedy that was soon to happen. The Blessed Sacrament was before me at home, on my computer, as I was keeping Jesus company through an internet website that I sometimes visited to do a Holy Hour.

However, it was past midnight now, and one of my dogs, my Pomeranian, had approached me as she wanted to go to bed. So, I gave a “kiss” to Jesus on the monitor and turned off the computer, going to my bedroom with my little dog closely following behind me.

Then, something “odd” happened.

I was in the center of my bedroom waiting for my little dog, when my Pomeranian stopped at the threshold of my door. Instead of coming to me on my command, she had a fascinated look on her face, as if she was seeing something special that I could not see.

Then, as if she was dismissed by an unseen person, my little dog trotted off to my parents’ bedroom—her behavior being very unusual and making me wonder a bit at the time as to what she was looking at.

Meanwhile, I got ready for sleep, and in the process of getting ready to retire, I sensed an approach by an unseen person. I knew that it was another being besides me as I heard the person speak clearly and distinctly to my soul.

This invisible person reminded me of a thought I had in my mind but one that I did not voice out-loud during my earlier Confession with my parish priest. It was then, that I understood that this person was an angel of The Lord, as satan is not present in the confessional booth and cannot read private thoughts such as the one I had had earlier.

After the angel spoke to me, revealing his invisible presence, I did not think too much as to why he was there. But, I thanked The Lord in my nightly prayers for sending me an angel.

And even though I sensed the angel’s continuing presence in my bedroom, I turned off the bedroom lights and settled into bed, as I thought to myself that perhaps tonight, I would get a good night’s sleep—quite a difference from the previous nights of my bedroom being haunted…

Then, something glorious happened—

I received my second visitation from The Lord!

As I lay on my bed about to close my eyes to sleep, both my right and left hands flung up in the air, as I felt two invisible hands seemingly grasp my own hands, as if in a dual handshake.

I was not shaken by this. Rather, I first looked to my standing right hand, which I was then made to realize, through heavenly insight, that the Blessed Mother was truly holding my right hand at that very moment.

The Blessed Mother did not speak to me, but I understood with perfect crystal-clear clarity, that She, The Queen of Heaven and of All Good Hearts, was holding truly my right hand.

Then, I turned to look at my standing left hand.

And I understood then with perfect crystal-clear clarity that Our Lord, Jesus Christ, was The One Who was holding my left hand.

I did not see Jesus. No, I was not given the grace of a vision. But, rather, I was given the grace of heavenly understanding that both Our Lady and Our Lord were with me at that moment, holding both my hands in Theirs. I had the sensation of touching Their Hands.

Then, I had the sensation of something being slipped onto the finger of my left hand. The sensation of a Ring being slipped on.

Then, immediately, after this took place, The Lord opened my mind again—just a bit—to the three personal prophecies that were given to me earlier—almost five years ago in October 2003.

I recalled, in particular, the prophecy about my severe car accident, which did, in fact, happen to me earlier that year in January 2008.

Then, I recalled the promise of The Ring from my first visitation by The Lord. How the angel of The Lord had prophesied to me that it would take place five years in the future.

And as I recalled this personal prophecy made so long ago to me, Jesus then opened my mind further. Jesus revealed that The Ring that He had just slipped onto my left hand finger, was comprised of a Droplet of His Most Precious Blood from the Crucifixion. It was the “bloodstone”—one of the birthstones for my birthday month of March.

Then, Jesus revealed to me that on the day that He brings me to heaven, I would finally be able to see The Ring, which represents redemption from all my sins, which would then “shatter” in my sight.

After Jesus revealed this to me, I then sensed the presence of another heavenly being in my bedroom, standing off to the right-hand side of my bed.

The heavenly being was not an angel, as intuitively, I sensed this person as a human being—a heavenly good soul. The person began to speak clearly to me in my soul and, although the voice was neutral, I had the impression that it was a man and not a woman.

The invisible person told me that one day in heaven, Jesus had approached him and asked him if he would watch over me on earth. That Jesus had a “special mission” for me. The person then said that he had responded to Jesus with a “yes,” that he would be “honored to do so” for The Lord.

Then, The Lord gave me a promise in my heart that one day in the future, He would reveal to me the identity of this heavenly being. So, from that night, I gained My Special Protector from The Lord and I was very grateful for the gift of my special friend.

After I was introduced to my Special Protector, I sensed then that The Lord would be leaving soon, as dawn was approaching. This made me a bit sad in my soul, as I did not want The Lord to leave me. But, in hope, I asked The Lord this question… I asked Him if I would ever hear His Voice as clearly and distinctly as I hear others on earth.

But, Jesus did not directly answer the question. Instead, He made a promise to me. That one day, in the future, His Mother, Our Blessed Mother, The Queen of Heaven, would one day appear to me.

That someday, Our Blessed Mother would appear to me as clearly, in body and soul, as I see other living human beings on earth.

And upon receiving this promise, it gave me great consolation and joy in my heart.

Then, my Special Protector said to me, “Prepare! The Lord wants to give you a gift. A special sunrise!”

And with mixed emotion, as I did not want The Lord to leave me that night, but having some joyful consolation with a gift of a “special sunrise,” I started to get teary-eyed at The Lord’s soon departure…

I then sat up on my bed, with tears freely falling down my face, as I asked my Special Protector “where was the special sunrise?” as I looked towards the sunlight peeking through the full blinds of my bedroom window, unable to clearly see the dawning sun…

My Special Protector then revealed to me, “the sun rose in my eyes.”

And, of course, upon hearing those words, my tears began to flow even more, as I thought how romantic My Love Is.

I love You, Lord.

My God, how I love Thee…

CHAPTER NINE

Now, it was the early morning of Sunday, July 13, 2008.

The Lord had departed and because I had spent the entire night in heaven’s company, I was very happy, but also a bit tired. So, I decided to eat a quick snack for breakfast, before I would try to take a morning nap.

After I had eaten something small, I returned to my bedroom and proceeded to get ready to sleep. Then, something happened—

I received another visitation!

But, this time, the invisible person appeared to be my dear friend, Nikki, who was now in heaven. I could sense her presence right next to my closet door, near my altar table where my St. Benedict crucifix lay.

And as Nikki began to speak to me, I could sense that something was not right. She started rambling about her previously committed sins to me, which did not seem right, as I knew that she had been forgiven and was now in heaven with The Lord. But, loving my friend so much, I listened to her although it did not make sense.

Then, I did something, because I was so happy to be talking to my dear friend… I asked Nikki for a hug.

And then, as soon as I asked Nikki for a hug, I sensed her take two giant leaps towards my bed, as my mind was confused and I made an out-loud gasp.

Meantime, while my mind was mentally confused, my soul immediately recognized that this invisible person was NOT Nikki at all. For, my soul immediately screamed in terror inside—

It was satan!

And at the very moment of my “spiritual scream,” I sensed an angel of The Lord, most likely St. Michael, cover my body with himself in an invisible force-field of sorts.

I felt spiritually the supernatural world collide, as St. Michael and satan clashed in battle.

And I immediately chastised myself for not recognizing satan in disguise. I had been so overjoyed that “my friend, Nikki,” was visiting from heaven, that in my love for her, I never questioned that it might not be her at all. I had been duped.

I quickly realized that by inviting “Nikki” to give me a hug, I had opened the way for satan to attack me—and potentially even kill me—as he had been stopped from entering my bedroom by the blessed St. Benedict crucifix at my altar.

Then, my Special Protector spoke to me again, saying to “Prepare!” as God the Father wanted me to go my parish church, Blessed Sacrament Church, at 3 pm that afternoon, as The Lord wanted me to see a vision of hell.

Now, as a bit of context, ever since I had returned to the Catholic faith of my childhood, I have always had a personal fear of mine, of seeing hell as it truly is.

In fact, I know that is why The Lord is so very kind to me. Because it is one matter to believe with all your strength in the supernatural world. To live in faith. And then, it is another matter, to actually see the supernatural world with your physical eyes.

And because of the nightmares I have always suffered throughout my life, I was always fearful of physically seeing hell, because I knew it was something truly awful.

In fact, I have had no desire to even see angels, as I have always had the thought, in the back of my mind, that if I see an angel, then that means I might see the opposite, too… So, strong was my fear to seeing hell…

So, hearing my Special Protector inform me that I was to have a vision of hell, did not settle “nicely” with me (and my queasy stomach). But, because God the Father wanted me to have this vision, I did not question the matter, as I would comply with the wishes of My Lord.

So, after taking a morning nap, I walked the 2-3 miles to my parish church, as I prayed the Most Holy Rosary, in penance, to Our Blessed Mother to give me strength for this.

When I arrived at Blessed Sacrament Church, it was about the two o’clock hour. I sat towards the back of the church, as a few babies were being baptized that afternoon and I did not want to disturb the Celebration of the Sacrament. Meanwhile, I prayed the Most Holy Rosary silently to myself. But, after awhile, because I was so tired from not having much sleep from the previous week, I began to nod off in the pews…

Then, all of a sudden, I heard a “clang” as my rosary beads hit the pew in front of me. I woke up to find myself in the darkened church, as the Baptism celebrations had ended and I was alone.

It was now three o’clock in the afternoon, and my Special Protector told me to look towards the Tabernacle, where the Blessed Sacrament was hidden inside. My Special Protector again told me to “Prepare!” as God the Father desired me to have a vision of hell.

So, I began to look at the gold encasing of the Tabernacle where Jesus lay inside as the Blessed Sacrament. I then began to notice that the gold encasing started to change a bit—

In the gold encasing, I began to see Jesus hanging on the Cross, while demons were at the foot of the Cross, and with outstretched hands, the demons were trying to pull Him down.

Then, I had the heavenly thought that Jesus conquers hell and not to be afraid anymore of seeing the eternal abyss.

And I understood further that God the Father had given me this “gentle” vision from His Love for me, so that I would have no more fear of hell. That, as long as I had faith in His Divine Son and love of God in my heart, I did not have to fear in this way anymore.

And from that day forward, I no longer had any fear of seeing hell.

Then, later on that evening, I received a very special and beautiful confirmation from Our Lord. The Holy Spirit inspired me to visit the website for Our Lady of Emmitsburg (centeroftheimmaculateheart.org), which I knew through discernment and previous confirmation to be a true and authentic apparition of Our Blessed Mother. A heavenly message had been received from Our Lady by the visionary Gianna on this Sunday, July 13, 2008. Here is the message:

***

Public Message

Our Lady of Emmitsburg

To the World

through Gianna Sullivan

July 13, 2008

Little children, praised be Jesus!

Dear children, I am a Mother, “full of Grace.” I have extended my hand to you. I have presented my Most Adorable and Merciful Son to you.

Children, you all possess the same Spirit of Grace that God has gifted you. Why then do you tear one another apart? Why is there not harmony and unity?   My Son’s Peace is that of holiness and justice. You do not realize the tears, the penance and the sacrifices made at a price for your existence! There are hidden heroes around the world whose love is their life’s mission. They pray to love; and oftentimes they come between you and God, warding off Divine punishment. They pray for a spiritual transfusion and for conversion of hearts.

It was the same during the time of my Son. The Pharisees, the Sadducees and the Scribes did not bear fruit through their repeated sins. They desired to persecute, to conquer, to dominate and to distort the goodness of my Son and the Truth of His Word. Is it not the same today—with “pharisees” living with hardness of heart, desiring to tear down, persecute and dominate? Is there not lust, gluttony, hatred and selfishness?

So today, I can tell you that true Charity will be precisely gifted upon those who are scorned, mocked, persecuted and laughed at. Little ones, when something is real, you cannot stop God! No judgment from men can impair or influence the Judgment of God. You would only be fighting God.

I am your Mother, “full of grace”; and my Merciful Son has allowed me to distribute these graces to you. I have a duty as a Mother to warn, to challenge, to protect and to draw all people to God. Please, receive these graces while I am still allowed.

Seals (Rev. 6:1-17) have been broken one by one, but if all the seals were broken at once, humanity would not be able to survive.

For those who have ears, hear! “We are not leaving.”

I love you. I love you (fading whisper—crying).

(During the apparition but before the audible message from Our Lady through Gianna to the world, Gianna’s eyes and head panned the entire width of the room from her right to her left as Our Lady moved from the center of the room to Her far left, upward and back to the center, and to Her far right, before returning back in front of Gianna. Throughout this entire time, a kaleidoscope of color in the form of rays flowed from Our Lady’s hands onto the entire crowd in the building. Those gathered at the Prayer Group saw on the giant screen monitors the ecstatic joy on Gianna’s face, for NEVER before had Gianna seen such an expression of Our Lady’s love. Our Lady shared with Gianna that she was distributing God’s graces to all.)

***

And from this heavenly message from Our Blessed Mother, I understood—and it was confirmed to me—that truly, Our Lord and Our Lady had been with me in the early morning hours of that day.

That the Blessed Mother had truly “extended Her Hand” to me and had offered Her Son, Jesus, to me, in Love, with The Ring of His Most Precious Blood from the Crucifixion.

And I understood how, I was counted as one of the “hidden heroes” that Our Lady referred to, with a “special mission” to love and pray for spiritual transformation of hearts in the world.

I also further understood that God the Father would delay whatever His judgment was in the world and against my country, due to the sacrifices of myself and many other “hidden heroes” in the world, who had prayed against this tragedy that was seemingly on the horizon, as revealed by Our Lord and Our Lady to Anna Marie through the Apostolate of the Green Scapular.

Finally, in the subsequent months, I came to realize how special and how important the day of July 13th was to me and for Our Beloved Church. As I realized that July 13th was also the anniversary for when the secrets of Our Lady of Fatima were given to the three shepherd children.

It was also the day that the three shepherd children of Fatima had received their own vision of hell from Our Lady back in 1917. And how July 13th was also the anniversary of Our Lady as the Rosa Mystica, which is an apparition of Our Blessed Mother in which She stressed the importance of praying for our priests and vocations in the Church.

God bless us all.

I thank You, Lord, for the blessings and graces that you have given me and Your Beloved Church.

Amen.

CHAPTER TEN

So, after this joyous event—after I had received The Ring of Our Lord’s Most Precious Blood—I spoke to no one about this happening until six months later. At six months, I then revealed to both my parish priest and my father this happening while asking them for secrecy.

In fact, this book is truly the first time that I have shared with anyone all these mystical events of my life. Because, besides my father, my parish priest, and one other dear friend, I have told no one of all these things, for fear of ridicule, disillusion, and even persecution due to my diagnosed medical condition.

Meanwhile, in the days after receiving the Most Precious Ring, The Lord gave me another great gift—to remind me always of His nearby presence.

Because, as the earlier story showed, Our Lord and Our Lady had clearly been holding my hands during the entire visitation. And so, in the following days, The Lord revealed to me that They both were continuing to hold my hands.

For, unbeknownst to others, Our Lord and Our Lady were miraculously bringing my fingers together in both my left and right hands to remind me of Their continuing presence. Three fingers in each hand—The Lord holding my left hand and Our Lady holding my right hand.

And this miraculous placement of my fingers has continued to this day—over four and a half years later—as a great grace and personal reminder of Their Love for me.

And if I truly ponder this miraculous occurrence, it brings tears of gratitude to me. Because never in my dreams did I ever think that I would go from holding the hand of my guardian angel to holding the Hands of Our Lord and Our Lady every day.

It is a great blessing and gift to me—one that I am undeserving of having each day.

In the meantime, I also began to realize that the Most Precious Ring consisted not only of My Love’s Most Precious Blood from the Crucifixion, but also comprised a Precious Teardrop of Our Lady for the sorrows She holds in Her Most Beloved and Immaculate Heart for humanity.

So, the Most Precious Ring that I wear invisibly each day consists of both of my birthstones—symbolically, the bloodstone and the aquamarine gem.

Meanwhile, the annual message of March 18, 2008 from Medjugorje, certainly became true in my life. For, just as Our Lady had spoken, the way that I walked daily with Our Lady was (and is) “difficult and full of temptations and falls.”

I wish that I could say that after all these graces—ordinary and extraordinary—that I became a “model” Catholic. I wish that I could say that I started attending daily Mass, nightly Eucharist Adoration and weekly Confession, but, alas, this was not the case.

I am a poor sinner and I kept falling. And failing miserably at practicing my faith.

The biggest sin that I keep failing at was keeping the Sabbath (Sunday) holy. I could make many excuses for breaking this Commandment, but at the heart of it, it is because I am lazy and do not love God enough.

I do not love God enough.

And sometimes, I would think about how miserably I was at failing at keeping the Sabbath holy, and it would make me so sad. It seemed like, at times, that I was spending more time in the confessional booth, then actually attending Mass—so great was this sin of mine.

Yes, I would spend so much time in Confession, because I would never approach Jesus in the Holy Eucharist without a clean heart.

So, I would oscillate between periods of great devotion and ardent faith, and lackluster lukewarm-ness and mediocrity.

But, God Is So Merciful. He always received me with “open Arms” in Confession. I am so grateful that our faith has this great Sacrament from Our Lord. How grateful I am to know that my sins are constantly forgiven!

Thank You, Lord!

Meanwhile, as I tried to increase further in my faith, my most ardent wish was to someday have the “Love of Christ” in my little heart. I continued to think of having that “perfect love” that I desired so much in my soul. And oftentimes, I would think to myself how wonderful it would be to be like another Christ walking the earth.

I admired so much the great saints like St. Francis and St. Claire of Assisi, St. Dominic, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Louis de Montfort, and so many others, who gave their “all” to Jesus, to live a passionate life in love with Him. How, despite the personal costs to themselves—whether it be reputation, fortune, even comfort and “status quo”, etc., these great saints loved Jesus to give it all up, to follow the Light of the Holy Spirit and The Gospel in their daily life. How they permitted themselves to be lead and transformed by God to do great things in the faith and convert others despite where it would take them.

Then, oftentimes, I would also think to myself, how great it would be to simply live as a hermit or a cloistered nun. Hidden from the eyes of the world, living a simple, prayerful life, totally in love with My Jesus. Truly, at such times, when I thought these things to myself, I would be reminded of St. Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower, who desired to be so many things to God—a nun, a missionary, a scholar, etc. Oh, how my heart was torn between doing such “great things” for My Love, Jesus!

But, alas, due to costs incurred for an expensive graduate education and a severe chronic illness such as schizophrenia, I could be neither a nun, nor a missionary, or anything of “notice” in the Church. At times, I would grieve so much over desiring to be closer to My God in a religious vocation, but clearly knowing that was not my path in life. It was truly sad to me.

But, over time, I began to accept that my vocation in life was to be neither a religious nor married person, but to remain consecrated to The Lord as a single lay female. And although it has been challenging to live this vocation, I trusted in The Lord—understanding that He had plans for my life even though I did not know what they were at the time or are.

Meantime, the messages from Heaven from various visionaries continued to be a constant support for me in my faith journey. In particular, Our Lady at Medjugorje would always seem to give me a “personal message” whenever I was at “low point” in my faith. Or, She would encourage me further when my faith was blossoming.

I also received so much spiritual fruit from the inspired books and monthly messages from Our Lord by “Anne” through Direction for Our Times (directionforourtimes.com). These writings would encourage me so much in the direction of my life and my faith. In particular, the monthly messages would help keep me “on track” spiritually with God.

Truly, our generation has been blessed to have these frequent and special “gifts”—treasures—from above. Thank You God! Thank You for blessing this world time and again!

And so, this was the foundation of my faith, which set the stage for me to receive one of the greatest graces that God has ever given me. It happened in fall of 2009 when I discovered the heavenly messages of Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org)…

CHAPTER ELEVEN

In fall 2009, I came across a heavenly message from Holy Love Ministry through belonging to an internet prayer group. So, I decided to visit the website (holylove.org) and it changed my life forever. For, Holy Love became for me one of the greatest graces God has ever given me.

As I read each heavenly message and discerned them in my heart, I immediately recognized the spiritual value of the Holy Love Messages. Each one spoke directly to my soul—my spirit was deeply touched by the graces attached to each message from God. I could not help but feel the intimate and passionate love that God has for each one of us.

I thank God each moment for leading me to Holy Love.

Thank You, My Love, My Lord!

So many of the messages deeply affected my soul. One, in particular, I recall often is the following:

***

Holy Love Message

November 1, 1999

All Saints’ Day

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“Today, child, we honor many and all unknown saints. That is, these saints are unknown to the world but [are] deep within the chambers of My Heart, for they are all martyrs of love. No one achieves sanctification without surrendering to this martyrdom of love. My Mother was the perfect example of this beautiful fulfillment of martyrdom. Unknown to the world was Her pain and sorrow. Unknown as well, Her heroic acts of surrender to love.”

“Follow Me blindly, for perfect love casts out all fear. Therefore, surrender the future to Me in trust. Do not be concerned for a plan or your next step. I am always with you. The deepest chamber of My Heart is reserved for the souls who will follow Me blinded by the light of Our Hearts; that is, blinded by love. My blessing rests on such as these.”

***

Ever the romantic spirit, to hear Our Lord speak to us about being blinded by love was so beautiful to me. It made me recall my deep desire and longing to be a missionary—to touch hearts and convert them to God.  How I wanted to be blinded by love of the Two Hearts, living in total blind faith and unconditional love for God like so many of the saints that I admired…

Many of the heavenly messages validated for me also the virtues in “praying unceasingly”—trying to live every present moment in love with God. And I recognized in them, the heavenly call to “be perfect as Our Heavenly Father Is Perfect…”

In fact, everything that The Holy Spirit had been guiding me by and teaching me since my conversion in 2003 could be found in the Holy Love Messages. And so, it became very easy and natural for me to believe in them full-heartily from the beginning. I was blessed with heavenly understanding.

Then, several weeks after discovering the heavenly messages, a tragedy happened in November 2009. The local bishop strongly condemned the messages and the messenger. This truly broke my heart. Because, similar to the messages of Our Lady of Emmitsburg (centeroftheimmaculateheart.org), I knew that this apparition site was genuine and its origin truly of God.

So, I prayed ardently to Our Lord that Holy Love Ministry would survive, because I had only recently found this spiritual reservoir and I did not want to loose this lifeline for me to Heaven. I desired to read all the messages and incorporate them into my life.

And then, I was so overjoyed that Holy Love Ministry continued to stay on the internet—that this great grace from Our Lord would continue in the world. In particular, I remember reading these two heavenly messages in January 2010 that gave me great comfort and inspiration to continue pursuing the holy path to The United Hearts of Jesus and Mary as given through Holy Love:

***

Holy Love Messages
(holylove.org)

January 13, 2010

St. Thomas Aquinas says:

“Praise be to Jesus.”

“I have come today to speak about love. Whenever there is lack of trust in the heart, it is a sign of a weakness in Holy Love. Lack of trust is an early sign of fear. Scripture has it that perfect love casts out all fear.” *

“Fear gains the soul nothing and even forms a barrier between the human heart and the Divine. Therefore, understand that fear is an obstacle to grace.”

“Holy Love is the doorway to grace. It is a reflection of God’s Love – a mirror image of Divine Love. The way to achieve the fulfillment of all your petitions, then, is to perfect your heart in Holy Love. This is to live in God’s Holy and Divine Will. God does not want to deny such a heart anything.”

(* 1 John 4:18 – “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”)

January 25, 2010

Monday Service

Peace in All Hearts through Holy Love

Jesus is here with His Heart exposed. He says:

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“Remember always, My brothers and sisters, that in your acceptance is your surrender. If you can accept every detail of the present moment, then you are living in perfect trust and perfect Holy Love; for perfect love casts out all fear.”

“Tonight I’m blessing you with My Blessing of Divine Love.”

***

And so, since discovering the Holy Love Messages, each day became a great joy for me, anticipating the day’s forthcoming heavenly message.

Oh, how I poured over the messages, cherishing them all in my heart!   It was like I had received a treasure trove of little spiritual gifts that I loved to reflect so much over for heavenly understanding. Through Holy Love, God had truly answered the inner yearnings of my soul to show me more of His Beauty, His Perfect Heart and His Intimate Love for us all.

Holy Love is such a blessing for the entire world!

Meanwhile, as I tried to incorporate the Holy Love Messages into my life, the spiritual warfare that I had experienced intensely since my conversion continued. The nightmares that I have suffered my whole life began to change in degree. Now, they were the type in which satan would drag my soul to hell.

I do not speak about these nightmares with others except my parish priest. But, whenever these nightmares spent in hell occurred, all I can do is pray to God—over and over again—for the salvation of all souls. I have spent several nights like this—only to be finally rescued by prayer to Our Blessed Mother in the end.

I also began to be woken up in the middle of the night by demons standing in my bedroom. It is a regular occurrence for me—seeing a demon after waking up from sleep. It always causes me to scream in terror, but, thankfully, my mother always looks in on me when it happens. God bless my mom and my family!

Now, I do not know why I have such nightmares of hell or see demons after a peaceful sleep. But, I do suspect that it is directly connected with the mortal sin of abortion in the world. Oh, how God is displeased with us due to abortion!

Lord, please have Mercy on us all! Please, Lord, please, be Merciful to us, Your children!

Lamb of God, have Mercy on us all!

Amen!

Now, I want to end this chapter with stressing something important with my beloved readers. It is this singular truth: I am not a saint. I’m not even the best person for some of the things that God has desired me to do in my life. This book is a testimony to that fact. I’m not perfected in God yet.

But, I have come to realize that with God, that He doesn’t necessarily choose the best person, but rather, the person who will say “yes” to Him—the person who will continue to say “yes” in order to get the task done.

And so, I know that with myself, I know that I am no one special. It may seem like I am because of this book—with the special and extraordinary graces that I have received in my life that I might be someone special… But, I am not—

I am simply a soul who said “yes” to His Divine Plan.

It is only because of the unique circumstances of my life—all the moments that I have said “yes” to Him—and the talents that He blessed me with before I was even born—such as the ability to write, etc., that I am in the “right place” (spiritually) to be able to write these words for Him now.

But, I want each of my beloved readers to know and realize this for themselves:

Each of us is uniquely special, uniquely important, and uniquely loved by God.

I am reminded now of the parable in Holy Scripture in which there are several workers who worked in a vineyard. Some started working in the early part of the day; others started working at noon; while there were others that started working in the last hour.

Yet, they were all paid the same wage by the owner of the vineyard.

Each of us, my beloved brothers and sisters, come to Jesus at different points in our lives. Some of us may have been a Christian our whole life; while others are becoming a Christian in this final hour.

But, I will tell you so tenderly, my beloved brothers and sisters, that, in the end, it does not matter except that our salvation is secure in Our Beloved Lord. My joy as a Christian is made complete when I have a family to love in you. For, true love is not possible unless you have someone to love.

I love you all. Whether you are a great scarlet sinner or an angel, I am so happy that you are returning to and believing in Our Lord. And I will tell you another singular truth:

God loves you more than I ever could.

So, believe and have faith. Trust in Him. Open your hearts to God. Open your hearts to The Ultimate Love.

Amen.

CHAPTER TWELVE

By February 2010, I was thoroughly convinced of the authenticity of the Holy Love Messages (holylove.org). So, I then proceeded to make the 3-day consecration privately so I could belong to the “Secular Order of the Missionaries of Holy Love.”

It was so beautiful to me—each Holy Love Message. As I continued to follow them, I deeply wanted to share with everyone all the blessings of Holy Love. I desired so much that others discover the spiritual journey of Perfect Love through the United Hearts of Jesus and Mary.

So, my 3-day consecration to the secular order accomplished that. For, during this time, I spoke about Holy Love Ministry to others so that they might share my joy, too, in their hearts.

Then, after the my consecration to Holy Love, I continued in my desire to further commit myself to the Confraternity of the United Hearts of the Most Holy Trinity and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. But, alas, one of the obligations to belong was to make a spiritual pilgrimage to Holy Love Ministry in Cleveland, Ohio.

Sadly, I could not afford to do so. In fact, I have desired so much to make a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and other holy sites and sacred places to The Lord, but due to poor choices from my past, I could not afford to go. I am poor—as most people are—who are held in bondage to their prior debts.

So, knowing this, it made me so sad that I could not visit Holy Love Ministry—the source of such constant heavenly joy to me.

But, then something wonderful happened. On July 15, 2010, a glorious message was received from Our Lord, Jesus, at Holy Love. Here is the message in its entirety:

***

Holy Love Message

July 15, 2010

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“I desire that the Confraternity of the United Hearts of the Most Holy Trinity and the Immaculate Heart of Mary be easily accessible to all. Therefore, with this one prayer and a movement of the free will, the soul can consider himself a member of the Confraternity. This must be the impetus to live a life consecrated to personal holiness through Holy Love.”

“There are other devotional practices that the soul can follow in pursuit of this personal holiness which are outlined in previous instructions.”

“This is the prayer:”

“Most Holy Trinity, in union with the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I consecrate my heart and my life towards the goal of personal holiness through devotion to You. I commit every thought, word and deed to the practice of Holy Love in every present moment. Amen.”

***

Oh, my beloved brothers and sisters! This heavenly message moved and warmed my heart!

No longer would my heart be held captive because I was unable to go on pilgrimage! Jesus came to me! God came to me through this message! He answered the little cry of my tiny heart!

And so, once I read this message from Jesus, I immediately said the prayer privately to myself. Oh, how so many tears fell down my face as I spoke the words from God. I was so grateful and thankful to Our Father for this precious, sweet gift of love from His Most Benevolent Heart.

It was such a very powerful moment for me.

This short, simple prayer renewed my heart. It renewed my spirit. It renewed my soul.

Then, a few days later, through the working of The Holy Spirit, I began a new task for Our Lord—one that I never would have thought of on my own…

I began to write a love-letter.

Yes, I began to write a love-letter. My very first love-letter to an unnamed party. For God had been placing in my heart, for a longtime, the desire to share the Holy Love Messages with an unnamed party, so they could also evangelize the Good News of Jesus at Holy Love along with the Good News of Our Lady of Medjugorje.

For, it simply felt natural to me that two of the greatest graces of my life—Our Lady of Medjugorje and Our Lord at Holy Love Ministry—should be communicated to the entire world—Together—as Their Hearts are United as ONE.

And, in particular, God placed in my heart the loving concern for all souls at the time of The Great Warning. Also called, the Global Illumination of Conscience, that all souls were to receive sometime soon in the world. A great worldwide event from God that would be a correction of our consciences—an enlightenment of what is good and what is evil in God’s Holy Eyes. It has been promised and prophesied by Our Lady at Garabandal, Spain since the 1960s.

So, tenderly moved by The Holy Spirit in my heart, on Sunday night—July 18, 2010—I began to write my first love-letter to an unnamed party. In particular, I remember this day, because I dedicated my love-letter to the patron saints of that holy day—even though I was not familiar with any of them.

Yet, I asked them to protect this holy work that I was doing on behalf of God. I simply felt called to do so in prayer.

And so, writing the love-letter took a few days. My mind was filled with so many inspirational thoughts. I could feel strongly The Holy Spirit guiding me in my written words.

Then, in the course of writing my first love-letter, something very beautiful happened to me. I will relay this very special moment to you all in the next chapter…

God bless you!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Oh, my beloved readers…

If you will recall, in an earlier chapter, I spoke to you about my spiritual father, St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers. How I tenderly love this man—a great saint, who has been so kind to pray for me every day when I used to drive a car.

Well, on July 13, 2008, when Jesus gave me my Special Protector, I was kept in the dark for more than two years as to the identity of who this person was—

Although it was never revealed verbally to me if it was a man or a woman, I had the heavenly impression—spiritual insight—at the time that it was indeed a human being, not a heavenly angel, and that it was a man, who walked besides me each day—along with Our Lord and Our Lady.

So, for over two years, I played—fondlyguessing games with Heaven. Sometimes, in my prayers, I would ask Heaven if my Special Protector was this saint or that saint—often in a teasing way. As I was honestly clueless on what my special mission might be and who my Special Protector was.

But, often, I would ponder to myself that it must be St. Christopher, because I had asked him so tenderly to be my spiritual father so long ago and travel with me on the greatest journey of my life—to Jesus.

Yet, Heaven remained silent to my prayers and my questions. And, except for the day that my Special Protector was appointed to me by Jesus, for over two years, I never heard his “neutral-sounding” voice again.

But, I would feel his presence often besides me. Just like I knew Our Lord and Our Lady continued to hold my hands since that fateful day in 2008.

Oh, my beloved readers…

For two years I lived in blind faith as to who this heavenly person might be. Then, on Tuesday, July 20, 2010, Heaven finally revealed its possible intentions and plans with my life—

Something and someone that I never even imagined…

On that day, I was working my full-time job at the private university. The Holy Spirit was acting very powerfully in my life, as in between work tasks, I kept getting promptings on what words to write in my first love-letter to an unnamed party.

So, I kept jotting notes down on a pad of paper as I worked my full-time job.

Then, I got up to get a cup of water to drink. And as I walked back to my desk, I had a very powerful experience—

For, a few very intense moments, I truly felt the presence of Our Lord and Our Lady walking besides me at my workplace.

This experience was not just simply knowing Them as holding each of my hands every day. No, this mystical experience was much stronger than that.   Much, much stronger.

Although I did not visually see Our Lord and Our Lady, I felt Their physical bodies moving besides me, as They held my hands. In particular, I could feel the sensation of Their heavenly robes sway along besides me and my soul was very strongly touched knowing of Their Holy Presence with me.

I did not understand then why I felt so powerfully Their Presence, but it uplifted my soul immediately. I made it to my desk, in awe of this special grace.

Then, while sitting at my work desk, I also felt the presence of all the angels and saints surrounding me. Like a barrier, a shield of protection around me, it felt like spiritual earthquakes rippling in my soul—

And I had the mental thought to myself—wherever Our Lord and Our Lady walk, so walks the Church.

Then, while sitting at my work desk, My Love, My Lord, finally revealed to me who my Special Protector was. God opened my mind then, in the same manner He had opened my mind back on July 13, 2008. And I became dumbstruck and amazed at the revelation of who it was—

My Special Protector was (and is) St. Elijah the Prophet.

St. Elijah of The Old Testament.

One of the greatest prophets of Israel. And of significant biblical relevance to Christians.

And when this person was revealed to me, I was shocked, because never in any of my previous thoughts did I ever think that it might be St. Elijah.

Even today, I continue to be astounded by this revelation. I am so honored that it is St. Elijah, but also, I continue to be astonished by what my special mission might be.

So, as soon as I could, I spoke to my parish priest, as I knew that I had to tell this to a priest. As it was such a serious matter—of possible great magnitude…

But, similar to the experience I had in requesting the additional prayers and Masses for Our Lord—in order to prevent the grave and impending tragedy back in 2008—my parish priest was reluctant to believe me.

So, afterwards, I ended up only telling my dad about St. Elijah as being my Special Protector. So, except for my parish priest, my dad, and one other individual, I have pondered this secret by myself for almost four years—

Until now, with the writing of this book, which is a memoir of my life in love with Our Lord.

God bless us all through St. Elijah!

God bless us all!

So, July 20, 2010 became a special day for me. For, on this day, Our Lord revealed to me the identity of my Special Protector as St. Elijah the Prophet. St. Elijah, who would prove himself instrumental to me in fulfilling my special mission. A special mission that I did not fully know or understand all the details of, but had been especially chosen for me by God.

In the subsequent months, I pondered these things greatly to myself. I also realized several months later why Our Lord chose July 20th to reveal who was my Special Protector—

July 20th is the Church feast day for St. Elijah in the Catholic faith.

So, upon learning this telling fact, it gave me even more confidence in The Truth that My Jesus was slowly revealing to me, as to what He desired and expected from me. My life’s mission.

In the subsequent months, I also read and pondered as many Holy Love Messages as I could (holylove.org)—oh, how they spoke all to my heart! They were transforming my life, to be a better Christian and follower of My Lord.

In my online studies, I also came across a very interesting message. Here is an excerpt of the heavenly message at Holy Love:

***

Holy Love Message

December 1, 2001

St. Thomas Aquinas comes. He is walking down the aisle with great difficulty due to his weight. He says:

“Praise be to Jesus.”

“Daughter, tell Fr. Kenney that I appear in this bodily form so that you will recognize me when you compare my vision to photographs in the past. After all, ask him to recall that Moses and Elijah appeared in bodily form at the Transfiguration, but they are not body and soul in Heaven, as yet…”

***

And so, upon reading this heavenly message, it made me ponder some more about my special mission and, of course, St. Elijah and his role in regards to me.

I know that many Jews and Christians believe that St. Elijah will come back physically to earth in The End Times. For, in the Old Testament, in the Book of Malachi (New American Bible, Chapter 3), it is written:

“Lo, I will send you Elijah, the prophet, Before the day of the LORD comes, the great and terrible day, To turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the land with doom…”

Also, in the Gospel of Matthew (New American Bible, Chapter 17), The Transfiguration of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, takes place on a high mountain before the three apostles, Peter, James and John. During which Moses and Elijah appeared bodily to Jesus and the three apostles.

Then, afterwards, this dialogue takes place with Jesus:

Then the disciples asked him, “Why do the scribes say that Elijah must come first?”

He said in reply, “Elijah will indeed come and restore all things; but I tell you that Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him but did to him whatever they pleased. So also will the Son of Man suffer at their hands.”

Then the disciples understood that he was speaking to them of John the Baptist.

So, from this exchange in Holy Scripture, it is known that St. John the Baptist fulfilled in himself the Biblical prophecy of St. Elijah coming again, before the First Coming of Our Lord, Jesus Christ almost 2000 years ago.

But, also, Jesus confirmed in that same Holy Scripture passage that St. Elijah would come again, before the Second Coming of Our Lord.

So, I have pondered these things, fully realizing that St. Elijah is walking besides me every day, along with Our Lord and Our Lady. I have pondered about the Holy Love Message of December 1, 2001, in which St. Thomas Aquinas indicated that St. Elijah was not in both body and soul in Heaven. And I reflect about my “special mission” in which I know that St. Elijah will be instrumental to my success.

I do not know what my special mission is yet. But, that is ok, because I know that at The Great Warning, God will reveal to me what it is. For, at that time, I will have heavenly understanding as to all the mystical experiences that I have had in my life. I will know with clarity My Love’s desires for me and the reason of all the events of my life. And I will understand more fully the personal prophecies that The Lord has given me, including the final prophecy of my passing over in life.

Meanwhile, I prepare my heart.

Through Holy Love, I know that, regardless of what my special mission in life might be, how important it is to live and trust in The Lord in each and every present moment. How important it is to strive to pray unceasingly.

How, especially, prayer needs to become a constant joy for me in my life. Because prayer in the present moment—is and will be—the foundation of how I will sustain myself in whatever mission The Lord appoints for me.

So, I continue to strive for this: unceasing prayer and perfect love in my heart for God and neighbor.

It is my life’s goal.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

So, in July 2010, in the course of writing my first love-letter to an unnamed party, God gave me a very special grace—He finally revealed the identity of my Special Protector—

The grace of which continues to astound me today.

Meanwhile, I finished my first love-letter and mailed it to an unnamed party, living in joyful hope for a favorable response. But, alas, it was not acted upon in any way that I could perceive.

But, this did not deter me. For, I simply felt in my heart, that God was calling me to do this holy task for Him. To share the Good News of Holy Love to an unnamed party, who would then, in turn, share this with the entire world.

In particular, on December 27, 2010, Jesus gave a message at Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org) that encouraged me a lot. This is the message:

***

December 20, 2010

Monday Service

Peace in All Hearts through Holy Love

Jesus is here with His Heart exposed. He says:

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

 “My brothers and sisters, please understand that this Mission will only be as strong as its most ardent devotees. The REASONS YOU ARE PERSECUTED are the same as why I WAS PERSECUTED, even as a babe in the manger, JEALOUSY – INSECURITY – AVARICE.”

“ALL of these destroy the HOLY LOVE in hearts of the leaders. Therefore, persevere and do not fear.”

“I’m blessing you with My Blessing of Divine Love.”

***

Upon reading this message, it made me reflect a lot on Holy Love. In particular, I pondered a lot on the statement from Jesus in which He said that “…this Mission will only be as strong as its most ardent devotees…”

I recalled the worldly saying that “something is only as strong as its weakest link.” Yet, here, God was flipping this worldly thinking on its head, by stating the opposite—

That Holy Love would be accepted and spread in the world by those who were its more strongest—ardent—believers.

So, I desired this for the world. Because I knew—by grace—that the only way humanity could be saved and thrive in this world was by living fully the Holy Love Messages in their hearts. By living fully the example of The Blessed Mother—loving God and neighbor—in every present moment of our lives.

So, after a month of discernment, I began my second love-letter to an unnamed party in February 2011. And God has sustained me—by grace—despite so many struggles I have encountered against my “love-letter campaign.”

In particular, I had my most strongest spiritual struggle against this holy work in summer 2011.

It was the afternoon of Tuesday, May 31, 2011, the Feast Day of the Visitation of Mary. I was working at my full-time job when I felt inspired to visit the website for Holy Love Ministry (holylove.org) to see if there was a message for the day. There was one waiting there for me. Here is the message:

***

Holy Love Message

May 31, 2011

Jesus is here with His Heart exposed. He says:

“I am your Jesus, born Incarnate.”

“My brothers and sisters, in the world today there are so many who walk the path to perdition, falsely thinking that they have righteous hearts; but this is not true – God is not first in their hearts. The things of the world have taken priority and become like false gods.”

“Therefore, I ask you to pray that each soul receives an illumination of conscience.”

“Tonight I am blessing you with My Blessing of Divine Love.”

***

Now, upon reading this heavenly message, I became concerned. Here, Jesus was speaking of the illumination of conscience for everyone, and I just felt in my heart that the world was not prepared for this great gift from God of The Great Warning. So, I was very concerned, but despite my mixed feelings, I prayed for this grace of illumination for everyone, because My Love had asked for it.

And as I prayed for the illumination of conscience, I received an interior locution with the words, “the dream had been realized,” along with an image in my mind of Our Lord and Our Lady and all the angels and saints of Heaven.

I did not know what this meant.

However, later on the same night, on the eve of the Feast Day for the Ascension of Our Lord, it happened. I began to receive an illumination of my conscience. And it was very powerful indeed.

In a “dream-like state,” my personal illumination of conscience was spiritually beautiful, but also personally fatiguing and mentally challenging for me. As my mind proved to be a moment-to-moment battleground between heaven and hell as my illumination took place over the course of a few days and nights.

I saw all of Creation during my illumination. From the Creation of the angels until the present-day, I witnessed God’s Love for us all, while satan also tried to impart his version of creation in my mind, too.

So, I struggled moment-by-moment to discern what was The Truth and what was a lie. But, through the strength of the Blessed Mother’s prayers, I obtained the grace of discernment at critical moments when satan was challenging God.

Truly, the Blessed Mother protected me under Her mantle. I tenderly love Her so much.

And so, then I was brought mentally to the present-day, and I begged God to stop. The agony I felt knowing the direction that mankind was headed down, tore at my heart. It was unbearable.

I began to beg, literally beg, God for a “free-be” pass for humanity. Oh, how I prayed for a “free-be.”

But, My Love, My Jesus, softly explained to me, in my soul, that He could not come again in the flesh. How He was appointed to be born only once and live a life on earth only once by His Father…

And although I understood mentally that fact, it still broke my heart, because I could feel the intense Pain and Sorrow of God, in my soul, over the current state of His children in the world.

My heart ached so much. I was in pain.

So then, I began to beg God if mankind could see the world through His Holy Eyes. Because I felt if everyone could simply have an experience like I was having then—during my illumination of conscience—then I thought that surely everyone would change—that everyone would surely turn back to God?

I begged ardently to God for The Great Warning to happen then. I asked so much that each of us be made to understand how we are supposed to love God and each other. I begged that everyone experience the True Love of God in their soul.

And I cried.

I cried so much—asking The Lord for the bad pages of The Book of Revelation to be taken out—ripped out forever—so that humanity could begin again. I cried—asking The Lord to rewrite the pages by opening The Book of Life—His Most Sacred Heart—to everyone. So, that everyone—even the most hardened of sinners—could have their names written in The Book of His Divine Heart—that everyone could be welcomed into His Glorious Kingdom on earth.

I simply could not understand how anyone would reject God if they were touched by His True Love in their heart. So, I prayed so much for The Great Warning to happen to all.

Afterwards, God then permitted me to experience the torment of the poor souls in purgatory. So that, for two and a half days, I experienced purgatory—the deprivation of the Presence of God in my soul—while living on earth.

So, I went through the motions of daily living—all the while thinking to myself about all the present moments I was “wasting” when I could be advancing God’s Holy Kingdom on earth. It was agonizing and excruciating for me, to know that God truly existed but that I could not be with Him. Those two and a half days of suffering were worse than any other physical, mental, or spiritual pain that I have felt on earth.

All I wanted to do was be before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, but instead, I was going to work, etc., and doing the ordinary things that I do each day.

But, everything seemed pointless to me—my secular work and everything I was doing to make a living—if I was not spending my present moments doing God’s holy work on earth.

I begged, literally, begged God if I could leave the earth then and go to heaven. It was so painful—torturous even—to know that God exists but that I could not be with Him then and there. I cried inside, feeling like I could no longer exist on earth in this crippling spiritual state, if every day, I would have to suffer the deprivation of God that the poor souls suffer in purgatory. I prayed to God so much, begging Him so hard, saying to Him, how much faith does a person need to have to believe in Him and be granted heaven? I literally felt that I had no more faith to offer. All I wanted was to cry and sit on a chair before the Blessed Sacrament for the remainder of my days. I was hurting and felt so alone and so abandoned.

Oh, how I can sympathize with Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament! Who waits for us continually to return His affectionate Love! How precious is a Holy Hour to God!

Finally, it was Saturday afternoon, June 4, 2011, and I went to have confession with my parish priest at my church. I confessed all the sins that I was keenly aware of through my personal illumination of my conscience.

Then, afterwards, I prayed in the pews silently to myself as I waited for Mass to begin later that afternoon. All the while, begging God to “go home” before the Blessed Sacrament.

That is all I wanted—to go home to heaven.

And so, I attended Mass and, finally, I was able to partake in Holy Communion. And at the moment of receiving my kiss from Jesus, I began anew to petition God to “go home” as I just could not bear the crippled spiritual state that I was in—feeling the deprivation of God that the poor souls suffered in purgatory.

It was hell on earth to me.

And so determined to have an answer from God, I sat in the pew with my eyes closed in silent prayer for forty-five minutes—literally, just hoping for some response to my soul’s plea.

Meanwhile, something unusual started to happen. As I sat in the pew with my eyes closed—keenly aware that I was still with Jesus in Holy Communion—I began to hear the “sounds of history” go by.

I heard sounds of human joy—of laughter, the cries of babies being born, etc.

Yet, I also heard sounds of human pain—the marching boots of foot soldiers in war, gunshots taking place, and tears of sorrow and grief, etc.

It was as if God was permitting my soul to experience all the sounds of joy and sorrow that have comprised the human journey while His children have been on exile on earth from Him.

It truly felt like I was passing through the passage of time.

Then, forty-five minutes later, I finally opened my eyes from Holy Communion, as I felt the awful touch of something sinister brush against my right shoulder—

As if satan himself had brushed up against me.

It made my soul jump inside with fright.

And when I opened my eyes, I found myself—body and soul—at another Celebration of Mass, at my church. But, this time, something was very, very wrong.

It was, as if, I was seeing the Universal Church through God’s Eyes and not my own. Like a “living” snapshot of Mass of all the different Masses being said at any given time on earth. And it truly shocked me.

Everyone was speaking a different language from me—it felt like I was a witness to the Tower of Babel inside my own church—I was confused as I did not understand what anyone was saying.

And when everyone sung a song of praise, it was the most lifeless song that I ever heard. It was like I could “peer into” the hearts of each of the congregants and they were devoid of any love of God in them.

I saw liturgical abuse after liturgical abuse. Through God’s Eyes, I understood what was appropriate and not appropriate for the Celebration of Mass.

No one bowed, no one kneeled to the altar, or had any reverence to God at all.

And when I looked at the confessional booths inside the church, the Holy Spirit made me understand many people were making bad confessions—if they confessed at all. That many people were in a state of increasing mortal sin in their souls.

Meantime, I could see the flickering of the flames of hell on some of the walls inside the church, while I saw shadows of demons dancing in the flames.

Finally, it was the priest’s turn to do a homily. A homily that came straight from hell. Although I did not understand what he was saying, it was like I was witnessing satan give a homily on himself.

The “priest” rambled for quite a longtime—so long that I kept wondering if he would ever stop talking. He had a sinister look on his face while he talked in front of the altar with his back turned away from the Blessed Sacrament. And he kept using exaggerated hand and body movements to explain whatever he was talking about.

Finally, the “priest” was done and then the “Mass” moved to the second part of the “celebration.” This was then, the worse part of what I experienced—

I witnessed—in both body and soul—how the words of the Consecration of the Holy Eucharist are changed. I saw the Abomination of Desolation.

It was then, at that point, that I had to quickly flee the church. This was not Mass—it was a horrible, horrible nightmare. A horrible living nightmare…

Finally, I went home and my mom could sense immediately that something was seriously wrong with me. She called my psychiatrist, who immediately scheduled an appointment for me the following day.

And when my psychiatrist heard what I had to say, he deemed me as having another “psychotic episode,” and put me on medical leave from my full-time job.

Thereafter, for over two months, I struggled.

I was placed on higher doses of medication, as my love of God began to fade. Here, I had received a personal illumination of my conscience, but what about the entire world?

I questioned if I could really continue onward in my faith. I truly wondered if I could continue to “fight the good fight” as St. Paul writes in Holy Scripture for an undetermined number of years yet. I had been attacked by satan in so many different ways—spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally… I had experienced the torment of purgatory, which was the greatest suffering of all.

I literally felt like I could not do it anymore. Despite the many blessings and graces—even extraordinary ones—that I had received from God, it became so difficult for me to pray. My spirit felt so broken.

My faith was falling apart.

I wondered if The Great Warning would ever happen soon for the world, as I tried to bargain with myself, saying that no one needs to pray that much for the salvation of souls—why do I have to strive to pray unceasingly?I have nothing more to give, I’m so, so tired.

Here, I was striving to take the narrow path to heaven, by trying to love God with all my strength and neighbor above self, and I seriously questioned Jesus in my heart, as I cried, what about me? What about me?

Meanwhile, the Blessed Mother began giving a series of heavenly messages at Medjugorje (medjugorje.com), which tore at my heart as I was giving up my faith to become a “lukewarm soul”:

***

Messages from Our Lady of Medjugorje, Queen of Peace

July 2, 2011

Dear children; today I call you to a difficult and painful step for your unity with my Son. I call you to complete admission and confession of sins, to purification. An impure heart cannot be in my Son and with my Son. An impure heart cannot give the fruit of love and unity. An impure heart cannot do correct and just things; it is not an example of the beauty of God’s love to those who surround it and to those who have not come to know that love. You, my children, are gathering around me full of enthusiasm, desire and expectations, and I implore the Good Father to, through the Holy Spirit, put my Son – faith, into your purified hearts. My children, obey me, set out with me.”

As Our Lady was leaving, to Her left She showed darkness and to Her right a Cross in golden light.

It was stated that Mirjana believes that Our Lady was showing the difference between a clean heart and an unclean heart. Mirjana also stated that Our Lady blessed all our religious objects and prayed for priests.

August 2, 2011

“Dear children; Today I call you to be born anew in prayer and through the Holy Spirit, to become a new people with my Son; a people who knows that if they have lost God, they have lost themselves; a people who knows that, with God, despite all sufferings and trials, they are secure and saved. I call you to gather into God’s family and to be strengthened with the Father’s strength. As individuals, my children, you cannot stop the evil that wants to begin to rule in this world and to destroy it. But, according to God’s will, all together, with my Son, you can change everything and heal the world. I call you to pray with all your heart for your shepherds, because my Son chose them. Thank you.”

August 25, 2011

“Dear children! Today I call you to pray and fast for my intentions, because satan wants to destroy my plan. Here I began with this parish and invited the entire world. Many have responded, but there is an enormous number of those who do not want to hear or accept my call. Therefore, you who have said ‘yes’, be strong and resolute. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

September 2, 2011

“Dear children; with all my heart and soul full of faith and love in the Heavenly Father, I gave my Son to you and am giving Him to you anew. My Son has brought you, the people of the entire world, to know the only true God and His love. He has led you on the way of truth and made you brothers and sisters. Therefore, my children, do not wander, do not close your heart before that truth, hope and love. Everything around you is passing and everything is falling apart, only the glory of God remains. Therefore, renounce everything that distances you from the Lord. Adore Him alone, because He is the only true God. I am with you and I will remain with you. I am especially praying for the shepherds that they may be worthy representatives of my Son and may lead you with love on the way of truth. Thank you.”

***

God Bless Medjugorje.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

After over two months, I finally returned to work. My faith was at all time low, as I seriously contemplated the temptation to be a “lukewarm soul.” My prayer life had become nonexistent and once again, I was not attending Sunday Mass.

But, that is when a great miracle of God happened—as it always has happened when my faith is being attacked in this way—

Someone prayed for me.

In fact, when I returned to work, most people did not know why I was on medical leave, but despite not knowing the reason why, so many people came up to me to tell me that they had been praying for me.

It made me break down in private tears. Because for so many years, I have been striving to “pray without ceasing” for everyone I knew, have known, and will know in the future. It has been my constant prayer intention to pray for all souls that come into my life’s path.

And here, God was showing me—these are the souls. These are the souls that I have been praying and sacrificing for—for so many years now. These are the souls that I have dedicated my life in God to love and bring home to The Father.

I am a great fan of St. Francis of Assisi and his famous quote:

“Preach the Gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words.”

Typically, I am a very quiet and introspective person. I do not normally talk about my faith with people, yet, I am very open and receptive to speaking about the faith given the opportunity. And I have never hidden that I am a Christian, as I wear a large crucifix necklace every day, I have a large crucifix hanging on my work cubicle wall, and often place items of the saints in my work space.

And I often tell others that I will pray for them, if I sense a need to, even if I do not know their religious preference.

So, everyone at my workplace knows that I am a Christian, and, in particular, a Catholic Christian. I take the quote of St. Francis of Assisi into my heart.

And now, upon my return to work after medical leave, God was revealing to me, how I had influenced others in spreading the Good News of Jesus to them—that my life had meaning and impact on others in ways that I never could have imagined.

Even people that were typically non-religious told me that they had either prayed for me or had thought about me in a good way in my absence. So many people told me that they had missed my presence in their lives.

So, it was through the faith of others, that faith returned to me to continue onward and upward to heaven. To not count the many souls who were behind me, that I was bringing to heaven through prayer and sacrifice, but to continue to look straight ahead up the holy mountain to My Love, Jesus.

To Jesus Who would carry me home to Him.

God granted me the grace of holy perseverance. My God, thank You!

I love You, Lord.

So, after having a good confession and returning to the Sacraments, I began anew my love-letter campaign to an unnamed party, in joyful hope of the coming day that they would embrace the Holy Love Messages (holylove.org).

Meanwhile, The Lord answered my prayers. In His Loving and Divine Mercy—all in His good timing.

Now, it was late September 2011 and I decided to check the website for the Apostolate of the Green Scapular for any new heavenly messages (greenscapular.org). And on their website, I came across a note about a visionary, “Maria Divine Mercy,” from Europe, who had begun receiving messages from Our Lord since late 2010 about The Great Warning and The Second Coming.

So, I visited the website (no longer in operation) and I read every message and prayed for discernment and heavenly understanding from the Holy Spirit. And by the light and grace of the Holy Spirit, I discerned that “Maria Divine Mercy” is a true prophet of The Lord.

In particular, the heavenly messages seemed to correlate with the messages from Jesus through the Prophet John Leary (johnleary.com) on the timing of The Great Warning. Although the Prophet John Leary did not know the exact year of The Great Warning, Jesus had revealed to him, that it would occur during the “football season” (September to February of a certain year). Also, Jesus told the Prophet John Leary that The Great Warning would usher in the events of The End Times, as there would only be about six weeks time (about 40 days) afterwards for conversions before the antichrist rises to power.

And here, Jesus, through the Prophet “Maria Divine Mercy” from Europe, had revealed that The Great Tribulation would take place at the end of 2012 (Please Read: “Jesus Christ – The Warning has been delayed” https://maryrefugeofholylove.com/the-warning/jesus-christ-the-warning-has-been-delayed).

In fact, 3 Catholic prophets that I have discerned carefully and trust in, had revealed that we were already in the period known as the general “Tribulation,” as the “seals” of the Book of Revelation were opened in 2008. Those prophets are:

Our Lady of Emmitsburg through the Prophet Gianna Sullivan

(See message of July 13, 2008; centeroftheimmaculateheart.org)

Jesus through the Prophet John Leary

(See message of June 17, 2008; johnleary.com)

Jesus through the Prophet Maria Divine Mercy

(See message of July 20, 2011 in the Book of Truth)

And, in particular, through this newer prophet, Maria Divine Mercy, Jesus imparts this heavenly message to us:

***

“You are now in the middle of the Tribulation – Latter half end of 2012”

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011 @ 11:00 pm

“My daughter you are, as you know, the most unlikely visionary because of your lack of knowledge of Holy matters. Yet you are the chosen messenger. You must understand that you will be unable to defend My messages with any real authority so therefore keep silent when asked to define My messages.”

“You will be provoked and challenged to become involved with religious and especially eschatology arguments but you must no longer respond or provide your own interpretation of the answers. Because of this work you will be disliked. Spiritual jealousy will arise among My followers especially theologians and those who have studied scripture all their lives. So keep silent for you do not have the knowledge nor, as I have told you before, the authority to do so.”

“Just follow My instructions and keep to yourself. Respond to prayer requests by all means and help bring My followers and devotees who have pledged their support to this work together.”

“Time is short now. Everything is going to happen quickly. The Warning is close now so there is not much time left to pray for those poor souls who will be lost. By reciting My Divine Mercy dedicated to those particular souls many millions will be saved.”

“You are now, My children, in the middle of what is called the Tribulation as foretold in My Holy Book. The second part, the Great Tribulation, will commence as I have said before the end of 2012. This is not meant to instill fear in you My daughter but to make you aware of the urgency for My children to pray for My help.”

“Already through the prayers of my visionaries all over the world the power of the New World Order, driven by Masonic forces is beginning to dilute and unravel before your very eyes. Many more of these power hungry global organizations will be brought to their knees in humility as they answer, not only to God the Father, for their wickedness but to those to whom they have a responsibility on this earth.”

“Watch now as the clusters of powerful groups try to outdo each other, cover up their own sins and hide the truth from those they fear in high places. Prayer, My children, is bringing this about. God the Father is striking out now to punish these people before they can inflict the evil plan they are preparing to control My children.”

“This is a painful time children for Satan’s influence has never been so powerful in these last days of his reign on earth. Fight his evil ways, children – all of you. Just look at the havoc he is causing when he turns brother against brother, country against country, creates hatred amongst all of you and disrespect for each others’ lives. And then there is the sheer hatred he instills in My children for Me, their beloved Saviour. The hatred he stirs up for My Father has reached epidemic proportions. The most powerful form of hatred shown to My Father is for man to deny He exists.”

“How you must feel the anguish children that you have to face in the world today. No man can ignore the deep disquieting unrest spurred by Satan and his millions of demons infiltrated throughout the world. My love will now be proven to you all. Through My warning I come once more to save you through the Mercy of God the Father. Believe in Me and My Eternal Father and you will have nothing to fear. Ignore what is happening and you will fail to prepare adequately.”

Your beloved Saviour

Jesus Christ

***

Strikingly, this heavenly message through the Prophet Maria Divine Mercy from Europe caught my eye, because it took place on the date of July 20, 2011, which was the one year anniversary of when The Lord revealed to me that St. Elijah the Prophet was my Special Protector. So, it was a special day that I immediately recognized—it was the Church feast day of St. Elijah.

Meanwhile, another heavenly message through the Prophet Maria Divine Mercy particularly caught my eye as well. It is this timely message from Jesus:

***

“The Holy Spirit has now been poured out over the entire world”

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011 @ 4:00 pm

“My daughter, tell the world that a significant act of My Mercy took place today where the Holy Spirit, one of the greatest gifts to My children, has been poured out over the entire world. This gift is essential in helping mankind to prepare for The Warning. Infused with the power of the Holy Spirit, My sacred servants and followers will be strengthened considerably in their love for Me and My Eternal Father.”

“This gift of life will bring new impetus into your jaded lukewarm souls which are screaming for enlightenment. This has been foretold and all, including the most hardened of sinners, will benefit.”

“My Mercy, as I have said, knows no bounds. Filled now with the Spirit of light and holiness you, all My followers everywhere, must be brave now and proclaim My word to all you come into contact with. Dismiss the scorn you may experience for it is too important now to ignore My pleas for conversion.”

“Hear My prayer now to give you the encouragement you need:”

“Fill me now Oh Lord with the gift of the Holy Spirit to carry your most Holy Word to sinners who I must help save in your name. Help me to cover them, through my prayers, with your precious blood so that they can be drawn to your Sacred Heart. Give me the gift of the Holy Spirit so that these poor souls can revel in your New Paradise.”

“Say this prayer every day after you recite My Divine Mercy and you, through your allegiance to Me, will help save My children.”

“Save Me from the torment I suffer in My heart as I watch with so much sorrow at the way in which My Holy Name is received in the world today. Not content with denying Me, many many souls react with anger if you, My loyal followers, even dare to mention what I stand for. They are very angry because The Deceiver so cleverly twists their minds to turn away from the truth. Help these souls all of you. Pray and ask me now for the strength you will need in this work.”

Special Graces for those who spread conversion

“For all of you who spread conversion special graces will be given to you and a very special place will be reserved for you in My Father’s Kingdom. Go now and allow the Holy Spirit to flood your souls to help Me save mankind.”

“I love all of you. Each of you holds a place in My Sacred Heart. Not one of you, sinners included, will be excluded from My battle to save souls.”

Your loving Saviour

Jesus Christ

King of Mercy

Note: Final comment by Our Lord Jesus Christ to the visionary given at the end of this message.

“My daughter this event is significant. It will save many souls before The Warning takes place and will continue to be present in the world afterwards to help prevent sinners from falling back.”

“It has been predicted, My daughter, and represents great news. But My followers must work hard now to help me lead the Battle for Souls.”

***

Now, the reason why this heavenly message dated May 10, 2011 had caught my eye, was because on that same day, I felt particularly strongly the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. In fact, the Holy Spirit had prompted me to send the next day, on May 11, 2011, a very important email message to a dear friend of mine, whom I know will be instrumental in spreading the heavenly messages from various sources after The Great Warning. And in that private email, I had said this to my dear friend these very personal words:

***

Email dated May 11, 2011, titled “a step in faith”:

“…and now, as i sit here, darling p, i am going to take a step out in faith and trust and hope in God, that i won’t be made a fool of for telling you this…

i call it a step out in faith, because i haven’t been told by heaven whether or not i am supposed to reveal this to you. in fact, i don’t know if it is supposed to be a secret or not, i just treated it somewhat like one, because it seemed to be something i needed to ponder about on my own.

but, i will tell you, darling p, that heaven is wonderful. i know that God the Father has an awesome Divine Plan for each of us, and even if this may seem like a mistake to me to reveal this, as i am not sure, but i know that God knows everything–even my future mistakes–and accounts for everything–

so, i’m taking a leap of faith by telling you this.

sweet p, i’m going to tell you who my special protector is now. the person from heaven whom Jesus gave to watch over me three years ago on july 13, 2008.

and when i tell you who it is, because you are not a christian, you likely won’t understand why i kept it a secret from you and everyone (only my father and my parish priest knows). it’s going to be a very hard idea to accept. even myself, i am in awe of who it is and sometimes wonder to myself if i am mistaken in my belief–like maybe i heard the name wrong when it was revealed to me almost a year ago…

but, i’m going to tell you now, because it’s important that you should know. i hope this isn’t a mistake… you won’t understand how significant this is now until much later, but i want to prepare your heart.

i love you, p. and God loves you very much.

my special protector is elijah.

yes, i walk everyday with elijah by my side.

elijah is recognized as the greatest jewish prophet in the Old Testament of the Bible and is very much revered by the jewish people. he doesn’t speak to me but i know that he is there with me each day, walking with me, along with Jesus and the Blessed Mother holding my hands.

and i know that he prays for me every day and gains for me great comfort–great grace from God. God bless us all through elijah.

and so, that’s all i am going to say about elijah in this email. i love You Jesus, i hope that i didn’t make a mistake…”

***

And after I had sent this email to my dear friend, the next day, on May 12, 2011, I asked my Special Protector, St. Elijah the Prophet, to be my spiritual father, as I had asked in prayer St. Christopher to be so long ago. Because the Holy Spirit placed this desire in my heart to do so then.

So, truly, this verse from Holy Scripture seemed to apply to me:

“Unless those days had been cut short, no life would have been saved; but for the sake of the elect those days will be cut short…”

(Matthew 24:22, New American Bible)

Because, truly, I had been so spiritually fatigued from my own personal illumination of conscience in June 2011, I did not know if I could go on in my love of God for an undetermined number of years yet.

God truly answered the prayer of my own beating heart and hurting soul.

And God truly answered the prayers of all hurting hearts and precious souls in the world.

Now, I have renewed spiritual vigor to move forward, with the knowledge that the entire world will experience The Great Warning at the end of 2012.

A renewed spiritual vigor to pray without ceasing for the salvation of all souls.

A renewed spiritual vigor to strive for the perfect love that casts out all fear.

A renewed spiritual vigor to be perfect as Our Heavenly Father Is Perfect in His unconditional love for humanity.

And a renewed spiritual vigor to strive for union and immersion in The Divine Heart of The Father as revealed through Holy Love Ministry.

I love You, Jesus.

I love You, Holy Spirit.

I love You, Father.

Amen.

FINAL CHAPTER

So, I wait in joyful hope that my love-letter campaign to an unnamed party bears abundant fruit. That the Messages of Holy Love and the spiritual journey of the Most Sacred Chambers of The United Hearts of Jesus and Mary as given by Our Lord are accepted universally by all. That all souls will find The Way to The Divine Heart of Our Most Loving Father (holylove.org).

I wait in joyful hope for the day of The Great Warning for the grand heartwarming homecoming that is certain to come for many souls as they return to The Lord.

I wait in joyful hope in anticipation of whatever is the special mission appointed to me by The Lord to begin. A special mission in which I know that St. Elijah the Prophet will be instrumental in. A special mission that will likely result in the fulfillment of the third personal prophecy given to me in October 2003. Yet, with sweet consolation, I look forward to also, as I have the promise of seeing Our Blessed Mother and of heaven one day by Our Lord.

And I wait in joyful hope to find My Love’s Most Perfect Love in my heart… someday…sweet someday…

Thank you, my dearest readers, for opening yourselves to the words of my life and love in God. I pray now that you open your hearts in continual conversion to Our Lord.

PEACE be with you, my most cherished friends.

             a soul

(as recollected from my diary, private writings and memories)

THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT

I LOVE YOU LORD

*                              *                              *

EPILOGUE

If this book saves a soul, then everything I went through was (and is) worth it.

For every soul is priceless—so priceless that every soul is worth the cost of The Beloved Life and The Most Precious Blood of The Only Begotten Son of God The Father.

That is the sole reason that I have written this book.

Oh, how I look forward to clarity of the special mission selected for me by Our Lord on the day of The Great Warning. For all the questions of my heart will be answered then. The reason for my very being and all the experiences of my life.

Meanwhile, I live in faith and expectant hope of my life’s goal—to one day have The Most Sacred Heart of Christ beating in my own heart.

The only fear I have of this day is of gazing upon The Beloved Face of My Savior at The Great Warning and not being able to go to heaven at that moment. Such heartache I will feel if this is so. So much so, that if I am left on this earth, I will willingly do anything to be with My Beloved One. For I will fear disappointing My Love so much; I will fear breaking His Most Sacred Heart. I will fear disappointing Him by not becoming the person that He calls me to be in His Love. I can only in those days then say, “Jesus, I trust in You,” for I will live my remaining days hoping in His Divine Mercy for my heart and His Heart in mine, as I do The Father’s Divine Will on earth.

My God, how I love Thee…

*                              *                              *

THE INVITATION TO ALL SOULS

From the Book of Truth

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011 @ 2:00 pm

My daughter, prepare the world for the arrival of My Beloved Son Jesus Christ for He now comes, as foretold, to save mankind once again.

His arrival will be heralded by the trumpets in Heaven and the choirs of angels who will sing in praise to announce this great event.

My great gift to mankind is being presented to you in the form of My dearly beloved Son who is being sent to save you before the Final Judgment.

Prepare your souls for when your sins are revealed to you I command you to fall in humility at the feet of My Son and beg for mercy. You must ask Him to forgive you and you must accept the punishment required to cleanse your souls.

His mercy is so great that no sin, no matter how grievous, cannot be forgiven if true remorse is shown. Humility is required of all of you so that you will be worthy to enter the new Glorious Era of Peace on earth the time of which is very close. Only those souls who truly repent and show true allegiance to My beloved Son will be fit to enter the gates. For you must be free of sin to enter this wonderful New Paradise on Earth.

My dearly beloved children I have prepared this Paradise with great love for each of you. This is the inheritance you have been waiting for. This is the way in which the gift of the earth was originally presented to Adam and Eve.

Any man who rejects this Paradise on Earth, where no evil will exist in any form, is turning his back on salvation.

This is your final chance to free your souls from the grip of Satan and the evil influence he has on your lives.

Embrace this wonderful gift of great mercy. Through this gift you are being offered a chance of true salvation and a glorious Paradise which you could not possibly fathom.

For those poor sinners who reject My Son’s offer of forgiveness you will be afforded more time to turn back to your faith. However, you will not be given too much time for My patience is running out.

Await now My Son’s return to save you once again from sin and to bring you to eternal salvation.

GOD THE FATHER

*                              *                              *

Holy Love Ministry
(holylove.org)

February 24, 2006

St. Thomas Aquinas says:

“Praise be to Jesus.”

“I have come to further explain the reality of Heaven to you. Everyone who enters Heaven is living in the Divine Will. Some need to suffer Purgatory in order to reach this goal. But the Sixth Chamber–ah yes, the Sixth Chamber–is reserved for the greatest saints.”

“Purgatory does not prepare souls for this Chamber, but stops just short of immersion in the Divine Will. The saints in the Sixth Chamber earned this coveted place while on earth. It is such a jewel of a Chamber that not even every saint is admitted to its sanctuary.”

“There are martyrs and other saints who are in the highest place in the Fifth Chamber–for there are certain priority levels within each Chamber–all according to merit. Yet, these saints, while standing very close to the Sixth Chamber, are not allowed entrance.”

“You cannot understand this unless you comprehend that every present moment counts towards your eternal reward. In God’s Mercy, which is one with His Love, sins are forgiven when the heart is contrite. Punishment is also obliterated through certain plenary indulgences. However, it is how deeply the soul immerses his heart and becomes one with the Divine Will while on earth, that determines admission to the Sixth Chamber.”

“In other words, the heart must be immersed in the Divine Will while on earth. There are so few that have accomplished this, and very few in the world today.”

April 7, 2007

Holy Saturday

Once again I see a Flame around the tabernacle which I know to be the Heart of God the Father.

He says:

“Praise be to Jesus present in the tabernacles of the world.”

“You see before you the Flame of My Paternal Love, which is One with My Divine Will. How I desire mankind come to know Me as Love. All of creation–sky, earth and sea–are a reflection of My Love. But you see, all I have given has somehow been misused, polluted and contaminated by overindulgence.”

“So I come here today, on the day when My Only Begotten Son is passing through Spiritual Limbo, to ask that you help make My Paternal Love known to mankind. Everything that has been given you hitherto was in preparation for this–Mary, Protectress of the Faith, Mary, Refuge of Holy Love, Divine Love, in and through, the United Hearts and at last, the Shield of Truth of St. Michael. All of these Revelations build upon, and support what I come seeking now.”

“The journey through the Chambers of the United Hearts is a pathway to My Paternal Love and My Divine Will. I do not want humanity to deem this final destination as unattainable. Right now, in this present moment, each soul has the way and the wherewithal to be transported into the Sixth Chamber–immersion in the Divine Will. It is true!”

“See that I call you with the tender and caring Heart of a Father who desires to share everything with His children. Come, then, without delay. Desire to know Me better, to love Me more, to please Me in everything. I am waiting.”

April 8, 2007

Easter Sunday Morning

“I am your Resurrected Jesus! Alleluia!”

“Today you celebrate My Resurrection from the dead. It is the day that I opened the Gates of Heaven to all mankind. But understand that through this Mission and these Messages, I have opened the Gateway to the New Jerusalem and the Divine Will of My Father. This is a channel of grace long- awaited by all who desire to live in God’s Divine Will. It is through the Chambers of Our United Hearts that you begin to live in conformity with My Father’s Will.”

“There are few, indeed, that are immersed in the Eternal Flame of the Divine Will {the Sixth Chamber}; however, it grieves Me that so few try to set this goal before them. As you now see the light from My Wounds, I tell you, this Mission reflects this light into the world–not delivering souls from the Cross, but reflecting the Victory of the Cross.”

“Do not live for this world and its allurements, but for the Eternal Now. Your life is not here, but in Heaven where I await you. Alleluia!”